


Follow You

by Stonewall1862



Series: Fresh Bruises [1]
Category: Bring Me The Horizon, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bullying, Cutting, Dorks in Love, F/M, Flower Crowns, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Past Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Past Relationship(s), Past Torture, Scars, Tattoos, Whump, medical shenanigans, some singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 04:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 51,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17932736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonewall1862/pseuds/Stonewall1862
Summary: Kellin Quinn was looking forward to his senior year with his best friend Vic. But after setting a lab bench on fire last year, their Chem teacher assigns their partners, and Kellin is paired with the shy and incredibly tattooed Oliver Sykes, who is fresh from England. This new boy, with his enigmatic tastes and spotted past draws Kellin in with his mystery, and Kellin soon finds that his Senior Year may get a lot more interesting than he thought!Oliver Sykes has existed like a ghost in a world without color for a long time. Only a couple months out of rehab, he vacillates between quietly numb and wanting to end all the burden he brings upon his mother and brother. But when his new lab partner forces his way into Oli's life, he finds that the world still has some color left, and if he could just maybe survive his past as it comes crashing down on them, they might have a future together.





	Follow You

“Who’s that?” Kellin asked, glancing over at the youth who had just entered the small chemistry classroom. Vic, who had been doodling in his notebook waiting for the class to start, glanced up to the door and took in the same boy, who glanced around before finding a free chemistry bench toward the back.

“I think that’s Tom’s older brother,” Vic shrugged, going back to his doodling. “Tom said he’s living with him and his mom now. I think he just came this summer. Lived with their dad I guess.”

“Tom in the jazz band?”

“That’s the one,” Vic confirmed. He eyed Kellin briefly before rolling his eyes and grinning. “Love at first sight?” he teased.

“Shut up,” Kellin countered, sticking his tongue out at his best friend. “I just didn’t recognize him.”

“Uh-huh,” Vic continued to grin.

“I know it’s old fashioned,” Miss Geck called over the dull roar, instantly gaining silence, “but in the interest of preserving that classroom after last year,” she gave a very pointed look to Kellin and Vic, “I will be assigning your lab partners for the year.”

Groans filtered through the air. “A little fire and she over-reacts,” Vic sighed.

“Dude, we set a whole bench on fire.”

“Over-reaction, clearly.”

“Please come up to the bench I assign you,” Miss Geck warned, quieting the room once again. Vic was one of the first called, heading to the front with a pretty brunette. He shot Kellin a sad puppy dog look as he was forced up to the front bench. ‘And he calls me a drama king,’ Kellin thought. Going down the row Miss Geck continued to call out names, Kellin gathering his books and waiting patiently, dreading whoever he would be assigned with. Half the reason he took chemistry was so he could hang out with Vic.

As the short teacher came to one of the back benches (clearly to separate Kellin and Vic with as much room as possible), she said, “Kellin Quinn and Oliver Sykes.”

Kellin didn’t recognize the name at first, but quickly came to realize that he was partnered with the new kid. To say he stood out was an understatement. Striking was the word Kellin would use. Nearly as tall as himself and twice as skinny, he wore skinny jeans and a plaid, long-sleeve shirt. Bleeding out from underneath, however were tattoos covering nearly every bare inch of skin, even his fingers. The most notable one was the rose on his neck, and Kellin wondered vaguely how much it had hurt to get it. The expression he wore was quiet and withdrawn, and absently Kellin wondered if he was shy, or just overwhelmed with being at a new school.

“Hey, I’m Kellin,” he grinned, trying to be friendly.

“Oliver,” the other answered, watching him with a guarded expression.

“You’re Tom’s brother, right?”

“You know Tom?” Kellin could see the tension in his shoulder’s drop a bit. The accent sounded English, but there was a twist to it that told Kellin it definitely wasn’t London.

Nodding up to his best friend now chatting with the brunette at the front table, he answered, “Vic is in Jazz band with him. I sometimes catch a ride with him to school. Vic and I are the reason we have assigned seating too.” Oliver gave him a puzzled look, his hazel eyes inquisitive. “We set a lab bench on fire. That’s why that one over there has darker wood.”

Looking, the other boy swore softly, “Jesus Christ, do I want to be partnered with you?”

At this Kellin laughed, “Hey your accent’s really cool. Where are you from?”

“Sheffield. It’s in the UK. Seriously, are you gon’ fail me?”

“I promise I’ll try not to. I actually had a pretty good grade last year.”

“Alright everyone…” Miss Geck started, retrieving the syllabus and their first task. After spending some time on what they would cover in the next few weeks, they were allowed to begin their first assignment together. Oliver was quiet at first, a shyness that Kellin found absolutely adorable, especially coupled with that accent, but as they progressed he became more comfortable, keeping easily up with Kellin’s infamous non-stop banter. He apparently had already had a few chemistry classes, as they powered through the periodic table warm-up that was their first assignment, leaving them time before the end of class.

“I had no idea that Tom had a brother in the UK. What made you want to come to Michigan? And how come you were over there if your family is here?”

An uncomfortable look crossed Oliver’s features. “Our parents got divorced when we were little. Tom went with our Mum, and I…I stayed with our dad in Sheffield. He got arrested this summer for tax fraud, so they shipped me off to here.”

“Lucky us then,” Kellin replied, trying to lighten the mood. “Can’t say lucky you, though. There’s almost nothing to do unless you wanna drive an hour or so to Detroit. And it’s cold. And snowy.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever really seen snow,” Oliver shrugged, his hazel eyes holding a far-off look. Did this boy understand how gorgeous his long lashes were?

“Well the novelty wears off around February,” Kellin grinned. “You’ll have to enjoy it the first time though, properly.”

“There’s a right and a wrong way to enjoy snow?” the new boy asked, an eyebrow lifting into his chocolate locks which framed his handsome face.

“Well duh. You gotta build a snowman, make snow cones, go ice skating, and most importantly, you need to come over and have a snowball fight.”

“I thought people just did that stuff in movies,” Oliver mumbled.

“Naw, we totally do it in real life to. I’ll show you. You can look forward to it.”

“Is everyone this friendly around here?” Oliver asked, still looking skeptically at Kellin.

It was Kellin’s turn to shrug as he ran a hand through his hair. “You just look like you could use a friend.”

At this Oliver’s eyes became soft and he scoffed. His fingers fiddled nervously with the hem of his shirt. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Please hand your assignments in and collect your worksheets for homework I have at the front!” Miss Geck called.

Kellin had meant to catch Oliver to invite him to hang with him and Vic sometime before he left, but as soon as he caught up to Vic and pulled him away from the brunette, he turned around to find the other boy gone like a dream.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” Kellin stuck his tongue out at Vic as they headed down the hallway to their lockers before lunch.

“Dude, I was just talking,” Vic beamed and stuck his tongue out in reciprocation. “Besides, Rachel is cool and she doesn’t care about that stuff. She’s not the jealous type.” Kellin shoved his chemistry book into his locker. Day one and it was already a haphazard mess. “So, what’s Tom’s brother like? He didn’t say boo while watching us rehearse this morning. Wicked tattoos though…”

“He’s kind of shy I think, but he seems cool. He’s never seen snow before though. Gonna be a rude awakening for him. And yeah, his tattoos…must be legal in the UK to be less that 18 to get them. Wonder if he has them everywhere…” Kellin trailed off, his body giving an involuntary shiver of pleasure as he thought of Oliver with his shirt off.

“Oh man, you’re already crushing on him, aren’t you?” Vic teased, a little bounce in his step as they headed toward the cafeteria.

               Kellin felt his face heat up. “I broke up with Derek in July. I’d say I’m entitled to move on.”

               “Yeah, move on with the freshest meat in the school.”

               Finding a lunch table was tantamount to sticking a flag on the moon and calling that space yours and no one else’s in high school. But with the nice weather things eased. Students were allowed to eat their lunch in the courtyard, which was quieter and more open than the lunch room. Some students took advantage of it while other’s clung to their hard fought table properties.

Rachel had lunch with them this year, which meant that Vic would probably be eating with her, and while Kellin would feel no hesitation in joining them (they blessedly never made him feel like a third wheel), he also didn’t want to be overly clingy since he had broken up with Derek over the summer. It had been a bad breakup, and Kellin had spent the rest of the summer nearly hiding at Vic’s all the time. Vic deserved some alone time with Rachel once in awhile, as much as Kellin hated being alone.

The air was hot and muggy with the end of summer as Kellin entered the courtyard with his tray, and instantly spotted a boy in plaid, sitting beneath one of the trees. His long legs were stretched out and book sat open in his lap. Every once in awhile he would take a half-hearted bite of a salad from a Tupperware container. There was a minute movement to his head as well, and as Kellin approached he could see the wires from headphones cascading out from underneath those sexy locks. A billion degrees out and Kellin felt himself become just a bit warmer.

Remembering how shy Oliver was, Kellin approached slowly and gave a good foot of space between them as he sat down on the cool grass. Oliver noticed after a moment, his hazel eyes surprised as he removed an earbud. Kellin could hear screaming and blast beats even from the distance.

“Hey, is it ok if I eat lunch with you?” Kellin asks, turning on his charming smile.

Oliver was quiet for a moment, as if trying to figure out some sort of underlying motivation that Kellin might have. “Aren’t you going to eat lunch with Vic?”

Kellin shrugs, “I like to give him and his girlfriend some alone time once in a while. Is that Chiodos you’re listening to?”

This time the surprise intermingled with delight as the corners of the boy’s lips turned up in a smile. Kellin felt his heart stutter. “Yeah. You like them?”

“Love them. What else do you have?”

Instead of answering, Oliver pulled the ipod from his pocket, paused it and after detaching the headphones, handed it to Kellin. He wound up the headphones and stuck them in his pocket, and marking the page in his book, set that aside as well.

“Man, you have really awesome taste!” Kellin exclaimed, going through the list of artist names. “Some of these I haven’t heard of, but I bet they’re great too. Vic and I have tickets in a couple months to go see Linkin Park. Gonna be amazing.”

“Thanks,” Oliver murmured as Kellin gave the ipod back to him. “I’m kind of jealous. I didn’t get to see them when they came to London last.”

“That sucks,” Kellin agreed and broke off a piece of his grilled cheese. “How are you not dying of the heat by the way? It’s like 85 degrees out and you’re in a long sleeve shirt. I’m in just a thin tshirt and I can feel the sweat dripping down my back. Makes me almost want to chop my hair off.”

“Can’t chop your hair off,” Oliver said incredulously.

“And why not? I’d be a lot cooler.”

Oliver shrugged and his fingers went back to fiddling with the hem of his shirt, pulling on a loose thread there and winding it back and forth. “It looks good on you. It suits you,” he mumbled.

Kellin felt his chest constrict at the complement, but covered it up with bravado. “Aw, thanks Oli,” he teased and bumped the other’s shoulder fondly with his own. Hazel eyes widened at the nickname. “It’s cool if I call you Oli right? It’s not a nickname you hate or something is it?”

The boy shook his head, “It’s fine. Tom used to call me that when we were little. Haven’t been called that in awhile is all. It’s cool though.”

“So, what are you reading?” Kellin asked, finishing the grilled cheese.

The next few minutes were easy, as Oli showed him the Kurt Vonnegut book, ‘Slaughterhouse Five’, which Kellin had remembered reading a few summers ago. Oli’s lilting voice drew him in as they talked about sci-fi, movies and music. He learned that his favorite color was white, and that he was a vegetarian, and every time Oli opened his mouth, it felt like Kellin had met the most interesting person in the world. He had never felt so drawn in to someone before.

“Yeah Tom keeps poking fun every time I convince mum to buy veggie-burgers. I swear I’m gonna slip him one-“

“Already making moves slut?” a voice barked.

Kellin wanted to groan, knowing exactly who it was as Oli paused mid-sentence. Both of them looked over to see a tall, well-built boy with just a faint hint of stubble on his chin. He always had looked like some sort of rebel. Heck that was why Kellin had dated him for a few months.

“The fuck do you want Derek?” Kellin spat. He was so not in the mood for this.

“Just watching you drop your standards,” he scoffed, “I mean come on Kells really? Going from me to that gutter rat?”

Kellin stood and gave a rueful grin, not wanting Oliver to be drawn into his ex’s tantrum. “Yeah, you definitely got the steps mixed up. Then again anything would be a step up from you.”

Derek took a step closer and Kellin could see the little bit of crazy in his eyes that used to drive him wild, but now served as a warning sign. “The fuck you say?”

Too bad Kellin tended to ignore warning labels. “You heard me the first time Derek, and every other time since we broke up. You’re just a giant man-child who can’t accept it. You can’t control me you self-absorbed ass-“

Two things happened very quickly. Derek finally lost his cool and grabbed the front of Kellin’s shirt, causing the boy to brace. But as soon as Derek had gotten a grip he let go, and Kellin realized that Oli was right next to him. The tattooed boy had grabbed Derek’s wrist and twisted it back, holding it there, leaving the bully helpless and unable to get out of it. Derek’s face reflected Kellin’s own shock.

“Do you want me to break your wrist?” the lilting voice asked. Derek did not respond at first, clearly trying to decide if he should tell Oliver off or give in because whatever Oli was doing to his wrist was super painful. “Do you?” He asked again, his voice low and deadly in a way that left no doubt in Kellin’s mind that he would. Apparently, Derek got the message because he gave a small shake, and after a moment, Oli released him.

Looking about to make sure that not many people had seen it, Derek slunk away rubbing his wrist with a, “Whatever. Freak.”

Oli looked back at Kellin with a sheepish look, as if he might have done something wrong.

“Badass…”slipped from Kellin’s lips, looking at Oli in awe. Reverting to his shy nature, the other boy ducked his head, but Kellin could see the little smirk there. “Where’d you learn how to do that?”

Oli shrugged. “I didn’t live in the nice part of Sheffield. I can at least go one on one with a bloke. Probably useful if I keep hanging out with you. You’re nuthin’ but trouble.” A smirk tilted one corner of his lips and those hazel eyes portrayed mirth, letting Kellin know that the shy boy apparently had a sense of humor. “Who was that tosser anyway?”

Kellin blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair, hoping he didn’t make Oli feel awkward. “My ex-boyfriend. We dated a couple months, but he got way too controlling and I broke things off with him in July, and he’s being a douche about the whole thing. That doesn’t make you weirded out, does it?”

“What? That you have terrible taste in boyfriends?”

“No…that I even have a boyfriend.”

Oli gave another one shouldered shrug. “Why would it bother me? I’m bi.”

“Oh,” Kellin said, gapping for a moment as he had not expected anything like that to come out of the other boy’s mouth. “So-“

The bell for the end of lunch A rang, cutting Kellin’s awkward moment short much to his relief. Oliver gathered his half-eaten lunch and book and followed Kellin out into the hall where they parted for their next classes with a wave.

Bi. Oliver Sykes was bi-sexual. Kellin felt a thrill go through him. That meant he might have a chance with the tattooed object of his affections. The rest of the periods were mundane, until the last one. He had Trig with Rachel and Vic, and English with just Rachel, but as he walked into Chorus he immediately recognized the tall youth covered in tattoos sitting by himself in the back, trying to do his best impression of blending in with the floor. He looked rather miserable with his arms tucked around him, shoulders tensely held near his ears, and his eyes shut as if blocking out something unpleasant. It was loud in the room as students filtered in, joking and laughing as they ran up and down the stands, and Kellin cut around them and crawled up the stand to where Oli sat. What had happened to make him withdraw so much?

“Hey are you ok?” Kellin asked in a low voice, sitting next to him.

Oliver’s beautiful hazel eyes peeled open and he looked to Kellin with a mixture a gratefulness and embarrassment, but there was something distant there and far away.

“It’s really crowded…and loud…”

“It will quiet down soon,” Kellin offered, looking about for the teacher to start class. He didn’t understand what was going on with him. How could he listen to screaming metal but think the group of students were too loud? “Headache?”

“Sensory overload,” a small voice met his ears. “I get sensory overload in certain crowd situations.”

Kellin looked over to see Oli’s eyes closed again, taking deep and deliberate breaths as if to calm himself and block everything else out. Tentatively he reached out and lay the flat of his hand on the boy’s thin shoulder blade to ground him. He flinched at first, but then the shoulders seemed to come down just a bit. He may not know what sensory overload was, but if he could comfort Oli, he would.

“Alright class!” Mr. Hakes waved a hand, and everyone quieted quickly. Mr. Hakes was had been new last year, but with his purposefully bald head, infectious smile and eclectic taste in music (they had sung a Radiohead song last year!) he had quickly endeared himself to the vast majority of the students taking Chorus as a way to avoid art and band.

As the room became silent except for Mr. Hakes taking attendance, Oli slowly opened his eyes and took a deep breath. Kellin allowed his hand to linger on the other’s warm back for just a moment longer before he withdrew. “You alright now?”

That same look of appreciation and apprehension filled Oli’s face and he looked down in avoidance. “Yeah…thanks. Sorry…”

“It’s alright,” Kellin quickly answered.

Mr. Hakes made them stand and warm-up, and Kellin dialed his own voice back a bit in order to try and hear Oli’s to no avail. He was either so low or so quiet that Kellin couldn’t quite catch him. Was he just mouthing the words? Their first piece was passed out, and Kellin automatically shared his copy with Oli, but still for the life of him could not hear him. He desperately wanted to ask him to sing louder, wanting to hear that voice make sweet music, but Oli still looked so uncomfortable from their earlier interaction that Kellin found he couldn’t push it. Instead he found himself wishing he could reach out and comfort the other boy into being as relaxed as he had been when they were at lunch together.

As soon as the class was over, Oliver seemed to jet for the door and Kellin was just able to call, “Hey Oli! I’ll see you tomorrow ok?” and get a short, affirmative nod before the other boy disappeared out the doors and to his locker.

Giving a sigh, Kellin trudged to his locker, thoughts of Oli swirling around. What an enigma. He had never met anyone who gave him such mixed signals before. In one light he was shy and submissive, in another cool and mysterious, and finally another broken and withdrawn. And he hadn’t even known him for twenty-four hours yet! It left Kellin twisted up inside, and he must have been wearing it on his face when Vic and Rachel came around to collect him to go home.

“What’s got your boxer’s in a twist?” Rachel asked, noticing his stern countenance.

Before Kellin could even open his mouth, Vic did it for him. “Wait lemme guess! Just about six feet, sexy dark brown hair, covered in tattoos…”

Kellin rolled his eyes as he followed them, but a smirk soon rested on his face. “Yeah something like that. He’s really…I don’t know he’s like no one I’ve ever met. Did Tom say anything else about him?”

“Who are we talking about?” Rachel asked.

“Tom Sykes’s older brother Oliver. He’s in our grade,” Vic filled her in as they walked to his beat up ’86 Aries. “Kellin is lab partners with him in Chem, and I guess you could say they have chemistry together…”

“That was awful,” Rachel laughed, and slid into the back seat with Kellin. The front passenger seat had a defective seatbelt, and with Vic’s driving neither passenger was willing to take the risk. “So, I take it he’s really cute?”

“Yeah,” Kellin agreed, “He’s really hard to read though.”

“What makes you say that?” she asked, tucking her blond hair behind her ear.

“Well he was really shy at first, but then we sat together at lunch-“

“-I was wondering where you where-“

“-and Derek came by and was a little pissant. He tried to start an argument with me and might have pushed a few buttons but when he went to grab my shirt Oli grabbed him and almost broke his fucking wrist. It was crazy. Like he was dead serious. But then later we were in chorus and…do you know what sensory overload is?”

“Oh my God yeah!” Rachel exclaimed. “We learned about it last year in Mr. Burns psychology class. That was such a cool class.”

“What is it?” Kellin asked, happy that at least someone knew.

“Oh it’s this thing that happens in certain conditions like autism, sensory processing disorder, tourettes, and even PTSD. It’s like you get overwhelmed in certain situations like crowds, or really bright environments or even ones with lots of strong smells. Everyone has their own triggers.”

“Overwhelmed?” Vic asked from the front.

“Yeah like your brain can’t figure out what to focus on, and so it just gets jumbled up and confused. So then that person panics. In PTSD patients it can bring on anxiety attacks and stuff.”

Kellin nodded along with the information. It had been really loud, crowded and stuffy in the Chorus room. If Oli did indeed have sensory overload, it wasn’t surprising that that room affected him. If he thought about it, it made sense that despite the heat he had chosen to eat outside instead of the crowded cafeteria as well. “Is there anything I can do to help him?”

“Hmmm,” Rachel hummed, thinking and trying to remember what she had learned the year previous. “I think most people just avoid their triggers, but sometimes it helps to be with someone to focus on. I wanna say people usually try to leave the situation before it gets bad, but I know there’s some breathing exercises when you think you’re going into a panic attack. I guess it’s really hard if you dissociate though. Sorry I forgot a bunch in there I think.”

“Dissociate?” Kellin inquired.

“Yeah. It’s when you get so panicked and stuff that you just kind of shut down and you can’t interact. Like you just freeze and your brain tries to remove you from wherever you are.”

Kellin recalled the somewhat far off look in Oli’s eyes, and a plan formed in his mind. “Thanks Rachel. That’s super helpful.”

               “Anything to help you get a guy,” she grinned, her tiny nose piercing sparkling in the sunlight from the dirty car windows. “Especially since he sounds like he’d be able to kick Derek’s ass.”

 

 

               Oliver pushed around the rice on his plate, not terribly hungry despite having only eaten half his salad at lunch. His mom had even been nice enough to keep his stir-fry separate and put tofu in it instead of egg and chicken, but he was struggling to take bites. His mouth had tasted like ash since Chorus. He felt like such an idiot. He had probably weirded the shit out of Kellin. Why couldn’t he just be normal?

               “Your first day ok dear?” she asked him, picking up her empty plate.

               “It was alright,” he shrugged. He had already caused her enough trouble this summer. She didn’t need to know about his embarrassing panic attack just from going to Chorus.

               “I saw you hanging with Kellin,” Tom said, having finished his food as well.

               “Who’s that?” his mother asked.

               “Y’know Vic from Jazz Band? That’s his best friend. He sometimes hangs out and listens to us in the morning if he gets a ride from Vic. He’s pretty cool.”

               “Oh good, I’m glad you’re already making friends,” his mother smiled softly. “You want me to put the rest in a Tupperware for your lunch tomorrow Oliver?”

               “Thanks,” he answered, his voice a bare whisper as he handed the woman the half full plate. “I’m going to go work on my homework.”

               “Day one and you already have homework? I swear these schools…”

               “I already had chem last year, so it’s not bad,” he assured her, standing and grabbing his bookbag and disappearing down the hall before the thoughts of the beautiful boy, Kellin, overwhelmed him. After today he would be surprised if Kellin wanted anything to do with him.

               Dropping his bookbag next to the little desk his mother had picked up from ikea he plopped down onto the bed and stretched out, the overwhelming feelings he had kept a tight seal on for most of the day rising to the surface, along with Kellin’s gorgeous blue eyes and soft, touchable skin and hair, and Gods his face, not to mention that voice! Oli had purposefully mouthed everything in Chorus just to hear Kellin sing and it was completely worth it.

               But along with the strong feelings of infatuation came the soaring doubt and embarrassment as he reanalyzed his own actions over and over. He had scared the shit out of Kellin in the courtyard when Derek had grabbed him. He didn’t even remember thinking about it. As soon as that brute had grabbed Kellin he had seen red, and had used the same wrist grab he used on every mugger in Sheffield who thought he was a skinny easy junkie. Why he had never been able to use the same move on his own father was beyond him…

               And then there was the Chorus incident. Could there have been anything more embarrassing than having a near panic attack just because the classroom was bit loud? His PTSD took the worst time to surface. Kellin must have thought he was such a freak now. Or at least more of a freak than the kind that sat out in the bloody heat in long sleeves. But he couldn’t just roll them up. It would expose everything, and he didn’t want to put his family through finding him another therapist, or changing his meds. It had been bad enough when he had come out of rehab this summer and had to have sessions twice a week. He had remained clean of Ketamine since, but the itch that had replaced it was darker, and he could feel himself slipping, especially as he thought of Kellin’s face if he ever discovered what he was like under the tattoos. He was so screwed up. He was such a screw up! No wonder his father…

               Feeling an overwhelming need he sat up and headed for the bathroom to shower. Showering was the most effective time to do this…whatever it was. It washed away any trace of his many imperfections. Water pounded at the white tub as he shed his clothes for the day. Tattoos covered so many scars given to him by the man who now sat in jail. Vaguely he wondered what would happen when the man realized when it was Oliver who had anonymously sent in the tax fraud evidence against him. Would one of his gang members come kill him? No, it was a job only his father would want to do. And if he killed Oli, that was alright. Then he wouldn’t have to burden anyone else.

               The water was hot, and Oliver stood in it for awhile before picking up the razor he had brought in with him and dragged it across the skin on his wrist. There were several other white lines where similar cuts had healed, and some that were still pink and healing. Sweet, sweet pain flooded his system, drowning out his doubts and the disaster that had been his day. The blood welled up and mixed with the water from the shower, bleeding out his flaws and sending them swirling down the drain. Several more cuts joined the first and Oliver leaned against the wall of the shower, watching the blood drip and swirl in a numb fashion.

               Slowly he realized that the water was becoming cold, and his cuts had stopped actively bleeding, though they were still raw and red. This is what he had replaced the numbing high of Ketamine with, the glorious hurt and pain of punishing himself for everything he had done that day. Maybe one day he would be able to cut deep enough to permanently stop himself from screwing everything up ever again. But for now, he counted himself a coward.

               Turning the water off, he dried his messy brown locks and then wrapped the towel around his waist, careful not to get any blood on it. Poking his head out of the shower he saw his mother and brother down in the living room, watching TV while Tom did his homework as his mother knitted. He hated himself for being a burden thrust upon them, invading their otherwise normal life with all of his baggage. He quickly crossed the hall to his room and put on a long sleeve henly and some pajama boxers to sleep in. Numbly he went through the small amount of homework before shoving it back in his bag and laying down. The sun was setting and casting his white walls with orange and red, and Oliver wished he could fade with it, just disappear into the night. He was so tired of everything. But when he closed his eyes he could see Kellin’s face, concerned and confused, perfect lips forming words: Hey are you ok?

               “No.”

 

 

               “Hey stranger!” Kellin greeted as soon as he saw Oliver sitting on one of the stoops in the band room when he walked in. Perfect! He and Oli could be alone while the jazz band practiced for the next while. For his own part, Oli looked genuinely surprised to be greeted in such a friendly manner, hazel eyes widening adorably as Kellin approached and sat next to him. Kellin hoped maybe his new skinny jeans made an impression too. “I thought maybe you’d come with Tom in the morning.”

               “Our mum drops us both off,” Oli murmured, as if still trying to figure out why Kellin was sitting next to him.

               “That’s cool. I catch a ride with Vic a few days a week when Mom has an early shift at the hospital.” Oli nodded numbly as if not completely absorbing the words. “Are you ok? It’s not too loud in here is it?”

               Blinking Oli shook his head. “No I just…” he trailed off and looked away.

               “Just what?”

               “I can’t figure you out,” Oli answered.

               This had not been what Kellin expected but thankfully he was flexible. “What’s not to get?”

               “You. Me. Still talking after I was a complete fucking wreck in Chorus.” The look on Oli’s face broke Kellin’s heart a little. Had the other boy really been that embarrassed?

               “You mean your sensory overload? It’s no biggie. In fact, I was going to suggest waiting in the hallway for me since I’m coming from the English wing and that’s on the complete other side of the school from now on. That way you don’t have to go into that classroom alone if it’s triggering for you. The sources I was reading said that sometimes being with someone in difficult environments can help keep the anxiety away.” He was not about to divulge that his source happened to be Rachel.

               “You’d…want to? It doesn’t weird you out?” Again, with that confused look.

               “It doesn’t weird me out, and yes I want to,” Kellin answered resolutely.

               “Why?”

               “Why do I want to help?”

               “Why do you care?”

               Kellin didn’t even hesitate. “Because you’re worth caring about.”

               Oli looked away and scoffed, “You don’t know that. We haven’t even known each other for twenty-four hours.”

               “I do to know. Ask Vic; I’m pretty stubborn when I know something for sure.”

               “Kellin…” Oli sighed, taking a moment to choose his words. “You might think you want to help me and be my friend, but I come with a lot of baggage. My life is pretty fucked up. I’m pretty fucked up. I don’t think you want to deal with all my issues. I wouldn’t ask anyone to.”

               “We’re all 50 shades of fucked up Oli,” Kellin countered, feeling angry at whoever had made this boy feel like he didn’t deserve any effort. “How about we compromise? If I feel like I’m wading in too deep and out of my depths when it comes to you and your ‘issues’ I will be honest and let you know. No harm done.”

               “What’s the catch?” Oli asked skeptically.

               “You need to let me help you and be at least your friend,” Kellin implored, catching Oli’s beautiful eyes, wishing he could reach across and into him and shake the boy up.

               Oli seemed to absorb the words for a few moments and nodded. “Alright.” Then a small smirk settled onto his kissable lips. “At _least_ my friend? Rebounding from Derek I see.”

               This time it was Kellin’s turn to blush. Was Oli flirting with him? Well he was Bi…

               “Trust me I was out of that relationship shortly after it started. Thanks for yesterday by the way. Sometimes my mouth likes to run like a fat kid toward a buffet.”

               At this Oli’s smirk became a smile and he snorted. God, even his smile was sexy, and Kellin couldn’t help but smile as well.

               “Hey I got something for you,” Kellin said, remembering as he undid the flap on his bag and pulled out a book with a blue cover that said _Cat’s Cradle_. “This is for when you finish Slaughter House 5. I liked it even better than that one, so I think you’ll like it too.”

               “Ah, aces!” Oli grinned, running his delicate fingers over it and flipping the pages. “This is brilliant, thank-you. I’ll start it as soon as I finish the other one.”

               “You are super welcome. So what part are you at…?”

               The conversation trailed on through the rest of their time, and Kellin found that it had gone too fast.

               “I’ll see you in Chemistry yeah?” Oli asked as the five minute bell rang, his body posture and face so much less guarded than it had been even an hour before. Good progress.

               “Yeah,” Kellin smiled.

               “Good,” Oli replied, returning the gesture and disappearing down the hall.

               Kellin waited patiently, knowing Vic would join him a few seconds, but was surprised to see Tom approach him first as he picked up his bookbag.

               “Hey Kellin,” Tom started, but paused, mouth twisting as if he didn’t know how to get the words out.

               “Something wrong?” Kellin asked. Tom and he hadn’t really ever interacted much, but Vic always said he was nice enough. He couldn’t imagine what the other boy would want with him though.

               “No. At least not yet,” he answered cryptically, only serving to confuse Kellin further.

               “Not yet?”

               “I noticed that you and my brother are getting along,” he stated.

               “That a problem?” Kellin inquired, not really liking the way this was going.

               “Look, I don’t want to be the asshole over-protective brother, but Oli…Oli’s been through a lot. It’s really great that he’s smiling with you, cause he sure as heck doesn’t at home, but I just…I just want you to be careful with him. He’s kind of…I don’t know…breakable. Fragile. I just don’t want him to get hurt worse than he already has.”

               “Ah. Well if it makes you feel any better I kind of already worked out that he has sensory overload, so I’ll be sure to be careful,” Kellin offered, thinking that was what Tom was talking about.

               Instead Tom shook his head, his shorter curls much less bouncy than Oliver’s. “That’s not even half of his problems, but I’ll let Oli tell you when he’s ready. Just…just treat him good ok?”

               “Alright, I can. I promise,” Kellin agreed.

               “Thanks,” Tom muttered and turned up the hall as well, clearly uncomfortable with the entire conversation.

               Vic, who must have been standing nearby slung an arm around Kellin’s shoulder and offered, “Ah yes, there’s always someone in the family willing to break your legs if you treat their little pumpkin wrong.”

               Kellin rolled his eyes and shoved him off. “Please. If you would have seen him almost break Derek’s wrist yesterday you’d know Oli can fight if he wants to.”

               “That sort of stuff blows my mind,” Vic agreed. “I mean, Derek isn’t much taller than you both but you gotta admit they guy has muscles to spare and Oliver…he’s kind of skinny man. Guy needs some groceries.”

               “He’s vegetarian,” Kellin said, as if it explained everything.

               “Well he needs some tofu…or a protein bar.”

 

 

 

               Despite how boring he knew Chemistry would be this year since he had already taken it in the UK, Oliver found himself looking forward to it. Or at least he was looking forward to seeing Kellin again. Their conversation from that morning swirled around and around in his mind. Could he really let Kellin in? Could he allow himself the luxury of a friend? Maybe even something more? Part of him desperately wanted to not be alone, to have someone who wasn’t a psychiatrist or therapist see the worst parts of him and not cringe. That part of him was so hopeful that Kellin could be that person. Another part of him though reminded him that not even his mother and brother liked to acknowledge his problems and that it was unlikely that any one, especially someone as wonderful and perfect as Kellin, would want to deal with him for very long. That part of him told him that he would only bring Kellin down, and the other boy would eventually resent him for it.

               The moment he heard Kellin’s laugh from the doorway he looked up. He and Vic were joking as they walked in, and Oli felt a pang of jealousy. He knew Vic had a girlfriend, but he was envious of the ease at which the shorter boy could put a broad, carefree smile on Kellin’s face. Would Oli ever be able to do that too?

               Kellin slid into the seat beside him at the bench and greeted him, and then pointed out, “Oh geez we have the Bunsen burners out already. You’re gonna have to reel me in Oli.”

               “I’ll do the flame bits, you can do the writey bits. Can’t have you replacing another lab bench,” he teased.

               “Hair up!” Miss Geck called. She passed out hair ties in case some girls forgot theirs, but Vic and Kellin were forced to take one as well. Vic’s hair was fairly long, and Oli could see him pull it into a low pony tail with practiced ease. Kellin’s was just long enough to put in a little bun, but his unpracticed hands were struggling.

               “Here,” Oli said quietly as Miss Geck began to go over the directions on the board. He plucked the hair tie from Kellin’s fingers and made him sit. Oli did his best to control his own heart rate as his dexterous fingers raked through Kellin’s soft, ebony hair. He probably lingered a bit longer than he needed to, but soon enough he had a functional little bun in the back, successfully keeping Kellin’s locks out of danger. This close he could smell the shampoo or conditioner or whatever was giving off that appetizing scent and Oliver felt warmth stir in him.

               Kellin gave him a sweet smile in thanks which only served to further heat up Oliver’s insides. Then he noticed Kellin holding another hair tie. Confused for a moment as Kellin stood, he stopped himself from flinching as he felt those gorgeous hands in his hair.

               “I don’t think…” Oli trailed off, when he realized Kellin was likely not going to stop even if he asked. A gentle hand swept his forehead, pulling back the locks up and into what Oli thought must have been the smallest pony tail to ever exist. Too soon the fingers were gone, and Kellin was giving him a grin that caused Oli’s heart to stutter.

               “Cheeky bastard…” he mumbled and tried to write down some of the instructions into his notebook.

               “That’s probably a wise choice,” Miss Geck said as she approached their work bench with the nickel filings they would be heating. “One never knows if they’re going to get singed with Mr. Quinn.”

               “Aw Miss Geck, Oli will keep me reined in. He’s already taken chem in Britain,” Kellin pouted.

               “Not with you he hasn’t,” Miss Geck muttered and purposefully handed the nickel to Oli, not Kellin even though the latter was closer.

               “I’ll do the burning stuff, you do the bits’n’bobs,” Oli reiterated, moving the burner toward him and trying not melt when Kellin gave him puppy eyes.

               “You’re no fun,” Kellin teased and set about setting up the time table they needed.

               They worked together easily, once again finishing the experiment faster than most of the other groups. Oli plucked the hair tie from his hair afterward and shook his head to let his dark brown locks fall back into the haphazard frame of his face. He caught Kellin starting. “What?” he inquired.

                Kellin blinked and shrugged, “Nothing. Just your hair is…nice. I don’t know. It always falls in just the right spot. And it’s the exact color of cocoa powder.”

               “Mum keeps threatening to cut it off. Says it’s unruly. She already had a small stroke this summer when she saw all the tattoos. Thought she was gonna cry.”

               “Maybe cry from awesomeness. Seriously this one at least must have hurt,” Kellin said, pointing at his own neck.

               “Nah. Not too bad at least. Mostly just felt weird. The ribcage hurt. The back of my hands hurt. My back piece hurt a bit but it was hand-poked so…”

               “Hand poked?” Kellin asked, incredulous.

               “Yeah. Like instead of the machine, they use these tools and hand poke the color into your skin,” Oli explained.

               “Now I wanna see them all. And not just to see you shirtless. Like I legit wanna see these.”

               Kellin wanted to see him shirtless? It didn’t matter. There was no way he could show all the scars, even if the tattoos helped cover them.

               “Maybe one day…in the distant future. If I haven’t scared you away by then,” he answered honestly.

               “You do realize that all you’re doing is motivating me to stick around, right?”

               ‘Just you wait,’ Oli thought grimly.

               The lunch bell rang shortly after, and this time Kellin caught Oli before he disappeared. “C’mon with me and Vic and we can grab lunch together. You can meet Rachel too.”

               Vic and Rachel turned out to way cooler than Oli had expected. They were clearly together, but they never made Kellin nor he feel uncomfortable as they sat out on the grass in the warm weather, eating lunch. Vic was funny, and Oli could see why Kellin was best friends with him. He exuded a sort of goofy, exciting energy that those around him seemed to soaked up. Rachel was quieter and snarky, but never mean. She even asked Oli if it was alright to eat her ham sandwich in front of him since he was vegetarian. Vic and Kellin also wore similar styles, ripped jeans and band t-shirts, but Kellin was just a bit taller, and his hair was shorter.

               “So how long have you been friends?” Oliver asked, fork stirring his left over veggie tofu stir-fry.

               “Diapers,” Vic grinned. “We only live a couple houses down from each other and our moms thought it would be cool to arrange playdates. Little did they know we’d become the dynamic duo this school loves, showing up, fucking shit up. It’s a glorious tale really.”

               “Already heard how you set a lab bench on fire,” Oliver smirked.

               “That’s not the half of it,” Rachel chimed in. “They almost blew up the school this summer too.”

               “What?” Oliver asked incredulously, looking to Kellin for an explanation.

               “It wasn’t our fault-“

               “I mean it sort of was,” Vic cut in. “We weren’t where we were supposed to be-“

               “But then they totally should have known that we weren’t with the crew!”

               “Just tell the story!” Rachel demanded, giggling.

               “Ok so Vic and I wanted better seats for the fourth of July fireworks-“

               “-that’s the holiday we celebrate where we beat your asses back to Britain-“

               Kellin shot Vic a look. “-so instead of hanging out on the hill and jockeying for seats because it’s always so crowded, we headed down through the woods. We were just gonna sit on the edge, so we could see the fireworks, but we’d be way closer. But while we were just clear of the woods we actually walked into where they were setting the fireworks up. They thought we were part of the set up crew, and we didn’t want to get in trouble, so we helped set up…”

               “…and this genius,” Vic laughed, “doesn’t know how hard you gotta stick some of the stabilizers in the ground, so when some of the fireworks went off, they tipped over and launched straight at the high school. So there we are, setting this stuff off, and all of a sudden there’s yelling and firetrucks because some of the windows got broke and Kellin started screaming like a little girl-“

               “-I did not!-“

               “-and so we ran back through the woods and didn’t stop till we got back to my house. And you totally screamed like a little girl. You know your falsetto and singing voice are unreasonably high.”

               “I didn’t scream! Oliver don’t listen to him!” But Oli was laughing too hard, imagining the entire thing, his head tilted back and eyes squeezed shut. When he opened them again, still laughing a little but trying to calm himself since his abs were starting to hurt, he caught Kellin looking at him with the softest affection and wonder. He looked away.

               “Your voice is a tad high,” Oli mumbled before having the courage to look at Kellin again. The look was still there, but there was mirth present too.

               “Traitor. You’re supposed to be on my side,” he kidded.

               “Your voice is really nice though. I liked listening to it yesterday,” Oli said, offering an olive branch.

               “I knew it!” Kellin exclaimed, smacking his own knee. Oliver was confused.

               “Knew what?”

               “You weren’t singing yesterday were you?”

               Oli rolled his eyes. “Aye. I was mouthing stuff ‘cause I don’t sound that good. I haven’t had that many arts ‘cause we don’t do that across the pond, so they wanted me to take a music and an art. I’m in design, and I went with chorus ‘cause I never played an instrument. My voice ain’t worth hearing.”

               “I bet you’re better than you think,” Rachel offered. “You can’t be any worse than Vic. He can scream along to rock songs, but there’s a reason he plays trumpet and guitar as opposed to being in Chorus.”

               “Owwww,” Vic moaned, clutching his chest and toppling backward.

               “Sorry hun. You know it’s the truth.” She turned back to Oli. “So how is America so far?”

               “It’s alright,” he shrugged. “Everything is so far apart though. You don’t think about driving two hours just to get to Detroit or nothing. And there’s flags everywhere. Lot’s of space in your gardens. Everyone is really friendly too. Mrs. Jennings, our neighbor, came over the other day because my mom’s car was in the shop and the pattern of coming and going at the house was ‘off’, and she thought something might be wrong. Is that normal?”

               “What you don’t take care of your neighbors in England?” Vic asked, sitting up.

               “We leave each other alone. The lady across from our flat would just as soon flip us off as look at us.”

               “The being nosey is kind of a midwest thing,” Kellin explained. “I think people in America just tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves a bit more.”

               “If that’s what you call it,” Oliver shrugged.

               The warning bell rang, and as they stood Oliver saw Kellin pause and look at him, concerned. “Kellin?” he asked, but then realized Kellin wasn’t looking at him, but beyond him. Turning he saw Derek along with a few other guys inside the large glass windows looking at them in much the same way Oli supposed wolves looked at elk.

               “C’mon. We’ll take the side door in,” Vic said, noticing the glares as well. Oliver stood for a moment, and did not take his eyes off them. He wouldn’t be intimidated by the likes of them, and he sure as hell wouldn’t let them lay a hand on Kellin. The feelings and protective urges from the day before roared back, and his right hand involuntarily became a fist, his nails digging into his palm. He hoped his eyes conveyed the warning he was sending them.

               “Oli?” Kellin’s voice brought him back to reality. Rachel and Vic were already at the side door but Kellin had stopped after a few steps, realizing that his new friend hadn’t followed. “Forget them,” he said as he beckoned Oli over. “They just like to intimidate other people. They tried it on me all this summer. It’s best to just ignore them or avoid them.”

               Oliver nodded, but knew deep down that would not be the case.  If there was one thing he knew, it was when people wanted to hurt you.

              

               Standing at the head of the hall, Oli did his best not to scratch at his arms as he waited for Kellin. Other students, loud and joking filtered past, throwing glances at him every now and again. He knew the tattoos made him stand out. He had garnered strange looks from students and teachers alike in Sheffield, but here he felt like a fish out of water. Not only did people not know him, but he was sure he looked like some sort of freak to them. Not that this bothered him. What got to him was the raucous noise they produced as they gathered. It reminded him of the cock fights his father would drag him to, and once he started thinking of those, he thought of his father, and further and further down the rabbit hole his mind continued until he could feel the cord flay his skin and he couldn’t breathe and-

               “Hey,” a light male voice snapped him out of it, and Oli blinked away the visions of blood and concrete floors to see Kellin standing in front of him with a look of purest concern. Shit. He hadn’t even been in the room this time. But just like that Kellin’s presence seemed to be an instant balm to his anxiety, and with a deep breath he could feel his heart rate slowing.

               “Hey,” Oli answered, forcing his voice to relax and not shake. This seemed to calm Kellin as well.

               “You ready to go in? I’m sure we’re starting soon so we won’t have to sit in the noise long,” he reassured. Oli nodded, but as they came to the door he could hear the ruckus and paused. It was then that he felt a warm hand slide into his own. Without saying a word, Kellin led him inside, parting through people until they reached their spot among the tenors. With the warm hand in his own, all the competing noises, smells and sensations were drown out, and he focused on the solid softness of Kellin’s hand in his own. Everything else seemed to disappear but the connection between them.

               Oli reluctantly took his hand back when class started, but gave Kellin a grateful look. It was still embarrassing, but he reminded himself of the promise that he would let Kellin help if he wanted to.

               “Alright I want to hand out our first piece for the Winter concert!” Mr. Hakes said. “I know it feels forever away, but it’s a complicated piece! I know many of you will recognize it,” he trailed off.

               “Daft Punk?” he heard Kellin murmur. Oli scooted a bit closer, so their shoulders touched, looking at the piece Kellin had been handed. It looked complicated, but he recognized the title. Just like last time they warmed up, but after a few lines the tattooed boy paused and looked at Kellin. He couldn’t hear the other’s beautiful voice. Having noticed that Oli had noticed, the corners of those sweet lips turned up in a smile as Kellin continued to mouth the words. Subtly he put a hand to his ear, as if listening for Oli’s voice. The little bastard.

               Oli wanted to scowl at him, but didn’t want to draw to much attention to himself. Inwardly sighing he leant his voice to those already singing. It was much lower than Kellin’s, but as soon as he started, Kellin started back up as well, and the situation was made clear; If Oli wanted to hear Kellin, he would have to sing as well. His felt his voice would have been much better if the music was guttural, and he could scream instead of putting an effort into finding pitch. But Kellin seemed delighted to hear his voice, and couldn’t stop smiling at him the entire time they practiced, and as bad as Oli thought he was, Kellin’s stunning smile, and the fact that it was he who made him smile, was the only thing that mattered.

               About ten minutes before class ended Mr. Hakes had them stop singing and sit on the stands, as he pulled out a stack of papers. “I think I have about twenty seniors this year,” he began, and Oli could see certain faces light up, including Kellin’s. “Those of you who have followed through and made it all this way have one more project from me, and as you all know it is the senior solos! Just like the last three years, they can be sung at the winter or the spring concert, but each song must be approved by me! No shirking with something too short or being divas with something super long. I’ve also decided to continue the policy from last year that you may do a duet as well as long as I approve it. All seniors must do this project to pass, but don’t worry my underclassmen! You will have a short writing assignment in which you will choose one of the seniors to critique. I will draw straws so half of you will have that assignment at Christmas, and the others in the spring. Seniors if you could come down here and get your slips for your pieces. I expect you to have a song decided by the first of October!”

               Oli felt his face go pale and his stomach drop. His fingers unconsciously gripped hard at the edge of the metal stand. He was going to have to go out in front of a crowd and sing? No. No he would have his therapist write him an excuse. There was no way he could sing, alone, in front of a crowd of people. He was going to be sick.

A hand gripped at his wrist and he felt the sting of the cuts from the day before, but it grounded him to Kellin’s presence once again. “Oli?” Voices of seniors and underclassmen murmured amongst one another excitedly.

“We have to sing? Like…in front of a crowd?” he asked tentatively.

“It will be ok. Some of the seniors have really shitty voices this year so you and I will stand out because we’re good. We should definitely do a duet!” Kellin encouraged.

“But your voice is so good! You don’t want me cocking that up,” Oli answered.  

“You’re way better than you think you are,” Kellin grinned. “And our voices are so different it would be perfect. I don’t want to sing by myself anyway. I mean I’ve been in Chorus for four years, but I always figured I would have to ask Jordan,” he gestured to one of the bassists, “to do a duet with me because I didn’t want to do it by myself. My voice is a bit high and would get lost if I sang with one of the girls. But now that you’re here…”

Oli took a deep breath and calmed himself. “As long as it’s not hard. I don’t like being in front of crowds though. I might freeze.”

“Well we’ll just have to hold hands the whole time then,” Kellin laughed, as if that wouldn’t be the most awkward thing in the world. In the end though, Oli found he could not deny him.

“Alright. But only ‘cause you asked. But I’m not making any promises.”

 “We’ll be great,” Kellin reassured, his hand sliding down and gripping Oli’s. Tentatively, Oliver squeezed back.

 

 

 

Kellin was falling. He knew it and by God he couldn’t bring himself to care. What had started with visual infatuation and curiosity had grown into something deep and twisting within him over the weeks, like a vine that started in his breast and worked its way through his veins and vessels until it reached his outer extremities without him even being aware.

He first began to notice the sensation when they had been eating lunch outside and Vic must have said something funny, because Oli stuck his tongue through his teeth and gave the most carefree of grins, causing Kellin’s heart to nearly stop. Oliver was undoubtably attractive, with high cheekbones that models would kill for, sleepy hazel eyes, and a general bone structure that was only enhanced by the many tattoos, skinny jeans and plaid shirts. But that moment when his eyes crinkled and he laughed, Kellin could see a part of him that wanted to shine through all the anxiety and shyness that he usually wrapped himself in, and it was like staring at the sun.

It had been a fleeting moment, but the sensations returned when Kellin presented Oliver with the piece of music he thought they could do. At first Oli had been skeptical.

“This is church music,” he said in an almost whine.

“Not entirely,” Kellin had grinned back. “It goes to a different tune. Like this.” Taking the piece of music back, Kellin began to sing the familiar lyrics, but to a tune he hoped Oli would recognize. At that moment he watched as Oli’s eyes widened, his pupils dilating in apparent pleasure, joy vibrating from his skinny frame.

“That’s…that’s amazing,” he had said softly.

“No, it’s Amazing Grace. We’re just going to sing it to the tune of The House of the Rising Sun,” Kellin had teased.

“No, I mean…You. You’re amazing,” Oli had said, his voice full of adoration. At that Kellin could feel the tingling sensation travel down his body until it reached his toes. He’d been called cool and sexy and all those things by friends and family and boyfriends past, but when Oliver had said it, he truly felt it. No one had ever had that effect on him before. Kellin had never really been at a loss for words. If anything, running his mouth got him in trouble, but here he was staring open mouthed at Oli, unsure of how to respond.

“Thanks,” he eventually answered, letting the warm sensation settle deep in his chest.

What had really made him realize how hard he was falling for Oliver was the weekend they had gone to the cider mill. It was a tradition between the Fuentes and Quinn mothers that they took their kids to the cider mill the first weekend of October for apple picking, hay rides, corn mazes and Kellin’s favorite part: the cider and fried cakes. Naturally Vic had asked Rachel, and Kellin had asked Oli. At first Oli had been apprehensive, seemingly terrified of the idea of meeting Kellin’s mother, but with much begging and cajoling, he had given in and agreed. The two families planned to meet at the mill, but Kellin would pick Oli up on the way.

“Turn here,” Kellin said, pointing at the little street with two large oaks standing sentry at its mouth. He glanced back at his phone to make sure he was following the blue illuminated route correctly.

“Did you tell Oli to dress for the weather? They said it’s going to stay sunny but turn cold this afternoon,” his mother asked.

“Yeah. He says he doesn’t mind the cold though. Said weather in Sheffield was always so mild, they either got fog or rain, so it will be nice to see some snow and stuff.” Up the little street of ranch houses they went until they came to a small green one with a twisted crabapple sitting out front, leaves already changing color in the autumn sun.

Oliver had emerged as soon as they were in the driveway, his own mother standing at the doorway and waving to Kellin’s. Even from his seat in the back Kellin could see the same chocolate hair and beautifully structured face, knowing now where Oli had gotten his looks from. As he lightly padded down the front steps Kellin took in the grey skinny jeans and dark red hoodie with some sort of band name on the front, complete with Oli’s usual converse sneakers. He slid in beside Kellin with a greeting and then looked to the driver. “How do you do Ms. Quinn. Thank-you for picking me up.”

“Oh it’s no problem dear,” she grinned into the rearview mirror as she backed out of the driveway. “It’s nice to finally meet you since Kells talks about you non-stop.”

“Mom!” Kellin whined, sending his mother an exasperated look. But this just made Oli grin and quietly look out the window so that the others would not see him blush.

“What? I’m just being honest.”

“I’m never talking to you again,” Kellin huffed in indignance.

“Oh please hun. I doubt you could stop talking to God himself if he asked,” Ms. Quinn said. “Even when you were mad at Jeff when we started dating you still talked his ear off.”

Oli looked at Kellin in askance. “My step-dad,” Kellin clarified. “He’s alright.”

“So, have you ever gone apple picking?” his mother asked their guest.

“Nah. We don’t really do that around where I lived so much. That’s usually for toffs in the country.”

“Well you’re in for a treat then! Vivian and I take our kids every year. It will be so sad next year when Kellin and Vic are off to college. It will just be the girls and us…”

The conversation weaved in and out, and thankfully Kellin’s mother didn’t embarrass him too many more times before they reached the Mill. It was a large, brightly lit wooden structure, and Kellin could smell the scent of apples and good foods as soon as he was outside. Oli was obviously taking it in too as his closed his eyes and scented the air, his long lashes casting shadows on his pale cheeks, hair creating a golden crown in the sunshine.

“There you are!” Kellin heard a familiar voice and saw Vic with Rachel, his mother, and his younger twin sisters waiting by their mini-van.

“I wanna do the hay ride!” One girl exclaimed.

“No! Corn maze first!” The other demanded.

“C’mon,” Vic said, holding Rachel’s hand as they joined Kellin and Oli. “Everyone knows apple picking is where it’s at.” Vic and Rachel waved at Ms. Quinn and grabbing two wooden bushels, headed through the gates and out onto the orchard. “We’ll meet you in a little bit. Rachel wants some Cortlands, and I know you only want honeycrisp.”

“Yeah that’s fine. We’ll meet you by the bees,” Kellin answered.

Vic saluted as a grinning Rachel dragged him off.

“Honeycrisp?” Oli inquired as he follows Kellin into the trees. People milled about around them.

“Yeah. They’re the best apples. My mom and I love them.”

“I didn’t realize you had a step-dad,” Oli admitted softly.

Kellin shrugged. “He’s alright. He treats my mom right and that’s really all that matters to me. They’ve been married for almost 8 years now. I sort of hated him in the beginning, but it’s kind of nice now knowing my mom won’t be alone if I go to college.”

“Do you…do you see your dad ever?”

Kellin felt a slight emptiness in his chest. He didn’t really think about his dad anymore, but the ache was there if he thought about it enough. “Haven’t seen him since he walked out the door when I was four.”

“S-sorry. I’m a tosser for asking-“

“It’s alright. I would have told you eventually anyway. Not like it’s a secret. I just don’t think about him much any more because I don’t really need him. Y’know?”

Oliver seemed to consider the answer, and then nodded, still looking a bit uneasy.

“So, here’s the deal. No bruises, no holes, perfect apples only,” he said, changing the subject to Oli’s relief.

Setting to work they went from tree to tree, plucking apples. Oli would check with Kellin now and again to make sure things were satisfactory before placing them in the bushel. They were half full and had been nearly down the entire line of honeycrisp trees when Kellin whined, “Man these are so picked over this year. The last good ones are at the tops.”

At this Oliver gave him a smirk. “I have an idea.” Standing under one of the trees he grabbed two sturdy branches and lifted his legs off the ground. “Now lift me the rest of the way,” he said quickly, his voice strained.

After staring for but a moment Kellin dived underneath him and grasping each ankle came up between Oli’s legs so that the skinny boy could sit on his shoulders. Kellin didn’t work out much beyond gym class or going for the occasional run with Vic while the latter was in Soccer season, so he had expected Oli to feel heavier. The former brit was light though and Kellin kept him steady as he reached into the upper most branches, plucking apples and stuffing them in his hoodie pocket. His legs were warm and tight on Kellin’s shoulders, and the idea that the other’s crotch was right behind his head did not escape him. From their closeness Kellin could smell the laundry detergent the other used, mingled of course with something that was uniquely Oli.

“Ok, let me down,” Oli said, his pocket overflowing with apples.

“Never,” Kellin beamed, tilting his head to see Oli looking down at him.

“Stop taking the piss and put me down,” Oli rolled his eyes fondly.

With a grunt, Kellin took a knee and Oliver slid off. “I think we got enough,” Oli declared, emptying his hoodie into the bushel to create a mound of apples.

“Sweet!” Kellin grinned. “C’mon let’s head over to the bees.”

Oliver held the heavy bushel on his hip and followed Kellin toward the corner of the huge orchard. Boxes of honeybees buzzed lazily through the cooling air as the wind picked up a bit. The nights had been getting colder, and the weatherman had hinted at the arrival of perhaps some flurries the following week.

“Ugh they’re probably off making out in a tree somewhere,” Kellin scoffed as they waited for the couple, earning a chuckle from Oli.

“It’s fine. It’s not like we’re in a rush,” Oli soothed, and Kellin watched him pick the last dandelions of the season that had popped up in the grass.

“Says you. I want donuts. I skipped lunch for a reason. And oh man, you gotta try their hot cider. It’s all hot and spicy. And when it’s fresh from the mill…” Kellin trailed off with a sigh. Oli listened to him chatter about the treats for the next few minutes, his deft hands working on the flowers. Kellin kept watch toward the Cortland row without a sign of Rachel or Vic. Suddenly he felt something light encompassing his head.

“What are you-“

“Don’t touch it.” Oli’s command stopped him. The other stood before him, adjusting whatever was on his head with a look of concentration on his visage, face mere inches from his own. It took everything in Kellin not to simply lean forward and kiss him. Stepping back Oli pulled his phone from his back pocket and Kellin automatically smiled. “Perfect.”

“Can I see?” Kellin asked curiously, and the other held out the phone. There on the screen was Kellin grinning, a crown of dandelions encircling his head. “Where’d you learn how to make these?” he asked, reaching up a hand and feeling the fuzzy blossoms.

Oli shrugged. “I don’t know. When I was a little tyke I guess. I was always learning and doing weird shit.”

“Alright well if you get a photo, I get one too,” he said, and without asking gently lifted the crown from his head and placed it gently on Oli’s. A shy smiled bloomed on the boy’s face, and his hazel eyes looked up into Kellin’s steel ones, and God if he wasn’t the most beautiful thing Kellin had ever seen right then. “Say bloody apples!”

“What?” Oliver laughed, and Kellin snapped the picture. It was so perfect; Oli’s eyes crinkled, gorgeous lips open and smiling mid-laugh. The sheer joy and energy in the photo caused Kellin’s stomach to lurch.

It was then that he realized that he was in deep. So deep. Oliver Sykes and his every glance, mood, heartbeat was sinking further into Kellin until all he wanted to do was never say goodbye. His chest ached with the sheer want of wanting to be with him without ceasing. Never had he felt this with anyone before, and the realization felt heavy and stole the breath from his body. This boy had him so fucked.

“You meant these bee boxes?” a familiar voice rang out, and Kellin turned his head to see Rachel and Vic emerge from the trees.

“They’re only bee boxes around,” Kellin said incredulously.

“There’s some by the Empire apples too,” Vic answered.

“That’s a good look for you Oli,” Rachel giggled, and Vic noticed the crown of dandelions.

“I actually made them for Kellin, see?” he said pulling out his phone.

“Awww, that’s so cute Kells!” Rachel gushed. “You two are adorable.”

“Alright I’m getting cavities, let’s go,” Vic groaned, making Kellin and Oli chuckle again.

They paid for the apples and put them in the car before finding the rest of their party by the corn maze. Oli had put the crown back on Kellin’s head, and when his mother saw it, she looked for a moment before rolling her eyes with a chuckle and saying, “I don’t even want to know.”

“Are you ready for the best donuts you’ve ever had?” Kellin excitedly asked as the group headed towards the mill. With the sun beginning to sink lower in the sky, the mill itself attracted more people in to escape the cold wind that had picked up.

Oli frowned though as he saw the mill. “It’s really crowded.” It took a moment for Kellin to read between the lines. All the smells and sounds and temp changes could trigger Oli’s sensory overload. Without hesitation he reached out and took Oli’s hand, ignoring the fleeting glances of those around them, including his mom. Heck, she had known how big of a crush he had on the other boy.

“Let me know if it gets to be too much,” Kellin commanded just before they walked in, and felt Oli’s fingers grip his own back.

Inside, the mill was bright and homey, and the strong scent of apples permeated everything. Oli did not let go of Kellin’s hand the entire time, though it wavered between positively loose and nearly a death grip. In the end they came away with a dozen donuts, and while Kellin and his mother had gotten hot cider, Oli had opted for the frozen cider slushy. Vic, as per usual, had made sure to get at least half a dozen apple fritters to himself and Kellin almost choked on his cider when he comically nearly dropped them in the parking lot.

The second they were in the car Kellin was opening the box of fried cakes. “You want plain, chocolate, or vanilla?” he asked as Oli slid in beside him.

“Surprise me,” Oli answered.

“Mom?” Kellin nodded to his mother as she started the car.

“You know I’m a simple girl at heart Kells,” she answered, turning and looking back before reversing.

Kellin slipped her a plain donut, and then pulled out one with chocolate frosting and orange and yellow sprinkles to offer to Oli. He reserved a vanilla one with rainbow sprinkles for himself. Street lights flitted through the car as it became dusk out, and Kellin watched Oli devour the donut as the boy watched the trees and streets go by.

“Is it not the best thing you’ve ever had?” Kellin asked excitedly.

“It’s the dog’s bollocks,” Oli answered once he’d swallowed. This caused Ms. Quinn to erupt in laughter and Kellin to even chuckle. “What I say?”

“Sorry it’s…Your accent,” Ms. Quinn breathed, calming down. “It’s adorable dear.”

Oli gave Kellin a confused look, but Kellin had to agree. “She’s right dude.” The other boy just rolled his eyes and went back to eating the treat. “So, I’m assuming dog’s bullocks means it’s the best thing you’ve ever eaten.”

“Second best,” Oli said, licking his fingers of frosting and almost causing Kellin to choke on his own donut.

“Second? How is this second?! What could possibly beat this? I swear if you say some veggie salad thing…”

Oli just stuck his tongue between his teeth, grinning his trademarked grin and said, “There’s this little vegan cafe in Sheffield called Make No Bones. It’s right on the Don and it looks like this little badly painted pub, and they make these avocado wings, and if I had to choose a last meal, it would be those. They are bloody brilliant.”

“I can’t believe you got beaten out by a veggie,” Kellin said to the last bite of his donut before popping it in his mouth.

After dropping Oli off, Kellin switched to the front seat and waited for what he knew might be coming.

“He seems very sweet,” his mother began, as they came to the stop sign.

“He is,” Kellin agreed, fingering the crown atop his head.

“He’s like a walking contradiction though,” she continued as they turned up their street. “He looks very tough and rebellious with those tattoos, but he’s really rather reserved. I expected him to be more like Vic or something.”

“Well I told you, his dad got arrested and stuff. He hasn’t told me a ton about Sheffield but from what I get snippets of, it’s usually pretty negative. The vegan joint he mentioned was the happiest memory he’s shared.”

“Well I remember you telling me he has sensory overload,” she murmured as she pulled into the garage. “He’s not autistic, and it didn’t seem like he had tourette’s…”

“I talked to Rachel about it and we both think it may be PTSD related,” Kellin said, pulling the bushel of apples from the car as his mother grabbed the treats. “I just can’t figure out the inciting incident. Like I don’t want to just up and ask him and make him relive it but…”

“But you want to help. I get it Kells. I feel the same way about my patients sometimes. I feel like if they were more open with me they’d feel better and I’d be able to help them more. Sometimes it’s best to wait and let them realize they need the help though. I’m sure when Oliver feels more comfortable, he’ll open up to you. But you need to remember that everything here is strange and new to him, and he’s still adjusting to living in America.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he said, opening the door into the house. “I get these glimpses though, when he’s really happy and he’s just…I don’t know.”

“Just…?” His mother prompted, raising an eyebrow and looking at her son as he shed his sneakers int eh back hallway.

“It’s like I’m looking at an angel,” Kellin whispered. At this his mother smiled.

“Oh boy. Well you have your work cut out for you if that’s what you want,” she smiled.

“Yeah, I really think it is.”

That night Kellin lay in his bed, scrolling through his phone, crown of flowers placed on the pillow next to him. Every so often he found his eyes drifting up to it, now withering, his thoughts turning to the British boy. He felt he was at a strange crossroads of wanting to let Oli know how deeply he cared, and demanding Oli open up. It wasn’t that he thought anything the boy had gone through would make him balk at dating him, but he had been open with Oli about everything in his life, and he wished the other boy trusted him in the same manner.

Whatever was holding Oliver back, Kellin assumed it must have been traumatic. While Oli was generally content, if not happy when with Kellin, the blue-eyed boy sometimes caught the brit garnering a closed-off, painful look when he thought Kellin wasn’t looking. It was usually after something he hadn’t meant to say, but then sometimes it was after completely mundane conversations, and it made Kellin feel as though Oli was shutting him out from the painful parts of his heart. Kellin did not want that. This feeling that had grown in him demanded that he know all of Oli, even the sad and gritty secrets that Oli apparently clutched to.

Falling asleep that night, Kellin resolved to get to the bottom of the mystery that was Oliver Sykes, even if it took him the rest of the school year to do so.

 

 

With the snap of her fingers, Mother Nature had created a bright and dazzling landscape of reds, golds, oranges and browns in the following weeks. The air had turned cold as well, and many a times when Vic would pick Kellin up in the morning they both could see their breath in the defective little car. The weather had turned decidedly gloomy as well. The sun had not shown for days, and if it wasn’t raining, it was blowing, and as much as Kellin enjoyed those days, there was only so much cold rain someone could handle before starting to make deals with God for just a few rays of sun.

Oliver seemed to be in his element though. The cold rain did not bother him in the least, and he gently teased Kellin, Vic, and Rachel about their desperate need for sun now and again. He even enjoyed walking home in it. While it wasn’t usually quite this cold, he had explained that he could recall months when he had seen no sun with something akin to a dreamy sigh. Vic had called him nuts, and Oliver had retorted that the other three were soft.

It was on one such rainy day right before Halloween when Kellin found himself confronted with the knowledge he had been so desperate to find for the past couple months, and he knew his life would not be the same after.

“Do they celebrate Halloween in Britain, Oli?” Rachel asked, stirring the salad in her Tupperware container. They were at a small lunch table in the corner, as far from the noise as they could for Oli’s sake, the courtyard nearly underwater in the rain.

“Yeah, l’il bit. It’s getting more popular each year. Like when I was a tot no one really did it, but later on it got more popular.”

“You ever dress up?” Kellin asked, curious to see what Oli would have donned for a costume, but the other shook his head.

“Nah. We didn’t really celebrate any holidays.” There, just for a millisecond Kellin could see that blank pained expression, but it was gone so quickly that it might have been a figment of his imagination as well. “I take it you have?”

“Oh my God, now you’ll get them started,” groaned Rachel, but was cut off by Vic.

“Halloween is only the GREATEST holiday ever and anyone who says otherwise is just wrong,” he said finally.

Seeing Oli’s comically overwhelmed face, Kellin nodded in solidarity. “He’s right. Vic and I have done duo costumes since forever, too.”

“Duo costumes…?” Oli asked, plucking a grape from the ziplock bag he’d packed himself.

“Yeah, like our first one was a cowboy and an Indian when we were five, and then we’ve done Chip’n’dale, thing one and thing two, a taco and a hotsauce packet, Wayne and Garth, and last year we had these sumo suits and would wrestle in the hall between class,” Vic explained, excitement evident in his voice.

“What are you doing this year?” Oli asked naively.

“We’re so glad you asked,” Kellin grinned. Pulling out his phone he slid a picture over to Oli, and watched his eyes furrow.

“But Kiss has four members,” Oli stated, raising an eyebrow at Kellin.

“Which is where you and Rachel come in!” Vic exclaimed. “Rachel is bomb at make-up, and we can totally win the school’s group contest this year. C’mon it will be fun,” he added when he saw Oli’s apprehensive face.

“Pleeeeeaaaasee?” Kellin pleaded, fluttering his eyelashes and giving Oliver the strongest puppy eyes he could muster.

“I must be losing the plot,” Oli sighed, but a smirk settled on his face. “What do I have to do?”

“Yes! Told you he’d say yes if you used your puppy eyes,” Vic gloated at Kellin.

The lunch warning bell rang and they stood up from the table, making their way toward the large double doors in the back. Oli said aloud, “I feel like I got played.”

Vic turned around to walk backward, grinning at the brit and saying, “Don’t you know that’s his secret weapon dude? It’s so powerful he’s gotten us out of detention more than once, and the only living soul I know who is not susceptible is his mo-oof!”

In being backward Vic had walked right into a solid, leather jacketed body, and Kellin felt his heart freeze when he realized who it was. Derek. And he wasn’t alone.

“Sorry man-“ Vic began to apologize.

“Watch it gringo!” Derek spat, fixing Vic with a glare.

Kellin felt rage at the insult. Vic was partly Mexican by descent, and every time someone had brought it up when they were growing up together, Kellin had just about lost it, because while Vic was usually thick-skinned, he’d always deep down hated that particular insult.

“Don’t be a turd Derek. He didn’t mean to and he said he was sorry,” Rachel chimed in.

“That’s rich coming from someone who obviously likes gringo dick,” Derek retorted, garnering several laughs from the little group that seemed to float with him everywhere lately. They had been shooting glares and mocking the four of them now and again for the past few weeks, but it had always been from a distance, and Kellin had ignored it. But this he could not.

“Oh please you’d sell your soul just to lick his dick with how thirsty you are,” Kellin snapped. Instantly Derek’s eyes darkened and the small group became quiet.

“What did you say slut?”

Kellin felt the back of his neck go hot and his thoughts of curbing his tongue disappeared. “You heard me you insignificant, dickless, ass. I used to think you were just a terrible boyfriend, when in reality you’re just a scum-bag of a human being that can’t figure out how to remove his giant head from his own ass because you’re a self-abosrbed, vain, bitchy, douchenoggin who will never be happy in life, and I regret every single second I ever wasted with you.”

Derek was clearly seeing red at that point and took two steps forward. Kellin felt his body brace for what he assumed would be Derek grabbing his shirt and maybe shaking him this time, but instead found a warm presence come to stand just in front of his shoulder. Oliver, who had not said a word the entire exchange stood like a brick wall, and even from the side Kellin could see the feral, dangerous look in his eyes. He may have been a skinny vegetarian, but the energy rolling off him at that point reminded Kellin of a WWE wrestler, and even Derek seemed to realize this as he paused.

“You don’t really want me to embarrass you in front of your mates, do you?” Oli growled, and Kellin felt his stomach twist at the deadly tone.

“This isn’t over,” Derek ground out after a moment of sizing Oli up. “C’mon,” he barked at his entourage and disappeared down the hall.

Oli sighed and scrubbed at his face with his hands, and Kellin watched him visibly deflate from his fighting posture. With the hands removed he looked tired and distant, until he heard Vic exclaim. “Dude. That was one of the most badass things I’ve ever seen someone do.”

A soft smile settled on the brit’s face as they resumed their travel down the hall together.

“You’re lucky his friends didn’t jump in,” Rachel said. “You could have gotten hurt.”

“Those buggers looked like they’d prefer us five on one than in a group. Cowards,” Oli reassured her. “You’ll need to be careful though,” he added, looking at Kellin. “Derek will be coming for you. He won’t let everything you say lie there.”

Kellin shrugged, “I’ll just be sure to hang around you or Vic. Really, deep down Derek is a pussy.”

Oli didn’t say anything, but Kellin watched as the frown settled on his face, his thoughts turning inward. Kellin never thought Derek actually capable hurting someone more than a punch or two. He could not have been more wrong.

Rachel had to stay after a few minutes for a French club meeting, and Vic had promised that he would take her home, so Kellin sat with him in the hallway waiting for her. They had been chilling and chatting until Vic suddenly asked, “So when are you gonna tell Oli that you love him?”

Kellin had told Vic how cute he thought Oli was from time to time, but while Vic really did accept every part of him, Kellin never felt the need to gush to him about his romances. That was the sort of stuff he usually shared with his mom. He shouldn’t have been surprised though; Vic knew him so well. He shrugged, “I don’t know. Whenever I get up the courage I guess. He’s so hard to read sometimes though. I think we’re flirting and then he just…he freezes up or something.”

“Dude he is so in love with you,” Vic chuckled.

“How do you know?” Kellin asked incredulously. What had he missed?

“I know how he looks at you when he doesn’t think you’re looking.”

“Oh? And what is that like?”

“The same way you look at him when you think he’s not. I swear the both of you make heart eyes at each other one more time and Rachel and I might start knocking your heads together.”

“Rachel knows too?!”

“Well duh! The only idiots oblivious about how much you both want each other is the two of you! And since we don’t know Oli well enough to tell him what to do, I get to have this conversation with you. Although him standing up to Derek because of something I started…that was pretty badass. For a vegetarian.”

Kellin gave a short laugh. “Yeah you should have seen when he grabbed Derek’s wrist.”

“I don’t doubt it. Oli’s super nice but sometimes he’s…what’s a good word…intense I guess? Like it’s do or die for him.”

“Yeah,” Kellin agreed. “I don’t think he was very happy living with his dad.”

“He definitely smiles when he’s with you though. You should see his eyes light right up when we walk into chem. He’s got it bad for you.” Vic smirked. Kellin rolled his eyes.

Rachel came out shortly after and the three of them huddled under her umbrella as they made their way to Vic’s car.

“Ok I don’t care what Oli says. I don’t know how anyone can live with this much rain,” she lamented as Vic pulled out of the parking lot.

“Mom’s threatened to build an ark at least ten times this week,” Vic agreed.

Kellin let them whine as he looked out the window at the woods fluttering by as they wound around the streets back to their little old development. A black pickup was on the side of the road and Kellin squinted at it, instantly recognizing it as Derek’s. What was he doing here? His house was on the other side of town. Kellin saw one of the entourage leaning up against the bed with a smirk, looking towards the woods. In the seconds they past Kellin could just make out several figures in the rain.

“VIC! Stop the car!” Kellin commanded frantically.

Vic frantically applied the brake and pulled over, and Kellin pulled at the locked back door. “Dude what are you-?”

Throwing the lock open he bolted out, with just a single uttered name: Oli.

Heart in his throat and shoes soaking through the mud and tall grass, Kellin ran toward the group of boys in the rain. He instantly recognized the converse shoes and soaked skinny jeans of Oliver, held between two boys as the other two took turns kicking him.

“OLI!!” Kellin screeched desperately as he flew at full speed toward them. The boy who had been staying by the truck tried to grab him, but Kellin shoved him into the mud, easily escaping his grasp. Looking up and lunging toward the group again he saw the brunette’s head pop up, hazel eyes pained, surprised and desperate. There was blood dripping down his chin, and Kellin just wanted to tear apart every person who laid a finger on him.

               “Kellin NO!” Oliver tried to warn him away, more blood dribbling down in the process.

               But Kellin didn’t listen, couldn’t listen. The two boys who had been kicking turned just in time for Kellin to recognize the one as Derek, already a bit bloodied, and Kellin wheeled to slam into him. “You fucking piece of shit!” He screamed, blows reigning down on the stunned boy.

               “Kellin!” Oli struggled against his two holders, and Kellin looked up at his voice just in time to see the other attacker grab a muddy rock.

               “Shut up!” the other boy commanded and slammed the rock at Oli’s head. As if in slow motion, Kellin watched Oli’s head snap to the left and his whole body went limp, the holding boys letting go as he dropped into the mud.

               The boy with the rock turned just in time for Kellin to release a howl and launch at him, causing him to drop the rock. “You piece of shit!” Kellin repeated, his right fist slamming into the side of the other boy’s face repeatedly while his left gripped the jacket to hold him still. Suddenly two other figured were there and Vic had grabbed one of the holding boys, and Rachel slammed her foot down on Derek’s groaning form to keep him from running away. Kellin couldn’t stop punching the other boy, anger coursing through him. How dare he hit Oli, how dare he howdarehe!?

               “Kellin! Kellin stop!” Arms encircled him and pulled him off his quarry, and he struggled until he realized it was Vic. “Dude’s done man. You don’t have to beat on him anymore!” His best friend’s voice permeated through his senses and he looked around wildly, Rachel was still holding down Derek, but Oli’s prone form lay just beyond, and Kellin pushed at Vic’s arms to release him and stumbled toward the boy in the mud.

               Dropping to his knees, Kellin pulled Oli’s soaked upper body into his lap. The gash from the rock was actively bleeding, there was a blossoming bruise on his left cheek and his chin was covered in blood. His vision swirled with hot tears and he shook Oliver’s shoulders. “Oli…Oli wake up please,” he asked in a broken voice. “Oli…” he choked, kissing his forehead and clutching the other.

               A groan escaped the beaten boy’s throat and hazel eyes blinked open into the rain. “Kells?” his voice asked.

               “Oli. Here take it slow,” Kellin said, arm not leaving the other’s shoulders as he helped him sit up. Rain was still misting down, and Oli’s brown locks stuck to his face and neck. A tattooed, pale hand held his head for a moment with a groan. Kellin looked back to Rachel and Vic, “Call an ambulance.”

               “No!” Oli instantly shouted, but seemed to regret it immediately after. “No doctors,” he added in a softer tone, his eyes clenching shut as he fought for control of his own breathing.

               “You got hit on the head with a rock,” Vic exclaimed over the pattering of rain, causing Oli to wince again.

               “Please? My mum doesn’t need the stress of me seeing another doctor…” Oli pleaded, opening his eyes again and looking at Kellin in anguish.

               Weighing his options Kellin sighed and hung his head a moment. Then he looked up to his best friend, “Help me get him up. I’ll have my mom look at him. She’ll be home in a little bit,” He looked back to his crush. “If she says you need to go to the hospital then you’re going. No complaining.”

               Relieved, Oli agreed. Vic knelt on the other side of the brit and pulled one of Oli’s arms around his shoulders. “One, two, three!” Vic said as they helped lift the slight boy between them. Oli worked to get his legs underneath himself, hobbling as he could through the uneven terrain back to the car.

               Glancing about, Kellin noticed that Derek and his gang were missing. “Where’d Derek go?” he asked.

               “I kicked his ass back to the car and told him that if he ever looked at you or Oli cross-eyed again I’d have my dad sue them. His little friends went with him,” Rachel explained, scooping up Oli’s bag from the ditch. “I didn’t tell them I was totally going to let my parents know what happened though. They are in such deep shit…” she trailed off, and Kellin couldn’t help but feel grateful for her parent’s standing in the community. With her father a lawyer and her mother deputy to the mayor, the scene girl might look like an outsider, but she was anything but.  

               Rachel opened the back door to the little white sedan while Kellin and Vic helped deposit Oli into the back seat. The latter was beginning to shiver, and Kellin realized that they were all soaked. The brit wiped at the blood on his chin and leaned gingerly back into the seat in the middle in between Rachel and Kellin. Kellin didn’t let go of his hand, Oli gripping back just as fiercely and giving Kellin a grateful look.

               “So, what happened? Did they just jump you? And why wasn’t Tom with you? Don’t you normally walk home with him?” he asked.

               “Tom was staying after for the Science Olympiad,” Oli explained, slinging an arm across his apparently tender midrift. “They must have seen me walking alone and thought I would be easy to pick off.”

               As he explained Kellin’s free hand dug around in his backpack and grabbed at the pack of tissues his mother always stuck in there at the beginning of the year. He grabbed a wad of them and pressed them to bleeding gash on Oli’s brow. The other boy hissed and tried to move away, with a “Fuck mate,” but Kellin held him still.

               “Hold still. Head wounds like to bleed,” Kellin commanded, trying to steady his shaking voice.

               Oli immediately stilled and let Kellin do as he liked.

               “See? This is why you shouldn’t be walking around in this weather, no matter how much you love it,” Vic said, trying to lighten the terrifying moment, and earning a soft smile from Oli. Kellin couldn’t find it in him to reciprocate.

               “Oi, but I was giving back pretty good when it was just me and that one bloke. Then his friends jumped in to save him and it all went to shambles.”

               Kellin’s house quickly came into view. “Do you need help?” Vic asked, looking back to Kellin and Oli as he parked the car.

               “I got him,” Kellin said, sharing a look with Vic, and pulling Oli’s arm over his shoulder.

               “Thanks, mate,” Oli muttered, shooting Vic a last glance before Kellin helped him from the car and they hobbled together with their bags up the front steps.

               “Feel better Oli!” Rachel called after them.

               “My mom will be home soon,” Kellin assured as he dropped their bags right inside the front door and helped Oli to a chair at the kitchen table. He was full on shivering now and looked uncomfortable. “We should get you out of those wet clothes. You’ll catch a cold.”

               “No,” came the quiet but firm answer, the brunette looking down at his lap intensely. Kellin shed his jacket and shoes, along with his soaked socks. The bottom of his pants were wet but at least his t-shirt was dry. His knuckles were beginning to ache as some of the adrenaline wore off, and he looks down to see they were a bit red and bruised. This was not going to be an easy conversation.

               Kneeling down in front of the other boy, he pushed his hair from his own face. He took a deep breath, taking the shaking, tattooed hands into his own and holding them gently. Looking up he watched Oli’s eyes flick to their joined hands before finding his own blue ones. “Do you know how scared I was just now?” he asked softly. It was not an accusation. It was a legitimate question. Oliver shook his head minutely, rain dripping from his locks. “I was so scared that I almost threw up. I don’t think Vic even stopped the car and I was out and all I knew was that I had to get to you. And then when you got hit with that rock…” Kellin could feel his breath picking up, his throat tightening, and he looked away for a moment to regain his composure. “You just fell…and…and if Vic hadn’t pulled me off that other kid, I think I would have killed him. And you…you didn’t wake up at first and my whole world just stopped. And I was so scared…” Kellin’s voice wavered, and he could feel a few rebellious tears slip down his cheeks like traitorous snaked.

               Taking Oli’s hands he held them to his face, warming them and quelling the shaking. Oli watched him, a thousand different emotions stirring in his eyes. “I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me,” Kellin said slowly. “And I haven’t run away from you yet. I know you must have something under here that you don’t want anyone else seeing,” he stated, moving his fingers up to Oli’s soaking hoodie and caressing the dark red material, “and sometimes when I look at you, you seem like you’re carrying all these dark skeletons with you. And you don’t want anyone to know that they’re too heavy for you. But I want to know. I want to help you carry them. Let me help you carry them.”

               Oliver glanced away, and Kellin could tell he was trying to hold in tears. “I…You’ll be so mad. And upset, and disgusted,” the lower voice protested weakly. “I…I don’t want to lose what I already have with you just because I’m a fuckin’ mess. I feel like I’m drowning all the fuckin’ time and I don’t want to drag you under,” he choked out.

               Reaching up with a tentative touch, Kellin redirected Oli’s face back to him and placed his lips softly over the other’s. It was soft and sweet, and when Kellin stopped the hazel eyes stared back at him amazed, tears finally spilling over.

               “Help me help you back to shore then, because I’m already in the water with you,” Kellin breathed against his lips, and then gave him just a touch more space.

               For a moment Oli watched him, breathing and Kellin could see him deciding one way or the other.

               “Ok,” came the whispered answer. Kellin immediately reached for the wet hoodie, but Oli stopped him. “Not…not here. Somewhere private. Please.”

               Nodding, Kellin helped him up and to his bedroom. It was blue and had a bunch of band posters, trinkets scattered on his desk along with papers everywhere. He gathered dirty clothes and shoved them into his dirty laundry basket before pulling out two pair of dry jogging pants and an extra shirt for each of them to change into.

               Oliver perched at the edge of Kellin’s unmade bed apprehensively. Without words Kellin tugged at the dark red hoodie and helped Oli gingerly pull it over his head. Underneath was the red and black slimming plaid shirt Kellin recognized from earlier that day. There were blood stains down his neck and dripping underneath the soaked garment. Kellin made to undo the buttons but Oli’s quivering hands stopped him, and the boy looked up to see the other still warring with himself.

               “Oli?” he asked softly.

               After a few breaths he looked to Kellin in defeat and nodded, allowing him to continue to unbutton the shirt. Another short sleeve shirt was underneath, but Kellin could for once properly see the rose tattoo on the front of his neck. Coming to the last button he slipped the material from Oli’s shoulders slowly, as if he were some sort of fragile piece and Kellin was afraid to break him. Tattoos sprang up all the way down the arms, marred by bumps and lines that were blended into them. Kellin took in the scars, expertly hidden in ink, removing one sleeve, but stopped when his thumb grazed over the inside of Oli’s wrist as he went to remove the other. That article slumped to the bed and Kellin gently pulled both forearms forward, pliant but quaking, exposing the wrists to see all the many cuts, some half healed, some fresh, and some leaving faint scars. Oh. This was what he’d been hiding. This was why he never just wore t-shirts, or rolled his sleeves up. All the pain and struggle had been painted so fiercely on these arms and Kellin could feel his heart breaking just looking at them. Were the other scars put there by him as well?

               Kellin’s fingers ghosted up the lumpy insides of the arms until he came to a large scar on the outside of Oli’s bicep, half hidden by the seam of the shirt. What had caused this? He rubbed his fingers over it and looked to the other boy in askance. Oli’s gaze was faraway along his wrists, and he did not look Kellin in the eye when he answered.

               “That’s from injecting myself too many times in the same place. I got a bad infection there and the doctors almost took my arm.”

               Sensing that he was finally ready to talk, Kellin sat down on the bed next to him, legs flush against one another and entwining his arm with Oli’s, gripping the cool, limp hand in his own warm and aching one.

               “What was it?”

               “Ketamine. My dad had this gang that would make the liquid stuff into powder, but I used to nick the liquid shit ‘cause I hated snorting it. I still remember the night he found out it was me that was nicking his vials. He was so pissed. Not because his son was getting high as often as I could, but because he wasn’t making a profit off it. He beat me so hard that night with this wire cable he had been working on that I couldn’t lay on my back for weeks. Thank God Juju was able to use the lines to make a sick tattoo, just like every other scar he gave me.” Oli paused and swallowed thickly, and Kellin added another hand to hold the one already in his grasp.

               “I think he thought he was making me tough and obedient, beating me whenever he liked as soon as mum and Tom left for here. But he was just making me hate him, and hate myself because I couldn’t stand up to him. I believed all the shitty words he hurled at me and I was desperate for an escape. Juju, the guy who helped with shipments was a horitoku. He tried to help me, but I couldn’t help myself. So, he put all the tattoos on me to cover the shame of all my scars.

“I saw how painless the junkies were, so I used. It was the only way I could escape the hell of my life. I was a mess and I got to a point where I just couldn’t function without it.

               “When I got the arm infection I figured my dad would just let me die, rather than taking me to the hospital and be exposed. I knew I was dying so I stole the tax records out of his shitty little office, the only paper copies he had, got to the police station and handed them over, and just collapsed. Right there. I remember waking up in the hospital. I remember being so mad and disappointed that I wasn’t going to die, and I tried to hang myself with my own IV line. When I woke up again, I was in a rehab facility. Growing Oaks or some soothing shit like that. My mum and Tom had flown over to see me, and it took days for her to not cry every time she looked at me. Tom didn’t know what to do with me. I wasn’t his older brother anymore. I was some poor creature to be pitied and treated with kid gloves. I was completely broken.

               “I was there for two months. They declared me clean and rehabbed in July and mum brought me here, got me a therapist and put me on about seven different meds to keep my brain balanced. Keeps them in her little locked cabinet and sets them out for me every morning so I can’t overdose. But that itch is still there. Every time they look at me like they’re so tired of dealing with all my shit, every time I say the wrong things, do the wrong things. They’re so kind to me, but they’re always on eggshells, and I’m so useless. I deserve their anger when I screw shit up, but they never are. This is the only way I could figure out how to scratch that itch,” Oli croaked, turning his wrists a little. He took several breaths, but Kellin could tell he was not done, and as much as he wanted to cover his ears, to not hear anymore because he was sure that his heart was going to start bleeding, he remained steadfastly at Oli’s side.

               “And then I started school and there was you. And I couldn’t imagine why the fuck you would ever even want to be saddled with me, but you’re the first person who doesn’t make me feel like a burden, and like I might want to stick around. I tried to quit this, knew you’d be so disappointed, and I made it a few days, but then…I said something or did something stupid and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t…”

               Oli bent forward and his body shook with sobs and Kellin moved to hold him, wrapping his arms around the other boy and pulling him to his shoulder. He felt arms wrap around him and hands fist into his shirt. Absently he rubbed the other’s thin back, body warm through the damp shirt. Kellin leaned his head against Oli’s and crooned in his ear, “You’ve been through so much and I’m so, so proud of you. So proud.”

               Slowly the sobs ceased and Oli let go and sat up, unable to meet the other’s eyes. Kellin once again redirected his gaze, running a thumb across the gash and bruise that was still leaking a few drops of blood. Leaning in he kissed him again, and this time Oli kissed back. Kellin felt his heart soar.

               “I mean it,” Kellin breathed onto the other’s lips. “I am so proud of you. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. I don’t think I could have gone through half of that and made it out half as well as you did.”

               “I’m not well though,” Oli countered.

               “I know. But I promise I’m going to help. And that starts with getting you the rest of the way out of these clothes and into something warm, and hopefully my mom will-“

               The sound of the garage door opening and shutting cut him off, and he grabbed the sweat pants and t-shirt and set them in Oli’s lap. “I’m going to have my mom check you over and see if this needs stitches.”

               “But-“

               “She’s a nurse and she’s not going to say anything to anyone. I’ll talk to her. I’m going to be with you the whole time.” Standing, he brushed the damp locks from Oli’s forehead and kissed it tenderly. “I’ll be right back.”

               Grabbing the sweat pants, he cast one last glance to Oli before exiting and shutting the door softly behind him. He shed his wet jeans and threw the dry pair on as he came down the hall.

               “I thought you were going to catch a ride from Vic,” his mother said as soon as she saw Kellin’s still damp hair. “Tell me you didn’t walk home. It’s pouring out there and- oh my God Kellin! What did you do to your hands?”

               Kellin took as deep breath and looked at his hands. Yeah those knuckles were definitely going to bruise. “I got in a fight,” he said quietly.

               “Kellin Quinn!” his mother exclaimed, nearly dropping her coat on the floor, her expression somewhere between furious and taken aback. “In all the years-“

               “They were beating on Oli. They jumped him while he was walking home alone, and Vic and Rachel and I were driving by and I saw them and…it’s all my fault.”

               “Woah, woah, woah,” his mother put her hands up to slow her son. “Who is they?”

               “Derek and his little gang. He called Vic a gringo at lunch and I mouthed off at them. Derek acted like he was thinking about beating me, but Oli was there and intimidated the living bejeezus out of him. I didn’t think much of it, cause Derek’s such a pussy. But then we were driving home and I saw Derek’s truck, and they were in the woods, holding him and beating him and I just…I couldn’t stop myself. I was so mad. They hit Oli with a rock in the head and I just…”

               “Where are the other boys now?”

               “Rachel chased them off while I was trying to get Oli back on his feet. She’s going to tell her parents what happened. Vic went with her.”

               “Where’s Oli? Did you take him to the hospital?”

               Kellin shook his head. “He refused to go, and I made him promise that he would at least let you look at him, and if you said he needed to go, that he’d go.”

               “Honey, he could have a concussion,” his mother remanded. “What does he have against hospitals?”

               “He doesn’t want his mom and brother to freak out. They already worry about him enough, and he didn’t want a doctor seeing…everything…”

               “Everything?” his mother asked unsurely, brow furrowed and trying to read her son.

               Kellin paused and took another deep breath. “Oli has patient confidentiality and stuff with you, right?”

               “Absolutely,” his mother answered quickly.

               “So you can’t tell anyone, right?”

               “Right.”

               “I know I told you Oli lived with his dad in England before he came here, but his dad was this sort of abusive drug lord, and he hurt him really bad mom. Oli almost died a few times, and he deals with a lot of…urges…because of it.”

               His mother lowered her voice to a bare whisper. “Urges like suicidal urges or drug urges?”

               “He was in rehab for a couple months before he came here, so he doesn’t get the drug urges anymore, and I don’t know if they’re suicidal urges, but they’re self-harm urges. The insides of his wrists are all cut up, and he doesn’t trust anyone to see that, so I need you to not freak him out or make him feel super uncomfortable or he’ll never trust me again. So, when you’re looking him over, just…I don’t know…be gentle.”

               “When did you learn all this Kellin?” his mother frowned.

               “He only told me now because I made him get out of his wet clothes before he gave himself hypothermia.”

               Setting her hands on her hips, closing her eyes and tilting her head back to gather herself with a deep breath she asked, “Are there any more bombs you want to drop on me this afternoon after getting off a twelve hour shift?”

               Kellin thought for a moment and said, “I kissed him.” Her head snapped up and eyes widened at him.

               “And?”

               “He kissed me back.”

               Oli was exactly where Kellin had left him, perched on the edge of his bed, but now in Kellin’s clean, dry clothes. Kellin was not big by any means, but he was more filled out than Oli, making the latter seem smaller than he was in clothes that were just a size too big for him. Dread filtered through the hazel eyes as his mother followed behind him with their first aid kit.

               “Kellin told me what happened hun,” she said softly as Kellin sat next to him and took his cool hand.

               “It was a fair fight ‘till they all joined in,” Oli answered. “Sorry to make more trouble for you.”

               “Not at all,” she soothed. “I’m a nurse and this is what we do. Poor thing,” she muttered, reaching up and inspecting the gash above Oli’s right brow. “This where they got you with the rock?”

               “Yeah.”

               “Any headache, nausea, blurred vision…?” Her fingers opened the bow and she began to pull things out.

               “Yes, no and no,” Oli answered.

               “Well I don’t think you have a concussion. He must have grazed you just right. Close your eyes for a second dear. This is going to sting.”

               Holding a face cloth underneath the cut she doused the abrasion in hydrogen peroxide, and Oli squeezed Kellin’s hand harder, but did not make a sound. Wiping away the excess she then closed it with three butterfly bandages.

               “Did you cut your mouth dear?” she asked, moving on to the blood on his chin and neck, and wiping in away.

               “Bit my tongue pretty hard,” he answered.

               “Kellin said they kicked you. Where?”

               Without saying a word, Oli freed his hand from Kellin’s and lifted the hem of the grey shirt to reveal and eagle and roses, as well as parts of a wolf and traces of a word that Kellin couldn’t read as it dipped below the waist of the pants. He felt his face become warm.

               His mother, on the other hand, zeroed in on the bruises blossoming just below the wolf and pressed her hand to them. “Does this hurt?”

               “It’s tender, but not sharp or pressurized like internal bleeding,” Oli reassured. It was sad that he knew the difference between those feelings.

               “Alright. I don’t think anything is broken, so you shouldn’t need to go to the hospital, but if anything changes have your mom or Kellin get you right there.”

               “I’ll do that,” he promised eagerly.

               “One more thing though,” she added and took his hands to expose his wrists. Oli immediately looked uncomfortable and Kellin fought the urge to shoo his mother away. “Kellin didn’t tell me everything, but it sounds like you’ve been working hard through some very difficult things,” she began slowly. Oli looked like he wanted to crawl under a rock and never come out, so Kellin snaked an arm around his thin waist and pressed close to him. “If you’re making progress, you shouldn’t feel the need to do this, and the fact that you do may mean that you need to try something different or have your medications adjusted a bit. Next time you see your therapist or doctor I want you to tell them, so that they can help you. Even if you want me or Kellin to go with you, we will. Until then, if you feel the need to do this, you text Kellin right away. He has my permission to stay with you when you’re feeling low, because I know he won’t abuse it.” She shot Kellin a warning look. “And if for some reason you can’t get a hold of Kellin, you can call me. You can imagine that these arms are Kellin’s, and I know you wouldn’t hurt him, right?”

               “Of course not-!”

               “Then protect my Kells by protecting yourself Oliver. We clear?”

               Oli bit his bottom lip and nodded.

               “Alright. Well I’m going to go call Vivian and see what we can do about Derek. It’s nice of Rachel to involve her parents but it should really be coming from all of us. I mean, I’m sure both you boys realize that if that rock had hit Oliver differently he could be in a hospital with a coma. You’re very lucky Oliver.”

               With the barest hint of a smile on the corner of his lips, Oli looked up to Kellin’s mother and intertwined a free hand with Kellin’s. “I know.”

 

               “Oh honey what happened to you?” his mother exclaimed as soon as she laid eyes on the butterflied cut. Feeling drained and exhausted Oli could only offer her a half smirk.

               “It’s not as bad as it looks,” he reassured her. “Kellin’s mom said she’d talk to you about it. S’alright if they come in to chat for a sec?” he asked and set his bookbag in the back hall with a wince.

               “Yes of course!” she exclaimed, quickly shuffling over and holding the front door open for Kellin and Ms. Quinn.

               “Hi, Mary,” Ms. Quinn introduced, holding a hand out to Oli’s mother.

               Oli’s mother took it and gave a smile, “Carol. Please come in. You must be Kellin?”

               The other boy nodded, “Yeah, that’s me. Nice to finally meet you.”

               “Pleasure is mine dear. You’re half of what Oli talks about when we can get him to talk at the dinner table. Can I get you both some tea or coffee?”

               “Ah no thank-you,” Mary said. “I just got off a shift and when I get home I plan on going to sleep after a few phone calls to some people and the school.”

               “Yes, what happened?” Carol asked, leading them to the small kitchen table to sit. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tom look in from the living room with a curious expression.

               “Kellin’s ex-boyfriend has been trying to get back at him since they broke up this summer,” Mary started. “Kellin, and his friends, including Oli, have been witness to it and have done their best to ignore it. Well there was an incident earlier in lunch and…what did Derek call Vic, Kells?”

               “Called him a gringo. So, I had a few choice names for him as well, and he might of kicked my butt then, but Oli was there, and for some reason he’s terrified of him,” Kellin explained and Oli didn’t know how he kept a straight face. Seriously, they both knew why Oli made Derek nervous. “Vic and Oli were more worried about him coming after me in retaliation, but he and his gang jumped Oli while he was walking home this afternoon. Vic and his girlfriend were dropping me off and I saw it and well…yeah there was a fight in the woods on the side of the road.”

               “Oliver, they just hopped out of their car and attacked you?” she asked incredulously.

               Oliver wrapped his arms around himself in comfort, glad that Kellin had let him borrow one of his hoodies. It was warm, soft on the inside, and smelled exactly like him. “Sort of. Derek hopped out first, said some things about Kellin, and I gave it right back to him, but when I tried to walk away he threw the first punch. And I would have been alright, ‘cept when his little group of tossers joined in, everything got cocked-up, and I couldn’t fight back against all of them. Next thing I knew I heard Kellin yelling my name and he jumped right in and saved me mum. Rachel and Vic helped too. Ms. Quinn checked me over and said I don’t have to go to the hospital or nuthin’. Just some cuts and bruises,” he tried to reassure her, feeling like a failure as he watched her eyes become watery again.

               “Thank-you so much Kellin for looking out for Oli. You’re a good friend. And thank you Mary for cleaning him up. Oli knows I would make a terrible nurse, I’m so bad with blood.”

               Feeling like the two adults would start talking past them soon, Oli said, “Mum, I’m going to go take care of my wet clothes ok?”

               “Sure dear. I’ll have dinner ready in a little bit,” she said with a pitying smile that Oli sort of hated.

               “I’ll grab our bags,” Kellin offered to his surprise.

               Oli grabbed his soaking wet clothes that had been stuffed in a plastic shopping bag and Kellin followed him back to his bedroom. It was much cleaner than Kellin’s. He had never been particularly clean in England, but while in rehab he had gotten used to the routine of making his bed every day and keeping the room tidy. There were a couple band posters and a stack of sci-fi novels on the nightstand that really made it his own, along with a couple design books and a soccer ball on the desk. Pulling out a soft long sleeve shirt and a pair of sweat pants from the drawer, he watched Kellin look around, taking everything in.

               “You play?” he asked, reaching out and touching the black and white ball.

               “Oh, yeah. Haven’t in a bit, but I used to play on the streets in Sheffield,” Oli answered.

               “Don’t tell Vic.”

               “Why?”

               “Vic is obsessed with it so he’ll steal you and then I’ll not only have to find a new best friend, but a new boyfriend too,” he chuckled, his eyes dancing as he looked over to Oli.

               “Is that what we are now?”

               “Do you not want to be?” Kellin’s eyebrows shot up his brow.

               “No, I mean yes…yes I very much want to be that with you. I just didn’t know if you…”

               Kellin’s grin returned. “I want that so bad you have no idea.”

               “I apparently didn’t. ‘Spose I do now,” he said, giving Kellin a soft smile. How did he even deserve such a beautiful boy as the one in front of him? “I should get changed so you can have your clothes.”

               “Stripping for me already? I am a lucky guy,” Kellin beamed, dropping into the swivel chair at the desk and looking at Oliver patiently.

               “Turn around,” Oli reproached.

               “You’re no fun,” Kellin huffed and spun the chair, occupying himself with the design books.

               Oli turned around just in case and shed down to his boxers. He had the sweatpants on and was just getting his arms through the shirt when he heard a soft, “Woah…”

               Looking over his shoulder he saw Kellin watching him in amazement, and knew which tattoo he was looking at. The other boy immediately rose seeing Oli’s glance and reached out a tentative hand. “Is it ok if I touch it?”

               Oli had to think about it for moment. He loved it when Kellin touched him and held his hand, but did he really want him to touch the scars? “Alright,” he murmured and tried to relax his shoulders. If Kellin hadn’t run when Oli had told him that he was a recovered drug addict and regularly cut himself, he doubted a few scars would make too much of a difference, even if the little voice in the back of his mind said that it might.

               Fingers ghosted over the lines he knew so well. “That Juju guy is a genius to do this on you.”

               “A horitoko is a master tattoo artist in Japan. He did tattoos for a lot of the guys who worked for my dad. All his work is bloody brilliant.”

               “No I mean…” Kellin paused, trying to find the right words, and Oli nearly shivered as his fingers continued to trace the nine scars that he knew were there. “He took something ugly that that bastard did to you and turned it into something amazing and beautiful, and that entire concept just sort of suits you.”

               The words burned through Oli’s chest and he swallowed thickly before finishing slipping the shirt over his head and turning to Kellin. “Sounds like you’re wet.”

                 “What?” Kellin tilted his head, brow furrowing to create the adorably confused look that always made Oli’s stomach feel like there was a bird in there trying to lift him up and escape.

               “Wet. It’s a Blighty saying I think. It means soppy, or gushy.”

               Kellin’s face lit up and he chuckled. “Dude, do not say that one in public because it means something totally different here.” He closed the distance between them.

               “Is it bad?” Oli asked, taking in Kellin’s teasing face.

               “A dude being wet means he’s pre-cumming. Which I’m not saying I’m not but..” Kellin tried to explain but his face split at the end and he was laughing aloud. Oli could not help but join him.

               “I just want to hit the eject button on this conversation,” he laughed.

               “Too late, it’s sempiternal now.”

               “Now you’re the one with the wonky terms,” he muttered. How were this boy’s eyes so blue?

               “It means eternal and unchanging,” Kellin supplied and closed the rest of the space between them, taking Oli’s hands and leaning in to kiss him. Oli had never considered himself to be a particularly good or experienced kisser, but if he was any judge, Kellin blew any and every experience he’d ever had out of the water. Those talented lips moved sweetly against his own until a tongue sweeps across his bottom lip and he was forced to open his mouth and that same tongue dove in, and oh God he’s never felt anything like this-

               “Kellin! You ready to go dear?!” A voice called from the kitchen and the two boys jumped apart. Kellin’s sexy smirk appeared and it took everything in Oli not to giggle stupidly in the euphoria they had just experienced. “Kellin?”

               “Coming mom!” Kellin called back, and then lowered his voice. “Text you tonight?”

               Oli nodded, hands reluctantly untangling from where they had been fisted in Kellin’s shirt. Kellin grabbed them once more and gave Oli another quick but chaste kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow. ‘Cause y’know…”

               “I know what?” Had he missed something?

               “We have chemistry,” Kellin winked and Oli rolled his eyes.

               “Alright. Off you go you sop,” Oli said, unable to keep the pure affection out of his voice even as he shoved Kellin out the door.

 

 

               A few minutes after Kellin and his mother left Oli realized that while his now boyfriend had taken most of the clothes Oli had borrowed, he’d left his black hoodie on the bed. Eagerly Oli slipped it back on, breathing Kellin’s scent. It was comforting in ways he couldn’t describe. As exhausted as he felt from spilling his guts to Kellin earlier that afternoon, kissing had left him invigorated and flowing with energy, and he found himself wishing that the rain would let up and that it were enough so that he could go kick the ball around in the backyard with Tom for a while.

               “Oliver! Dinner is ready!” his own mother called. Tom was setting the table. “Mary and I agreed that we’re going to go into the school tomorrow to make sure those boys stay away from you,” she said, setting the plates of spaghetti and some Italian bread on the table. She had made sure to not add any sausage or ground beef to Oli’s.

               “It’s alright mum. I’ll just stick around Kellin or Vic. I think they’re a bit afraid of Kellin now anyway,” he answered.

               “Yeah I heard Kellin beat the snot out of Derek and Brandon,” Tom added, taking a huge bite of his dinner.

               “Where did you hear that?” his mother asked, concerned.

               “Brandon’s little brother’s friend Danny made a Facebook post about it. I guess he was there when Brandon got home and his face was all bruised and bloody. Kellin and Vic aren’t goody two-shoes but I’ve never heard of them getting in a fight. Kellin is secretly a beast though, apparently.”

               “I got Derek pretty good, but Kellin finished him when those other two blokes grabbed me. He was pretty…” Oli paused, trying not to swear, “…pretty angry.”

               “It’s weird to think of him as angry, ‘cause he’s usually always smiling and laughing with Vic when I see him,” Tom added thoughtfully.

               “Well we are still going to let the school know what happened so it doesn’t happen again,” his mother added finally.

               Since Tom had set the table, Kellin helped clean up after dinner. “I thought you gave Kellin his clothes back,” his mother stated in a voice that was just a little too light, but with his headache, Oli had to work to connect the dots.

               “He left his hoodie with me. He knows I like them, and my one is still wet,” he replied, rinsing a plate and putting it into the dishwasher.

               She was quiet for a moment, but Oli could feel the tension and questions there. Finally she tried again, “That was brave of him to jump in and save you, but I can’t help but think this wouldn’t have happened if Kellin had-“

               “Mum-“ Oli cut her off. He wasn’t going to let her place any blame on Kellin. “It’s not Kellin’s fault that Derek is a completely controlling wanker. He’s been trying to make Kellin’s life miserable since they broke up, and yeah Kellin can defend himself, but I’m not going to let Derek bully him either. It’s not Kellin’s fault. Just focus on the fact that he saved me mum. He’s saved me a lot this year,” he muttered toward the end.

               “I’m not saying he’s not a good kid Oli,” she retorted, arms in akimbo. “I just worry about you…and your health. I don’t want you to get hurt, or you to be involved in things you’re not ready for.”

               “Like relationships?” Oli stopped rinsing and turned around to her, feeling frustration rising in his chest.

               “I just don’t want him pressuring you-“

               “He didn’t pressure me mum,” Oli cut her off with finality.

               It took her a moment before the realization dawned on her. “You mean you’re-“

               “Yeah. Kellin is my boyfriend, and I wish I could explain to you how much it helps to have him in my life. I know you don’t like to talk about everything that’s happened to me, but you and Tom treat me like glass sometimes. Like I need all these special arrangements. But Kellin doesn’t. He just rolls with it and it’s honestly one of the best things for me.”

               The sad pitying look was back, and his mother took a deep sigh. He knew the frustration wasn’t from knowing Oli was dating a boy; she had known he was Bi since he’d told her when he turned thirteen. The sigh had come from the idea that she didn’t think he was ready for something like a relationship. She wanted to bubble wrap him. “Alright. But I want you to be careful. Don’t let him make you do anything you’re not ready for.” The statement was loaded with all sorts of insinuations, but Oli let it go, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

               “He won’t mum. Kellin’s not like that anyway,” he answered, turning and finishing the dishes before stalking back to his room, and leaving her in the kitchen. Anger festered in his chest as he plopped down onto his bed and curled up. How could she judge him before she even knew him? Kellin was the sweetest person Oli had ever met, and he knew there was no way the other boy would ever hurt him.

               Just thinking of him, his laugh, his smile, the soft feel of his fingers soothed him. His arms itched with frustration, but instead he reached up to his phone on his nightstand and looked at the picture on his screen, the dandelions bright against ebony hair that looked so soft and touchable, blue eyes smiling back at him. It was then he saw there were two messages and he clicked on them.

Quinntessential: Hey

Quinntessential: Two minutes down the road and I already miss you. <3

               Oli felt a thrill run up him, as well as a shiver of fear. He already cared for Kellin so much, and the commitment made him terrified, but he couldn’t stop it. Kellin was his port in the storm.

Syked: You really are wet. How long had you been waiting to use that Chemistry bit, btw?

Quinntessential: Oh plz you know you love it. And OMG I had been waiting forever!!.!

               Oli chuckled at Kellin’s apparent enthusiasm.

Quinntessential:  I’m going to say it every day in Chemistry too.

Syked: I will set the lab bench on fire and then blame it on you. Tom thought you were so brilliant for kicking Brandon and Derek’s asses fyi.

Quinntessential: You wouldn’t!!! And yeah just cause I can sing in the same octaves as the girls doesn’t mean I can’t fight with the guys. I got the vibe that your mom wasn’t impressed though.

Syked: She definitely was not. We had a row about it after dinner.

Quinntessential: Row? As in fight?

               Oli frowned at the screen. He didn’t want to burden Kellin with the knowledge that he wasn’t his mother’s favorite person, but it was probably better to be honest.

Syked: Yeah…she thinks you’re some sort of bad influence or something. I set her to rights.

Quinntessential: How am I a bad influence? :’(

Syked: You’re not. I told her that you were probably the best thing that ever happened to me, and then I told her that she couldn’t keep me in a bubble forever and that you’re the only person I know who doesn’t treat me like I’m either some freak or I’m going to break at any second and how much that means to me <3

Quinntessential: <3 <3 <3

Quinntessential: Now who’s wet?

               Back and forth they texted as Oli finally sat up and did his homework. It was comforting, knowing Kellin knew everything. Hiding all the shitty parts of himself had been so exhausting, but he hadn’t realized it until he stopped fighting the other boy and let him in. As he lay in bed that night after saying one last good night to Kellin he held the phone to his chest. The entire day had been a shitshow, but somehow he had ended up with this incredible boy at the end of it. His head hurt, his side hurt, and his arms itched but his heart was glowing. He hadn’t felt this way, ever, and while he was terrified to screw it up, the warmth of Kellin’s affections far outweighed it. Maybe Kellin was right, and having someone to help share his load was helpful. Maybe he wouldn’t drown. Maybe he could live.

 

 

               “Let me write these passes for you, and you can head back to class,” Mrs. Moyer said, from across her desk. “If you have any more problems with them just come right to me,” she sighed. “Boy that looks nasty,” she added, handing a pass to Oli.

               He shrugged back at the principal. “S’alright. I’ve had worse.”

               “I don’t think I want to know,” she sighed again, and then handed a pass to Vic, Rachel, and Kellin as well. Leaving the little office they passed by Derek, Brandon and the rest of their group waiting to go in. Both Brandon’s and Derek’s faces were a mess still, lumpy and bruised, and Oli tried to mask the smirk that wanted to bloom on his face. It came out in full when Kellin took a quick step toward  Derek and he twitched something awful. Vic had to cover his mouth in laughter.

               The long-haired boy let it out in the hall once they were out of earshot of the principal. “Oh my God did you see him flinch?! That was the best!”

               Kellin grinned as well. “Yeah I don’t think they’re going to give us any more problems.”

               “I thought Derek was going to piss himself,” Rachel added, then she looked sidelong at Oli as they headed toward the science wing. “Isn’t that Kellin’s hoodie?’

               Feeling his cheeks heat up, Oli muttered, “Maybe.”

               Kellin gave an overdramatic sigh and announced, “We’ve only been dating for so many hours and he’s already stealing my wardrobe!”

               “Oh my God you two FINALLY got together?!” Rachel nearly screeched excitedly. She jumped and hugged Kellin and hugged Oli as well, though much gentler. “I am so happy for you two! Vic and I have been trying for ages to get you to realize you two are perfect for each other! We even made up the bit about the bees so you two could have more alone time at the orchard-“

               “You did that on purpose?!” Kellin exclaimed.

               “Well someone had to do something because you two are oblivious,” Vic rolled his eyes.

               “But…but…”

               “See you at lunch,” Rachel laughed and disappeared into the physics room.

               They were only a few minutes late to Chemistry, so their experiment hadn’t started yet. This one had to do with acid reactions, so Oli was careful to keep the acetic acid, no matter how dilute it was, out of Kellin’s accident prone hands. In no time they managed to buffer it and turn it in. In their notebook Kellin was doodling hearts and humming quietly as Oli returned from showing Miss Geck the completed buffer for full points.

               “You’re drawing over our work,” Oli said. “We need to hand that journal in eventually.”

               “It’s alright. It makes sense to do it anyway.”

               “And why would- oh no don’t say it!”

               “We have Chemistry!” Kellin ginned and Oli moaned, hiding his face in his hands.

               “Ugh sod off…”

               “You know you love me,” Kellin laughed, bumping his knee against Oli’s, sending a thrill up the latter’s spine.

               “At this point regrettably so,” the other teased and stuck his tongue out.

 

               True to his word Oli talked to his psychiatrist later that week, who agreed to adjusting some of his medications to help with the urge of cutting, and gave his mother the new regimen before he left. Dr. Orsbeck was a decent therapist, and as far as psychiatrists went, Oli didn’t mind her, and found her much better than most of the ones he’d had to deal with in rehab. She at least didn’t ask him how he was feeling on a scale of one to ten, or how something specific made him feel in the sort of faux concern that he was used to. This doctor seemed genuinely encouraged that Oli had a boyfriend, and usually allowed most of their hour together to be dictated by him. It was hard to talk about himself sometimes, because it was hard to know what he was feeling, but it was easy to talk about Kellin. It was easy to mention how bright his smile was, how blue his eyes were, and how he made Oli feel safe, accepted, and cherished, things he couldn’t get from his own family.

               Oli met the following Monday with some excitement. It was Halloween, and Vic had picked him up early despite the lack of Jazz band practice so that they could put their costumes together. Kellin was Paul Stanley of course, while Vic was Gene Simmons, Oli was Ace Frehley, and Rachel was Peter Criss. They had stiff competition from a group doing Mario kart, and another doing Pacman with all the ghosts, but thanks to Rachel’s skills with makeup and Kellin’s attention to detail when it came to their outfits, they managed to come out on top. That night they had also insisted on taking Oli trick-or-treating, no matter how much he said no, and much to his own chagrin he had fun.

               The real highlight of the week had been later, however. Feeling the crunch of getting song right, they had decided to take lunches in the Chorus room with Mr. Hake’s approval, to work on it. Their first get together that week was less than desirable though.

               “I know you say you like my voice, but I feel like I’m messing everything up. I don’t even really know how to read music. You should have went with someone who knows-“

               “Nope. Stop right there,” Kellin commanded, holding his hand up to stop Oli.

               “What? It’s the tru-“

               “No it’s not. It’s your brain telling you that you’re no good because you’re not automatically a rock star. Oli I’ve been in Chorus and small ensemble since forever. No one is just born a great singer. It takes a bit of work. What people are born with, are nice voices that lend themselves to singing. You have that. I promise. Here, c’mere,” he said, patting the bench of the piano next to him.

               Reluctantly Oli rose from the hard plastic chair he’d been occupying and sat next to his boyfriend, feeling the warmth of the other through his usual plaid shirt. “Ok, so we’ll start with just a simple scale,” he said, taking Oli’s hand in his own, he moved it once finger at a time, up and down the scale, explaining each letter and how they corresponded to the staves. It took nearly half their lunch period, but at least felt like he had learned something at that point. “Ok, now we’re going to sing some intervals,” Kellin announced, allowing Oli to hear his sweet voice before Oli tried it as well. “Now let’s try this opening.”

               It was if he had been blind and trying to read the music before. Now he could follow the stepwise pattern of the opening, and sing it as Kellin played the notes.

               “See!? You were so good that time!” Kellin exclaimed, mirth dancing in his eyes that left Oli’s cheeks feeling warm.

               “You’re a good teacher,” he mumbled.

               “I might be, but you have a naturally good voice. You just need to trust yourself,” Kellin smiled, tilting his head and leaning in to kiss Oli. As soon as they had gotten together, kissing Kellin had quickly become Oli’s new favorite thing. Kellin’s soft lips and sweet noises made Oli feel in ways he never thought himself capable of.

               As they broke apart, Oli bucked up the courage to request softly, “Can just you sing it? Right now, for me?”

               Kellin smiled and kissed the tip of his nose and turned back to the piano. Oli had heard Kellin sing a few bars, heard him sing with all the other tenors, but very rarely solo like this. He had never really believed in a heaven or hell, but he was pretty sure Kellin was an angel, sent to the earth to simply share his voice in that moment. For the entire performance, Oli sat routed, taking in every breath, every nuance.

               “Sorry I was a little off on some of the notes,” Kellin apologized at the end, but when he saw Oli’s face his brow furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

               “You…you have the most amazing voice I’ve ever heard,” Oli murmured, still in a bit of shock.

               At this Kellin laughed. “Most people say I sound like a girl.”

               Oli shook his head. “No, you’re definitely a bloke, but like…the most beautiful bloke I’ve ever heard. Like an angel or something.”

               It was Kellin’s turn to blush as he shook his head and rolled his eyes, “Suck-up.”

               “Nah. I’m telling the truth,” Oli stated, before reaching and taking Kellin’s hand in his own and giving it a squeeze. They didn’t say anything for a moment, just soaking in each other’s adoration, until they were interrupted by the class bell.

 

               From that point forward, when Oli was having an off night, he called Kellin and asked him to sing. It was soothing, ethereal, and allowed him to fall asleep, sometimes with the other boy still humming on the other end. This led to Oli getting an extra long charging cord so he didn’t wake up with a dead battery in his phone.

               Kellin always surprised him with the songs he sang too. Sometimes it was as simple as ‘You are my sunshine,’ (which Oli would never admit was one of his favorites), but one evening he even sang a song about sirens and falling deeper asleep which the boy had greatly loved as well. He even sang stripped down versions of songs Oli loved, like Faint, Iris, and Nothing Else Matters. Oli’s urges to cut were decreasing as well, but like a pain he didn’t seem to notice until it was bad, he came to recognize the times when he felt empty and dissociated were increasing. In those moments it was as if a heavy blanket were laid upon him, and he couldn’t reach out. Sometimes he felt nothing during them, while other times he felt like dying. But since he didn’t feel the urge to cut, he thought, on the whole, that he was getting better, and hoped he would adjust to the new dissociations.  

               He really hadn’t realized they were becoming a problem until he’d ignored them just a little too long, and it became a perfect storm of shit.

              

 

               “How did you not get your flu shot?!” Kellin exclaimed through the phone. “I literally told you to get one when I got mine at the beginning of October!”

               “Don’t remind me…” came a weak voice followed by a round of coughing from the other side.

               “Dude we’ve had these tickets forever…” Kellin whined. “My mom won’t let me go by myself.”

               “Take Oli,” Vic answered, his voice now sounding rougher than before.

               “I’ll have to see if he’ll be ok with the crowd. If he is, I’ll swing by and get your ticket,” sighed Kellin, resigning himself to the fact that his best friend was simply too sick to come. He wanted to be angry. He really did. But that wasn’t going to get them anywhere. “Feel better man.”

               “Thanks,” came the groan and then a click.

               Kellin took a deep breath, staring at his phone a second, the picture of Oli in the crown of dandelions smiling back at him, and pulled up his contacts.

               It rang twice before he heard a quick, “Hey love.”

               “Hey. So, I have a problem that you may or may not be able to help with depending on how you’re feeling, and if you are uncomfortable with it, I will completely understand and you are allowed to say no, okay?”

               “Um ok? What is it?”

               “As you know I was going to go see Linkin Park tonight with Vic, but he caught Rachel’s flu, and I know you like them but I didn’t know with the crowds-“

               “FUCK YES!”

               Butterflies exploded in his chest at his boyfriend’s enthusiasm. “You’ll be ok with all those people?”

               “I got you with me, right? Just don’t go mosh or anything by yourself and I should be good! So brilliant! Ah, I gotta figure out what to bloody wear…”

               Kellin chuckled, hearing the other boy root around in his clothes. “My mom is letting me borrow her car, and we have to have it back by midnight so she can get to her shift at the hospital. I’ll pick you up in an hour ok?”

               “Yes. I can’t believe this is happening but yes!”

 

               The weather had become bitter in the last few days, and the first light bands of lake-effect snow blew in, Kellin driving in and out of them down the highway. He loved watching Oli’s eyes light up at the flurries, and reminded himself that the other boy hadn’t seen much snow if any before.

               “I’ll have to think of something to thank Vic,” he said over the music crackling out of the speakers. “I’m sure he’s rather down about the entire thing.”

               “We’ll get him a t-shirt or something,” Kellin agreed. “To be fair, I did warn him to get his flu shot when I got mine, so yeah I feel really bad but I also want to say ‘I told you so.’ Usually he gets sick for his birthday, but of all years he’s early, it’s the one we planned to see Linkin Park.”

               “When’s that?” Oli asked, finally drawing his eyes away from the swirling snow.

               “February tenth. It’s like clockwork too. We plan something for his birthday and then he gets a nasty cold or the flu or something.”

               “When’s your birthday?”

               “It’s not till April 24th. Sometimes it’s on Easter which sucks, but what can you do? When is yours?”

               “This Wednesday.”

               “What?! That’s the day before Thanksgiving! You didn’t tell me your birthday was so close! I’m not ready!”

               Oli gave a short laugh. “Don’t worry about it. I haven’t celebrated it in forever.”

               “How do you not celebrate your own birthday? That’s important you know…” Kellin gaffed.

               “It’s just another day in the week to me,” Oli replied slowly.

               “Not to me it’s not,” Kellin pouted. “It’s the day you came into the world, and it will always be important to me. This year you are definitely celebrating. I mean, your mom and Tom will at least make a cake or something right?”

               Oli frowned and sank into his seat a bit. “She’s leaving early that morning to go to England to finish up some paper work to keep me here. I think she got some bad news last week, but she won’t tell me what it is. She just keeps telling me not to worry about it, and since she has Thanksgiving off, she needs to go then. She promised she’d bring me back some Jaffa cakes and Hobnobs, so at least there’s that.”

               Kellin reached across the center of the car and took one of Oli’s cold hands in his own and laced their fingers. “It will be ok. There’s no way they can make you go back to England or anything. Besides, that just means that I’ll have to be the one to make your cake and stuff.”

               “You know how to bake a cake?”

               “No, but Duncan Hines does,” Kellin grinned, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Oli give him a smile as well.

 

               Having thousands of people around seemed to negate the bitter chill that had settled into the city, Kellin found as they approached the stadium. He had taken Oli’s hand half a block back, but as they shower their tickets and walked in, people crushed around them, voices rising and rising to create at even larger din. As they made their way to the field level he kept glancing back over to his boyfriend to make sure he was alright until Oli snapped, “For fucks sake, I’m alright, and I’ll let you know if I’m not!” but added a smile at the end to let Kellin know he wasn’t truly mad. “I just want you to enjoy this as much as I know I’m gonna,” he added, though Kellin heard the implied ‘I don’t want me holding you back tonight.’

               He returned the smile and they both approached the stage. The opening acts were great, and soon enough Kellin relaxed, and only shared mutual looks of excitement and ecstasy with Oli as the night progressed. Oli stuck close, but seemed to absorb the music like a power cord, and by the time Linkin Park took the stage he was all but vibrating with pure energy.

               There was nothing like a rock concert from a band one truly loved though. The beats vibrating his sternum, push and pull of bodies toward the stage in a great tidal wave, it was like no other. Each being collectively felt the adoration and frenzy for the magical people creating music on the stage, music that spoke to each person in the audience. It was the perfect two hours.

               After a second encore the lights came up, and the crush of people headed for the doors enclosed them, but it was worse than when they had arrived. Not everyone arrived at the same time, so there was more volume in the people leaving, and it was like being swept down a river. In the blink of an eye he had lost track of Oliver, and his heart jumped into his throat.

               ‘Don’t panic…don’t panic…’ he told himself, stopping and going on his tip toes to look for his favorite cocoa locks. Oli wasn’t exactly short, but over the massive amount of people, Kellin could not find him. His palms were sweating and his heart hammered as he tried to move against the crowd. He needed to find Oli. He suspected that the music had been grounding for Oli, but he didn’t know how he would do in the throng of people pushing for the door. He had been worried the past couple weeks since Oli had been having moments when he seemed to zone out, or a dark, far away look reached his eyes. He had let Kellin check his arms now and again to see that he hadn’t hurt himself since he’d shared the burden with him, but he was beginning to wonder if something more dangerous was replacing it.

               While in reality it was perhaps only a few minutes, they were the longest in Kellin’s life until he made his way to the side of the arena. There, leaning against the boards separating the seats from the field was the familiar mop of brown hair. Oli was hunched over as if desperately trying to shut everything out, hands over his ears to cover the deafening roar of over a thousand people. As soon as he saw him, Kellin broke into a run, pushing through people until he reached his boyfriend. Immediately he knew this was worse than anything he’d had to experience in Chorus, as Oli’s breathing pattern was all wrong and his eyes held a closed-off look. His heart fell through his stomach.

               Gently he put his hands over Oli’s. They were hard, stiff, and digging into his scalp. Shit. “Ok baby, I’m here now. You’re alright. I’m here,” Kellin repeated. The other boy’s eyes were far away, but his eyes lids flickered slightly, Kellin thought. “Ok Oli, I’m going to get you out of here ok? We’ll get to the car and you’ll be ok.”

               With soft determination, Kellin pried Oli’s hands from his head, and immediately began having doubts about being able to manipulate through the crowd while dragging Oli with him. He looked about at people still pushing toward the doors and quickly came up with a plan. “Oli I’m going to have you hold on ok?”

               Without waiting for a response he knew would not come, Kellin turned and pulled his boyfriend’s arms around his neck, and crouching down, hooked his arms behind Oli’s knees to easily lift him onto his back. “Have you been skipping meals? I think you’re lighter than last time,” Kellin said as he felt Oli bury his face into the back of his neck. Through the doors, past the foyer and back out into the open night air Kellin carried Oliver, keeping up a steady stream of conversation as he did, knowing how much his voice comforted the other. By the time he got Oli into the car they became stuck in traffic that was leaving the parking lot. Reaching over he held Oli’s hand to ground him. It felt perhaps a bit looser?

               Kellin did his best not to speed too badly as he drove home, adrenalin slow to leave him. He talked the whole time. It was a gloriously bad conversation. He talked about everything: how he and Vic had met, some of the funny shit they had done, how much he cared for Oli, how great he was, how he was looking forward to college but wasn’t sure what to major in yet, but he was thinking nursing like his mom, or music, that he just wanted to go wherever Oli was going, how disappointed he was that they didn’t put toys in cereal boxes any more, how much he missed real cartoons as opposed to what was on TV nowadays, and of course how excited he was to show Oli what Thanksgiving was all about.

               Throughout his monologue Oli became more pliant, eventually holding Kellin’s hand back, but not speaking yet. Finally, as they headed up the main drag through their home town, Oli’s tentative voice broke through the other’s words.

               “Kellin?”

               Immediately Kellin stopped speaking and rubbed his thumb across the other’s knuckles. “Hey baby. You feeling any better?” In the street lamps that lit the little cul-de-sac Kellin could see Oli shake his head.

               “’m sorry…” the quiet voice mumbled.

               “Don’t worry about it. We’re almost home and you can rest,” Kellin answered, relieved beyond words that Oli was once again verbal. For a moment he thought he had broken him entirely, and the idea had just about killed him.

               The little ranch house had the porch light on and Ms. Sykes was still up waiting when they walked through the door. Immediately she knew something was wrong, when she saw Kellin with Oli’s arm wrapped around his shoulder, his own arm at the other’s thin hips.

               “Oliver, honey, what happened?” she immediately demanded with concern.

               “We got separated for about three minutes when everyone was getting to the door. We should probably get him straight to-“

               “I knew it! I knew I should not have let him go with you. I knew something like this would happen,” she ground out, her shoulders becoming square and stiff. Kellin knew her words were coming from concern, but they stung.

               “It was an accident, I didn’t mean-“

               “I know you didn’t mean for this, but you should have known better. Oli is still fragile and he’s still recovering from everything that’s happened to him, and he may never be able to function normally, or do normal things, and unless you respect that you’re not good enough to be with my son.”

               Kellin felt as though someone had thrown cold water down his neck. How could she say those things to him? In front of her own son? Oli was half present, looking back and forth from Kellin to his mother in a confused manner that made Kellin’s heart break. “He wants to be able to do normal stuff though! I think something is wrong with the new meds he’s on. This…this happened way too fast and if you let me talk to him-“

               “No. No more,” she said in a deadly quiet voice. “No more of you. You are not good for him. His family will handle this from now on. You may go now.”

               Kellin knew when he was being thrown out, and with tears in his eyes he squeezed Oli’s hand one more time and catching those gorgeous hazel eyes said softly, “Bye, Oli.” The lump grew in his throat and if he looked back as he left the little ranch house, his heart would have cracked fully in two.

 

               Oli’s world was a haze. So many voices, smells, touches running past him until he felt his brain pull back, protecting him. Kellin was suddenly there, but he couldn’t stop the noise. The haze. There were hands on his, and suddenly he was in the air and all he could smell was Kellin, could hear his voice above everything else. But he was lost. There was a veil separating them. He was dead inside, but knew with Kellin he was safe. The other voices died down until it was just Kellin, and Kellin’s voice. In the haze he moved forward and followed. It felt like he followed and followed until he vaguely realized that he was in the car, and he felt sick to his stomach. Had he ruined their night? His brain felt as though he were moving in slow motion, trying to break free of the quicksand that he was sinking into.

               Suddenly they were home, and all Oli wanted to do was lay with Kellin in his bed until he could form real thoughts. Kellin would do that with him, right? But then his mother was there and there were raised voices. Him. They were talking about him. How fragile he was. How broken he was. Did Kellin agree? The blue eyes looked into his and that beautiful voice bid him goodbye. And suddenly everything was black. The inside of his skin, his mind, and Oli didn’t just want to fade away. He wanted to disintegrate, return to the earth, be nothing more. He wanted to die.

               “Come on honey, let’s get you to bed,” his mother’s voice was with him and her hands guided him, but Oli couldn’t. Kellin had left. Kellin had left him. He had finally become too much for the other boy. No. No. He would never be whole again.

               “Oliver?”

               “Gonna be sick,” he breathed and tumbled to the bathroom she had been guiding him past. His entire body was shaking as he swallowed bile. He wanted to die, just wanted to disappear. Disappear, just like Kellin had. One moment he had been there, his rock, his guiding star, and now he was gone. Poof. He couldn’t keep going through this again and again. Couldn’t keep putting up with these feelings day after day. No. No. No. He crouched beside the toilet, wedging himself against the wall so he had something to hold him up, because he was falling apart. His breaths came in ragged draws and he could feel the screams trying to escape the back of his throat.

               “Oliver, honey, what’s going on?” she asked, clearly alarmed.

               Her panic rolled into his, compounding and making it worse. He made everything worse. A guttural cry escaped his mouth and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes.

               “Oliver!” his mother tried to call to him, grabbing his wrist but Oliver broke free as if it burned, curling into himself and drawing his knees up as a defense as best he could. He couldn’t stand it. He couldn’t stand himself. He clawed at his own arms through his hoodie, desperate to shed his own skin.

               “What’s going on?” a sleepy voice asked from the door. Tom.

               “I don’t know. He was at the concert and got lost for a few moments and was a bit out of it when he came home, but now he’s…I don’t know what’s happening,” his mother said quickly in a panic.

               “Where’s Kellin?” Tom asked quickly.

               “I sent him home! He’s the one that started all this-“

               “Did it ever occur to you that maybe Kellin was the one preventing this from happening?!”

               This seemed to quiet Ms. Sykes.

               “We need to call Kellin,” Tom stated.

               “Well it’s too late for that,” his mother said stubbornly. “I’ve already sent him home and I don’t know his number.”

               “So, you’re ok with Oli having a mental breakdown in our bathroom just because you don’t like his boyfriend?!” Tom challenged.

               Oli was working to draw breath when he felt his brother’s hand lightly touch his shoulder. “Oli, is your phone in your hoodie pocket?” he asked slowly. Words wouldn’t form properly, but Oli gave a jerking nod. “I’m going to reach and get it ok?” Another nod.

               Once Tom had the phone, he immediately pulled up the contacts and pressed on Kellin’s name.

 

 

               Kellin had just finished crying, laying on his bed. His phone, which was laying on his nightstand charging started playing Oli’s song, _Ooooo sweet child of mine…_

               “Hey baby, you feeling any better?” he immediately answered, swallowing so that his voice didn’t sound too messed up.

               “Kellin, this is Tom. I need you to come back. Like right now. Oli needs you. My mom and I can’t get him to calm down and…and it’s bad.” Even over the phone Kellin could hear the abrasive sobs in the background and he was immediately on his feet.

               “Shit. My mom took the car and my step dad is working third shift this week. Fuck it, you’re only half a mile away. Just hang tight. Tell him I’m on my way.”

               Without even bothering to put shoes on Kellin ran out of the house. The sidewalk was wet with melting snow, and it was freezing cold in just a tshirt and jeans, but Kellin didn’t even notice. Pumping his legs and arms as fast as he could he cut across lawns and through backyards, leapt fences and swung around gates as he pounded toward his house. All he could hear were those gut-wrenching sobs and the tension in Tom’s voice. What if he was too late? What if they couldn’t stop Oli from doing something stupid, from doing something permanent.

               ‘I shouldn’t have left him…I shouldn’t have left him…’ he repeated over and over in his head.

               He didn’t bother to knock or remove his soaking, dirty socks as he came back to the little ranch, instead bursting through the door and following the sound of cries until he came to the bathroom, sweating and out of breath. Ignoring Ms. Sykes and Tom he dropped in front of Oli and immediately enveloped him in his arms.

               “I’m here…I’m here…I’m not leaving…” he repeated.

               At first the other didn’t seem to notice, his body shaking so badly under Kellin’s touch that he thought Oli might unravel and fall apart. But as he repeated the mantra again and again, trembling hands suddenly fisted into his damp, sweat soaked shirt. The cries that reached his ears tore his soul apart, and he wondered how such volume and effort could be maintained for so long. Oli’s throat must have been raw.

               As Oli became more pliable and his sobs lowered a few decibels, Kellin rubbed gentle circles around his back and sang softly in his ear: _I’m not leaving, I’m not leaving, I’m staying here…I’m not leaving, I’m not leaving, til we make it there…_

               Oli seemed to relax further into his arms, his weeping eventually simply becoming hiccups and the occasional whimper. Not leaving the position he looked back to the family as best he could. “Who’s his psychiatrist?”

               “Dr. Orsbeck,” Ms. Sykes answered softly, all her venom from earlier gone.

               “Do you have her number?” he asked quietly.

               “Yes, but I don’t imagine her office will be open.”

               “She’ll have an emergency line,” Kellin stated. Silently he thanked his mother. Shortly after beginning to date Oli, his mother had sat him down and talked to him about PTSD and psychologic breaks, and what to do about them. Kellin had scoffed, thinking he would never need anything like that, since besides cutting and crowds, Oli had never seemed dually unstable to the point of needing immediate intervention. At least he seemed to be when his brain was balanced correctly. “What’s her number?”

               Tom didn’t answer, but held out his phone for Kellin, who took it gratefully. Oli shifted in his remaining arm at the loss of warmth, but Kellin rubbed his back soothingly, and repeated the mantra a few times before dialing the doctor. He had been right. The office was closed but the doctor had the direct line to a pager. Kellin left a message detailing everything, and within a few moments the doctor called his own cell phone.

               “Kellin Quinn?”

               “That’s me.” There was a soft, sleepy chuckle from the other side.

               “You’re three quarters of what Oli talks about in our sessions. What’s going on tonight?”

               Kellin went through everything, from the times in past weeks when Oli seemed to daze off or his eyes darkened, to the fiasco that this evening had become.

               “Alright. Sounds like he’s just not reacting well to the combination we were trying. I think with your help we might need a more conservative approach for Oliver, so let’s do the following…”

               Two Ativan and a whole list of instructions of how to wean Oli off all but three of his medications later, Kellin lay with Oli in bed, now changed into comfortable clothes. Exhaustion and the drugs had knocked him right out, but even in his sleep he pressed against Kellin, head buried in his chest and arm slung over the other’s waist. Kellin had watched Ms. Sykes haunt the doorway warily. She stood, looking like she wanted to say something for several minutes. The light from the hallway made her eyes look red-rimmed and he could tell she had been crying as well. Eventually though, she appeared to make up her mind that Kellin would remain with Oli for the rest of the short night, and retreated to her room, turning the hall light off and leaving the house quiet.

               Though nearly as exhausted as Oli, Kellin’s thoughts chased each other around his head. Guilt made its way front and center, as he continually remanded himself for leaving Oli and not sticking up for himself when Ms. Sykes had lit into him. He’d had a feeling something bad would happen if he left, and he had been proven right. Hurt also swirled around as well. He had never seen anyone have a mental breakdown, and honestly couldn’t imagine doing it ever again. Listening to Oli this evening had been the most terrible experience of his life. It hurt so much to hear a loved one be in that much pain and anguish, and he was sure that if he hadn’t come soon enough, Oli might have done something drastic.

               A deep weight settled in his chest that terrified him. Oli’s continued recovery was quickly becoming dependent on him, and while he was so proud of the progress his boyfriend had made in the past few months, the responsibility of his own role was an uncomfortable pressure. He couldn’t screw up, or screw around, because Oli’s mental state, and tonight, his very life, hung in the balance.

               He looked over at Oliver’s face as it moved to rest on his shoulder, slack in sleep and only containing traces of tear tracks. He loved that face. He loved that boy. But he was going to be more work than every other personal relationship to date, and while that might have scared some people away, Kellin steeled himself. Oli was a sweet and gentle soul. He deserved so much happiness after everything that had been done to him, and dammit if Kellin wasn’t going to be the one to help him every step of the way. He was in it for the long haul, and his heart rested comfortably with that notion. He loved Oli, and he was worth it.

              

               Kellin didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke he quickly realized that he was not in his own bed. Instead he was burrowed under the covers of a twin bed, wrapped around his boyfriend. Daylight illuminated the familiar room and Kellin guessed that it was perhaps late morning. Oli’s head was nestled under his chin, breath coming in sleepy puffs across his collar bone. The events of last night filtered back to him, and his grip on Oli tightened briefly. However, the need to piss made itself known as well, and Kellin did his best to slowly extricate himself from Oli before slipping across the halls to the scene of the meltdown. He was thirsty too and his clothes stank of sweat if he held them to his nose. He was going to have to text him mom to maybe drop him off a pair if Ms. Sykes let him stay.

               Checking to make sure Oli was still asleep he padded down the hall to the kitchen for some water, and was surprised to find Ms. Sykes at the kitchen table. Immediately awkward tension filled the air as she met his gaze.

               “Sorry I was just…glass of water,” Kellin said, clearing his throat. Her gaze softened, something sad creeping in.

               “I actually made you breakfast. I figured you might be hungry when you got up,” she said, standing from her chair and putting a plate of what looked like French toast into the microwave to warm up.

               “Thanks,” he answered, still unsure of what to say to her. Part of him was angry and upset that she had separated them last night, and another part of him felt sorry for her. He had just opened his mouth to ask how she was and maybe clear the air, when she beat him to it.

               “Look, Kellin,” she started, looking up at him and taking a deep breath. “I want to apologize to you for last night…and well, all the times before that too.”

               “Okay…it’s alright…” he said, slowly taking a seat at the table.

               “No, it’s really not,” she said, setting the plate and a glass of orange juice in front of him and sitting across. She looked at her lap and began, “When Oliver’s father and I separated, I had wanted to keep both boys, but Oliver had caught a bad cold, so he’d stayed behind, and Ian had insisted on keeping him, that Oliver would be happier staying in England. I had always known Ian wasn’t the best man, but I had no idea what he was capable of, though I know that’s no excuse. I thought Oliver’s infrequent calls and his sporadic behavior was just typical teen stuff. And then when the Scotland yard called me, told me what had happened I felt like some sort of blindfold had been lifted from my eyes and I saw everything so clearly. It was horrific.

               “He was such a mess when we got there too. I couldn’t look at him without crying, I was so angry at myself. I vowed then that I wouldn’t let anything hurt him ever again. I might not have been there in years earlier, but I would protect him from here on out. He never seemed happy when he came here, but I thought it was just the trauma, and I was just thankful he was not trying to kill himself again. But it was like living with a ghost. He would drift where we told him to, but he was just sort of existing. He wasn’t really living. I had mistaken it for progress, that he was normalizing, when in reality he was quietly miserable.

               “And then he met you, and he started smiling again, and I didn’t know who this child was. I was so used to his quiet submission at this point. But you made him feel again, happy, angry, indignant, and it scared me. I felt like I was letting him out too soon, and I was so afraid of him getting hurt again. I was keeping him in a bubble where he couldn’t hurt, but he also couldn’t be happy either. And then last night when I saw him, I thought that was the last straw, that he’d been hurt one too many times, and I was so rude to you, and for that I apologize. Oliver obviously lets you see things and parts of him that he may never trust me with, but as his mother I thought I knew better. But I didn’t, and I almost lost my son again last night. I know that. Thank goodness Tom woke up and shouted some sense in to me.

               “And you could have easily said no and been petty. I know how nasty I was. Thank God you didn’t. Thank God Oliver has you in his life. It hurt so much that he wouldn’t even let me touch him last night, but then you were there, and he let you in like no one else. For just a moment I was jealous, but then I realized that you were for him everything that I couldn’t be. He feels safe with you in a way that he never will with me, and you understand what he needs in a way I’m afraid I can’t.

               “So once again I’m sorry, and thank-you for caring for Oliver the way you do.”

               The French toast was rubbery, but Kellin ate most of it while he listened. He empathized for most of it, and hoped their relationship was less antagonistic from there on out.

               “I love Oli,” he stated, his eyes flicking up to meet hers. “I really do. And if it helps you, know that there really isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him. Also, my mom is a nurse. She’s handled psychiatric patients before, so she’s been really helpful too. She told me that the drugs they use for brain stuff sometimes have the opposite effect, and these past couple weeks, I started to suspect that might be the case. Last night confirmed it though. It’s how I knew to call Dr. Orsbeck. Like I always hold Oli’s hand when we go into Chorus cause it’s loud and a crappy environment for him, but even if he’s by himself, it takes at least 5 minutes of that environment for him to be really edgy. But last night I only lost him for three minutes, and he was non-verbal when I got to him. That shouldn’t have happened if the drugs he was on were working right for him.”

               “See? I didn’t even know that. I’ve just been trying to follow what his doctors have been telling me,” Ms. Sykes said, giving him a watery smile. “You’re very bright Kellin.”

               “Do me a favor and remind my mom once in awhile. She thinks I’m basically a stump sometimes,” he said with a chuckle.

               “Well, you’re smart enough to realize when something is off with Oliver. And I know it’s probably unfair of me to ask, but I have a favor, if you’re willing.”

               “I’m assuming this has to do with Oli?”

               “Yes,” she said slowly. “I have to go back to the UK for a few days to take care of a few things for Oliver, and so he will be alone with Tom. I was originally going to have Tom just stay with him, but I feel like that’s unfair to Tom, especially since he is only 16. So, I was hoping Oliver might be able to stay with you for thanksgiving and that weekend. I’m sure he’d be much happier, and I know I can trust you to look after him when he forgets to look after himself. I wasn’t sure if you travelled for the holiday, but I thought I might at least ask.” Her eyes looked hopeful.

               “Yeah, absolutely. I was planning to ask him over for his first thanksgiving anyway! We usually just have my grandparents over, so it will be good,” he paused a moment before asking, “It’s not anything bad is it? That you’re going back to the UK for?”

               Ms. Sykes to a deep breath and bit her lip. “You can’t tell Oliver.” Kellin didn’t respond, but she continued anyway. “His father has escaped prison. I need to go back and give them all the files of Oliver’s abuse, so they can move on his case faster, and make him a priority for Scotland yard.”

               Dread ran through Kellin’s veins. That was bad. “He can’t…he can’t make it to America, can he?”

               “That’s why I’m going. So, we can involve the FBI to keep Oliver safe. The yard suspects that he’ll be with his drug cartel, but I want to make sure he can’t get to Oliver.”

               Kellin nodded. The very thought made him want to go back and check on Oli. As he stood up, he said, “You should tell him. He doesn’t like being in the dark.” After a beat he added, “And thank you for breakfast.”

               He returned to find Oli still out cold in exactly the position he’d left him. In fact, the boy did not rouse until late in the afternoon. Kellin had showered and was sitting in the bed with him, working on his history assignment when he heard a soft groan, and the arm across his waist tightened. Stunning hazel eyes blinked open and for a moment Oli just breathed at Kellin’s side.

               “Hey baby,” Kellin said mildly, and ran a hand through the brown curls.

               “What time is it?” Oli asked, looking about as his arms pushed him up, and clearly trying to tell by looking around the room.

               “It’s about 4 PM. You slept for fourteen hours just about.”

               A frown settled on the tattooed boy’s lips, and Kellin could tell he was remembering what he could from the night before. “I ruined last night, di’n’t I?” he asked softly, speech slurred in his accent, which seemed to be heavier when he was tired.

               “No, you didn’t. Your brain chemicals made for a more exciting evening than even I had planned, but none of that was your fault. It was just a series of shitty circumstances right in a row. And for the record, being at the concert with you was one of the best two hours of my life. Definitely made my list of top five.” Kellin traced one of the arm tattoos absently.

               “What’s wrong with my brain chemicals?” Oli asked, as if still trying to wrap his head around the evening.

               Thus, Kellin told him about what he had noticed over the past few weeks, and how when they had gotten home he had tried to explain to Ms. Sykes, but she had sent him away, leading to Oli trying to isolate himself in the bathroom.

               “I remember feeling really bad ‘cause I knew you left me, but it feels so distant now. I didn’t realize my mum sent you home. I just thought you…I don’t know…got tired and left.”

               “I’d never leave you like that,” Kellin reassured. “I talked to your doctor though, and we’re going to try less drugs. She thinks with me around for some reason you’ll cope better with less.”

               Oli sighed and leaned his forehead onto Kellin’s shoulder. “I wish I wasn’t such a fuckin’ mess…”

               Kellin rubbed his back through the thin t-shirt in comfort. “We’ll figure it out. It’s just a minor set back. Besides, Vic will tell you I love a good challenge.”

               “How can you be so positive about this?” Oli nearly whined.

               “Because I’m relieved,” Kellin answered simply.

               “Relieved?”

               “I was scared last night…that I wouldn’t make it in time. And now you’re here and whole, and we have a plan to try something different that might help you…and yeah. I’m relieved.”

               Oli sighed and shifted even closer, now resting his chin on Kellin’s shoulder and pressing into him. “You do so much for me. I wish there was something I could do for you,” he lamented.

               “Well, there is one thing…”

               “Name it. I’d do anything for you at this point.”

               “Anything?”

               Oli blushed, but said, “Anything.”

               “Stay with me,” Kellin breathed softly against Oli’s lips before catching them in his own.

 

               Oli still seemed a bit pale to Kellin the next day, but at least he laughed when a now recovered Vic had his hair skillfully put into pigtails by the lab partner in Chemistry. He also told Vic and Rachel at lunch that Oli’s birthday was that Wednesday, much the ex-brit’s chagrin.

               “We could decorate your locker and we need to think of some presents…”

               “Please don’t do anything,” Oli sighed. “Really. I never celebrate it and I don’t really want to start now. There isn’t really anything I want anyway. And I hate surprises.”

               “Stick in the mud I see,” Rachel said teasingly.

               “My mom is still insisting on making you a cake just so you know,” Kellin frowned.

               “Your mum’s the only one allowed to get me anything then,” he replied, shaking the dressing into his salad.

               “Boyfriend, nah. Friends? Absolutely not. Boyfriend’s mom? Sure thing!” Vic harassed, causing Oli to roll his eyes.

               Kellin had been tempted to bring cupcakes for Oli’s birthday on Wednesday, but it turned out to be a good thing that he didn’t, as Oli was not there. Kellin knew something was wrong when Oli didn’t answer his texts that morning, but thinking he was just being grumpy about his birthday, he maintained his cool until his boyfriend failed to show up for Chemistry. Vic kept looking back at him, eye questioning where the tattooed boy was. Worst case scenarios ran through his head. What if coming off the meds was affecting him? What if he’d hurt himself? What if Derek and gone after him again? What if his father had found him? What if what if what if…

               “Dude, take a breath,” Vic soothed as he spied Kellin leaving his locker at the end of the day. It had been one of the worst afternoons of his life.

               “Maybe he’s sick?” Rachel offered.

               “Or his phone died?”

               “Or he wanted to make sure we didn’t surprise him for his birthday?”

               “Or his father kidnapped and killed him,” Kellin said in a frustrated murmur.

               “What?” Vic blurted as they headed out and piled into the beat up Aries.

               “Nothing,” Kellin sighed. His father was in England, and couldn’t possibly escape under the Yard’s nose, right?

               “You didn’t get this upset when I didn’t show up,” Rachel teased Vic.

               “Oh I was real worried! I just knew you’d kick my ass if I got all possessive and texted you every twenty seconds to make sure you were ok,” Vic answered, but winked at Kellin to cheer him up. Kellin wasn’t feeling it though, and could only muster a half-hearted smile at Vic’s attempts.

               “Can you drop me off at Oli’s?” he asked.

               “Yeah, sure no problem,” his friend answered.

               In minutes, they were at the little ranch and Kellin used the key Oli had given him to walk in. It was eerily quiet. “Oli?” he called out. Feeling his heart thrum nervously and his hands shake a bit he made a bee line to the bathroom. Empty and quiet. Then he turned across the hall and opened Oli’s door. There, underneath the covers was a mop of dark brown hair, the figure beneath obviously sleeping. Had he had a bad night?

               Sending Vic a quick text to let him know that Oli was ok and that he could go drop Rachel off, he silently approached the bed. On the nightstand was Oli’s phone, plugged in and the screen lit up, showing Kellin’s many texts. In the little reply bar was a message: _I have a sore throat and didn’t sleep great. I’m staying home so I don’t get anyone else sick. See you tonight._

               Rachel had been right. Oli was sick. Kellin could feel the tension in his shoulders deflating, and he slumped onto the edge of the bed with a sigh, vigorously rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes in order to discourage the tears that had gathered there. He felt like a pussy for crying, but he had just been so worried…

               “Kells?” a low voice inquired, and Kellin turned to see Oli looking up at him, sleep still simmering in those hazel eyes. The other boy immediately sat up when he saw Kellin’s face, one tattooed hand flying to the small of his back, the other to his thigh. “Kellin, what’s wrong?”

               Wiping at the wetness in his eyes Kellin growled, “You forgot to hit send.” He wanted to be mad at Oli, but he was so relieved that his words held very little actual venom.

               “I did?” he said, confused, voice sounding a bit raw as he shifted on the bed and grabbed his phone. His eyes widened and he saw the unsent text and then then many, many texts Kellin had sent him. Kellin watched the uncomfortable guilt overcome the other’s face. “I’m sorry love,” he said in a soft tone when he finally finished reading, and went back to rubbing Kellin’s back. “Why didn’t you ask Tom? He would have known I was staying home sick…”

               Now it was Kellin’s turn to feel sheepish. Why hadn’t he asked Tom? Because he had panicked, that’s why. He buried his face in his hands, “Because I’m and idiot and I panicked…”

               “Ah, love,” Oli chuckled kindly. “Looks like we both managed to cock this up. I’m alright though. It’s ok. Just a sore throat,” Oli reassured as he continued his ministrations. “Let me go take a quick shower and I’ll grab my bag so that when your mum swings by we’re ready to go,” he said and kissed Kellin’s temple before extricating himself from the warm blankets with an involuntary shiver.

               Kellin calmed himself and by the time his mother came by on her way home to pick them up he was feeling much better. He had texted her on the way and she had gotten some vegetable broth, orange juice, tea, and extra cold supplies in case Oli’s illness became more than just exhaustion and a sore throat. Oli looked a bit brighter after the shower, though his damp hair always made Kellin swoon a bit.

               “So, Kellin told me that you don’t celebrate your birthday, and that you hate surprises…but too bad!” Ms. Quinn announced as she pulled the little sedan into the garage.

               “Oh, you really didn’t need to do anything for me,” Oli stated, shifting uncomfortably as they left the car. “I didn’t want to cause a fuss.”

               “Well, I say everyone needs a little fussing over for their birthday, and it’s not anything gigantic,” she said cryptically as they entered the house. It smelled delicious inside. “Kellin just told me that you miss bits of England once in awhile, so I found this great recipe for vegetarian shepherd’s pie, and Jeff put it in right before he left for work, since he’s on second shift this week. I made the cake last night too. So, your surprises are edible, hopefully.”

               “C’mon, you can put your stuff in my room. I just gotta blow up the air mattress for you tonight. My grandparents are staying over tomorrow night, but after they leave we’ll change the sheets and you can stay in the spare bedroom if you want,” Kellin explained before Oli could thank his mother.

               “Sleeping in your room, or sleeping in a separate room. Not very motivating. But if my cold keeps you up I’ll go in the other one, or the couch if you want. I don’t want you to catch it too,” he said.

               “Please! As if you could get me sick! Baby, my mom has brought every single virus known to man home from the hospital, and while I got sick a bunch when I was little, I haven’t had so much as a sniffle in years. You couldn’t get me sick if you tried.”

               Watching Oli take in his birthday dinner was almost comical, and Kellin was sure he had never seen the other boy blush so much in his life. He’d never really had shepherd’s pie, but the vegetarian version was pretty good, and Oli kept thanking his mother, even insisting on cleaning up afterward.

               “It’s your birthday, you’re supposed to enjoy being pampered,” Kellin said, as he brought the dirty dishes over.

               “Just makes me feel awkward,” Oli sighed. “Your mom went to all this work and I…I don’t even really celebrate it.”

               His mother jumped in before Kellin could reply. “Oh my goodness Kellin you’re helping clean up after dinner? That’s it I need to go back to the hospital cause I’m having a heart attack. Oliver, you need to move in if having you over means you can get Kellin to help around the house.”

               “Hey I help! I cleaned the bathrooms last weekend!” Kellin said indignantly.

               “Only after I asked you half a million times,” his mother groused, to which Kellin rolled his eyes and made a face. This made Oli laugh and Kellin felt his heart lift.

               “Mom, you forgot to frost it,” Kellin complained as his mother brought the cake out, but saw Oli roll his eyes this time. It looked more like a cake sandwich dusted with powdered sugar than a birthday cake.

               “It’s a traditional British cake and I worked hard on it thank-you very much,” his mother huffed.

               “You don’t like frosting in the UK?” Kellin asked, looking back at Oli, in a confused manner.

               “It’s a tea cake. You have this with a proper cuppa the queen’s brew,” he answered, intentionally making his accent thicker.

               “Did you want tea?” his mother asked.

               Oli immediately shook his head, and Kellin knew that even if he did want tea, he would refuse out of making more work for his mother, so he took the kettle out of the cabinet, filled it and put it on the stove anyway.

               It turned out that the cake did not need extra frosting, and was moist and delicious all by itself. Kellin even noticed that Oli ate two slices, and took it as a good sign.

               When Kellin had showered that evening and returned to his room, he found Oli stretched out on the air mattress in a short sleeve shirt and boxers, reading another sci-fi novel and sipping a mug of tea. Kellin watched him for a moment, taking in the long legs splattered with tattoos here and there.

               ‘He has a cold…He has a cold…’ Kellin repeated to himself, stepping around Oli and crawling up onto his bed.

               “If you want to stare this long, I’m going to start charging a pound per minute,” Oli said after taking another sip of tea so his voice sounded a bit better, not even bothering to look up from his book.

               “You’re my handsome boyfriend. Can’t I look when I want to?” Kellin flirted back.

               “I have an awful lot of scars for you to be calling me handsome,” Oli smirked.

               Kellin slipped down onto the air mattress and lay beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and burying his face in the brown locks briefly. “Survival wounds, and they’re beautiful.”

               “Ha! You’re talking out of your arse now.”

               “Really,” Kellin said, sobering. “They’re not beautiful like a flower or anything, but like…like…” Oli raised an eyebrow at him, as if to say ‘See? I was right.’ Kellin was determined to prove him wrong though. “There’s this tree, at the very edge of point pyramid, looking over Lake Michigan. All the other trees are further back, protected by the rocks and shrubs. They’ve had it easy, and they all sort of look the same. But then there’s this tree is out there, bent and gnarled with the wind and the waves, where no other tree could probably live. And you know what? It’s the most beautiful tree I know.”

               At this Oli leapt from his spot and shoved him over, and Kellin found himself on his back being kissed ferociously by the other boy. Thankfully his body caught up before his brain, and he kissed back with just as much vigor. Their make-out session left them both panting, the small needy whines Kellin elicited from Oli making him want to do so much more. “If only my mom weren’t home,” he groaned and flopped his head back, trying to calm the heat pooling in his lower belly.

               “We’ll get there, love,” Oli laughed and kissed the tip of Kellin’s nose before flopping next to him, arm affectionately slung over Kellin’s waist.

               It was then that Kellin remembered something, and reached under the darkness of his own bed and pulled out a newspaper-wrapped rectangle. Oli frowned at him and said, “I thought I said not to get me anything.”

               “It’s a thanksgiving eve present. Very common in America.”

               “You’re full of shite,” Oli said, but tore the paper off anyway to reveal a new drawing pad. He flicked through and felt it, apparently appreciating the quality. “How did you know?”

               “I’ve flicked through your pads on your desk. There’s some great clothing designs, and it seemed like you ran out of pages so…I wanted to get you another one.”

               Oli flipped through the pages again before setting it aside. Kellin could not figure out why his eyes looked so watery. Was it his cold? The other boy ducked his head into Kellin’s shoulder and held him tight for a moment. Kellin ran his finger tips down the bare skin of Oli’s arms, enjoying being able to see the tattoos painted on his skin. “Oli?”

               “It’s ‘cause I didn’t think I’d be around to fill them,” his voice said softly to the quiet, sounding rough, but Kellin wasn’t sure if that was from his sore throat or not. At first Kellin didn’t understand what he meant, but then it clicked. Oli had thought he would have killed himself before he got around to designing any more clothes.

               “Are you still feeling that way?” Kellin asked with equal reticence.

               Oli shook his head against the other’s shoulder and popped his head up to lay partially over the other boy and looked him in the eye. There was a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Not usually. See I have this amazing boy that I would do anything for, who makes it worthwhile to stick around. He keeps me from drowning.”

               “Sounds like a pretty great guy,” Kellin played along. “Bet he’s pretty hot too.”

               “Hmmmm. I guess he is…”

               Kellin laughed and pushed at him. “You guess? You guess? Listen that boy could have almost any guy or girl in the school that he wants! That’s how sexy he is!” Kellin somehow ended up reversing their positions and straddled Oli, pushing him into the air mattress, the latter laughing hard and he wrestled back.

               “I always just thought of him as carnally adorable,” Oli chuckled before giving Kellin his usual grin with his tongue sticking out between his teeth. “Now get off so I can breathe!”

               “Say he’s hot and I’ll get off you,” Kellin offered.

               “Oh love, you don’t want to play chicken with me,” Oli stated, and his grin turned positively satanic.

               “I don’t?”

               Reaching up Kellin’s shirt, Oli ran his talented fingers underneath, up and then down until they tugged at Kellin’s sleepwear. Kellin let out a stuttering gasp as his body shuddered involuntarily. “You’re right, I definitely don’t,” he agreed and retreated quickly to his own bed as Oli’s laughter began again. “Who are you and what did you do to my sweet, shy boyfriend?”

               “You mean you didn’t read my warning label?” Oli grinned up at him, breathing pattern slowly returning to normal.

               “You don’t just need a warning label. You need five pages of terms and conditions,” Kellin retorted, settling into his bed.

               “Of which you will ignore anyway.”

               “No, I’ll accept them automatically.”

               Oli rolled his eyes and reached for his tea to take another sip. “I’m done reading, I think. You can turn out your light whenever you want to,” Oli said and nestled beneath the blankets that Kellin had gathered for him.

               Yawning, Kellin clicked the lamp off and was just settling down when he heard a soft, “And Kells?”

               “Yeah.”

               “Thanks for the great birthday. It’s the best one I’ve ever had. G’night.”

               “You’re welcome baby. Goodnight,” he answered, and couldn’t stop the gentle smile from gracing his lips.

              

 

               The next morning found Kellin alone in his room, and it was rather dark. Venturing out to the kitchen he found his mother rinsing off a large turkey in their sink while Oli stood at the stove, stirring what Kellin assumed was onions and celery in the cast iron pan, dressed in a pair of sweatpants and his t-shirt from last night, brown locks tossed in bedhead. There was something oddly domestic about the scene, and Kellin stood for a moment, watching Oli’s back, his shoulder blades shifting against the shirt as he stirred from time to time. It did not escape Kellin that this was also the only setting that Oli felt comfortable wearing short sleeves, but for now it felt like progress.

               “Good morning buddy,” a loud male voice greeted him from the hallway as his stepfather walked in, carrying two foldable chairs and setting them at the table.

               “Morning,” Kellin mumbled, watching him for a moment before catching Oli turning to look back at him, giving him a smile in greeting.

               “Oh good you’re awake Kellin! Come help me with this,” his mother gasped, trying to move the heavy bird.

               Thus, Kellin found himself roped into setting up the turkey and dressing to get it in the oven before they had breakfast. As he glanced out the window he realized that it was snowing hard, with several inches already on the ground. He caught Oli staring out of the window as well, finishing his tea as he did so.

               “Weren’t you going to teach me how to enjoy snow?” he asked, eyes bright and alive in a way Kellin hadn’t seen before, but his voice was gravelly and clearly sore.

               “Maybe when you aren’t sick,” he offered, his protective instincts flaring up. He didn’t want Oli’s cold getting any worse. The other stuck his tongue out at him.

               By late morning the snow had not let up, and Kellin wondered aloud, “You think Nana and Pops will be ok driving?” His mother was just finishing peeling potatoes with Oli’s help.

               “They called and said they were on their way. Why don’t you go help Jeff shovel the driveway real quick so they have somewhere to park when they get here,” she offered.

               Kellin sighed, not having wanted another chore, but he supposed it was better than peeling potatoes. “Alright…” he huffed.

               Dressed in his snow gear Kellin set about helping Jeff clear the driveway and a path up to the house, doing his best to ignore how cheerful Jeff was about it, and how ridiculous his ginger beard looked frosted with ice and snow. He was just about done when a wad of snow smacked him on the side of the head. Looking frantically around he saw Jeff at the other end of the driveway, shoveling merrily. It wasn’t him. Scanning he spied the familiar black hoodie ducking behind the corner of the house before being pelted with another ball of snow, Oli’s laughter reaching his ears.

               “Oh you are so done!” Kellin called after him, dropping the shovel and grabbing his own snow, chasing the other boy into the back yard.

               “You should have seen your face! You were nearly arse-over-tit!” Oli roared, despite the cracking in his voice, as he hid behind one of the few trees in the backyard where Kellin had chased him.

               “Just you wait! You’ve challenged the master! And I will not be merciful!” he answered, making several snow balls and throwing them with expert aim.

               For over an hour they dodged, pelting each other back and forth and Kellin got to see that even though Oli was skinny and awkward most of the time, he had a sort of gangly grace to his movements that he couldn’t help but love. There was an energy to him, like a live wire, that Kellin had only glimpsed then they had gone to the concert together. Was this the Oliver that had been buried by his father under scars, hurt and fear?

Finally he managed to catch Oli and pin him into the fluffy cold drifts, the other out of breath from laughing. In that moment Kellin paused, taking in Oli’s beautiful face, high cheek bones pink with cold and snowflakes clinging to his long lashes and tips of his chocolate locks as they peaked out from what Kellin recognized as one of his own hats.

               “Going to let me up?” he panted against Kellin.

               “I’m thinking about it,” Kellin answered, giving him a wicked grin.

               Oli shoved with surprising strength at his thighs and scrambled up. It was then that Kellin caught him shivering.

               “C’mon. I bet my grandma is here and we’ll eat soon,” he said, offering his hand in truce. “You need proper winter gear,” he added as they headed into the back door. With just a hoodie, hat and gloves, Oli was soaked, not that he seemed to mind in the least.

               The football game was on, Jeff and his Pops watching it, the latter greeting him by raising a beer. The man always did know how to chill.

               “Oh Kellin!” a voice caught his attention as he entered the little kitchen. A stout woman with white curled hair shuffled over and Kellin allowed himself to be drawn down and his cheek kissed. “I think you grew taller again!” she exclaimed.

               “Same height I’ve been since I was sixteen Nana,” he said.

               “And who is this young man?” she asked sweetly, turning her bespectacled eyes to Oli.

               “Oliver Sykes, Ma’am,” he offered. “Nice to meet you.”

               “That’s my boyfriend Nana,” Kellin clarified.

               “He’s so handsome! And such a cute little accent!” she exclaimed, causing Oli to blush and look like a deer in the headlights. She reached up and Oli froze as she pinched his cheek. “So skinny though! We’ll fix that!” She turned around and went back to the counter to finish what Kellin could only assume were biscuits, his mother just beyond trying not to laugh.

               Oli followed him back to his bedroom, muttering something about “Americans…”

               “You can shower first,” Kellin offered. “You look cold.”

               “Probably because I’m apparently too skinny by your grandmother’s standards,” Oli smirked, though Kellin was really beginning to worry about his voice. It sounded like it was coming out of a meat grinder.

               “She’s been saying the same thing to me for years. Honestly it’s a relief that she has a new target.” He caught Oli rolling his eyes as he disappeared out into the hall for the bathroom.

              

               Thanksgiving dinner was one of Kellin’s favorites. Everything his grandmother and mother made was from scratch, and in a world where he rarely got that, it made things extra special. From the turkey, to the stuffing, potatoes, relish tray, squash, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, corn, and finally pie (both pumpkin and coconut cream) Kellin enjoyed a bit of everything. It worried him though that while Oli had started with a full plate, he’d only been able to make it through half before giving up, and only had the tiniest sliver of coconut cream pie. He didn’t look any worse than he had that morning, but Kellin worried that maybe something other than his throat was bothering him. The tattooed boy seemed happy enough to join him and his stepfather and pops in a few card games, though, after dinner while everything digested. He’d meant to ask Oli about it as they prepared for bed, but Oli was curled up on the air mattress and out cold, even with the lamp on when Kellin had come back from the bathroom after brushing his teeth. Kellin couldn’t bring himself to wake the other boy up and curled up in bed, going to sleep soon after.

               Kellin was not a light sleeper by any means. His mother often remarked a herd of elephants could go through the middle of his room and he wouldn’t wake up, but that night his eyes snapped open at a sound.

               At first, he thought he’d imagined it, and blinked in the dark silence, the only sound occasionally heard being the wind buffeting the house as the temp continued to drop with the storm. After a few moments he heard what had woken him up, and his heart sank.

               “No…no, please…no,” a broken whimper reached his ears and he immediately knew it was Oli. Adrenaline woke him up further and he reached over to the nightstand to turn on the light. Blinking a few times as his eyes adjusted and watered, the voice came up to him again. “No…stop…m’sorry…”

               This had Kellin immediately up and peering down at the other boy. Oli was shifting on the air mattress, dark locks stuck to his forehead with sweat, blankets pushed down in a mess at his feet. Tiptoeing over the mattress onto the carpet to kneel beside him, Kellin could see his face twisted in pain, breath erratic, and when he placed a hand on bare and trembling shoulder, it radiated with unnatural heat.

               “Shit. Oli…Oli…Oli wake up…” Kellin said gently, yet firmly, shaking the shoulder as he did so.

               Oliver stuttered awake, and at first pushed back at Kellin’s hand, inexplicably terrified. Kellin grabbed his hand and held on. “Oli it’s me. It’s Kellin. You’re ok. You’re safe.”

               Realization was slow to take hold in those dazed hazel eyes, but the horrified look dissipated. “Kell-?” Oli asked, his voice coming out like broken glass and causing the tattooed boy to clutch at his throat in pain.

               Kellin inched closer and ran a hand through the sweat-soaked waves. “I’m right here. Don’t try to talk. I’m gonna go get my mom to take a look at you. I’ll be right back. I’m not leaving you. Just getting my mom,” Kellin repeated himself until he was sure Oli wouldn’t think he was abandoning him in his fever-addled brain.

               His mother was nearly as hard to wake up as he was, but as soon as he mentioned Oli’s name she was up and pulling her green fluffy robe on. She had Kellin grab the thermometer and the penlight from the bathroom, and when he returned he found his mother fussing over his boyfriend, feeling his neck and forehead. “His tonsils are a bit swollen,” She said absently. “Oli, I’m going to have you sit up dear. That’s it, nice and slow.” Kellin held a hand to his back, noting that the thin t-shirt was soaked in sweat as well. His mother frowned at the thermometer when she took it out of his mouth, tutting under her breath about it being high. “Oli, I want you to open your mouth and say ‘Ah’,” she commanded. Oli did his best, his ‘Ah coming out like a bare whisper, however. His mother shined the pen light in as she did so and frowned.

               “Just as I thought. Strep Throat. I’ll have Jeannie drop me off a Z-pak on her way home in a few hours. In the meantime, let’s get you cooled down. Kellin, go ahead and fill the bathtub up with lukewarm water,” his mother directed, now in nurse mode.

               Kellin obeyed, and when he came back he found Oli’s eyes, a little too fever bright, watching him helplessly. Oli had been down, hurt, suicidal, nearly broken, but never helpless, and for some reason Kellin hated this look the worst of all. “C’mon baby,” he said softly, wrapping Oli’s arm over his shoulder, other at his hip as he tried to direct him up and to the bathroom. But Oliver’s legs were practically jelly, and by the second step, Kellin simply reached down under his knees and lifted him fully into his arms, earning a soft whine as Oli buried his head into the other’s neck, gripping tight.

               Not even bothering to remove his boxers, Kellin set him straight into the water and helped Oli to remove the thin shirt. Oli wrapped his arms around himself shivering, giving Kellin a disgruntled look, being the most naked that the other had ever seen him. Kellin ignored it though, taking the removable shower head and turning the water back on to a couple degrees cooler. “This is going to feel cold at first,” he said, trying to keep the worry out of his voice.

               Oli nodded, but an involuntary hiss still escaped his lips as Kellin began to rinse him down with the cool water. The water ran in rivulets over the beautiful pictures and scars as Kellin continued his ministrations, rinsing off the sweat and slowly bringing Oli’s temperature back to some form of acceptable.

               “I was having a nightmare about my dad,” Oli said, his voice crackling as his eyes finally cleared a bit.

               “Don’t try and talk,” Kellin told him.

               “You were there. He was hurting you,” Oli said anyway, apparently feeling the need to get it off his chest.

               “You’re safe here. I’m safe too,” Kellin answered and turned the water off. “Feel a little better?”

               Oli nodded. “Clearer,” he mumbled. He was together enough to get up on his own and dry himself off. Dully he shuffled back into Kellin’s room, where Kellin and his mother waited with orange juice, some aspirin, and a bowl of ice water with a cold cloth. He winced as he took the proffered pills, and Kellin redirected him to the bed instead of the air mattress.

               “I’ll get you up when I get the z-pak,” Kellin’s mother said before giving Oli a sad smile as she left. “Try and drink that juice and rest.”

               Kellin crawled in next to him on the tiny twin mattress, which Oli didn’t seem to mind, placing the cool cloth on Oli’s forehead to help with the fever. After finishing the juice painfully, he cuddled next to Kellin like a magnet, and Kellin held him close, rubbing a hand up and down the scarred left shoulder in a soothing manner. He felt a bit cooler now. The secret of Mr. Sykes’ escape swirled around in his mind, and while he wanted very badly to treat Oli like an adult and tell him, but whimpers and sounds of the nightmare floated back to him and he hesitated. When he was better, Kellin would tell him, he decided. But right now, he needed Oli to feel less like shit. Shifting closer, Oli lay his head once again on Kellin’s shoulder, his boney limbs intertwining with the other’s. His body gave a deep sigh as he relaxed into the other boy, and Kellin remained awake until Oli’s fist in his shirt loosened enough to tell him that the other was sleeping. Only then did he allow himself to fall asleep as well.  

              

 

Oli was laid low for the majority of that Friday. He vaguely remembered Kellin waking him up to make him take the antibiotics that his mother had gotten from the hospital, but after that he seemed to move in and out of dreaming and wakefulness. Both states were generally miserable. When he was asleep he saw his father, that cruel, cold visage sometimes coming after him, other times going after Kellin. At one point he had even gone after Vic and Rachel. The nightmares were terrifying and left him waking suddenly with his heart pounding and his muscles twitching with the need to run. Being awake had its own set of agonies.

At that point Oli was nearly mute with the pain in his throat, and it hurt so very much to swallow. Orange juice and vegetable broth felt like knives, and anything solid was completely out of the question. Leftover squash and mashed sweet potatoes were had in small doses, but Oli had no appetite. The herbal mint tea that Kellin’s mother had bought was the only thing that seemed to help, and Oli must have drank it by the liter over the next few days. His body aches and chills seemed to come and go with his fever, but thankfully Kellin was never very far. Oli had never been much for initiating physical affection, but with Kellin he made an exception. He loved being able to press against the other boy’s curves, their bodies fitting together in a way that left no gaps, and stilled Oli’s feverish chills when they made an appearance. Kellin’s free left hand would run through his hair as he worked on homework, or watched a movie, and Oli would have purred if his throat had been in any kind of working order. Every thought of Kellin was filled with gratitude as he seemed to know exactly what Oli needed and when, bringing him tea, rubbing his back, and laying cold wet cloths across his neck to soothe the pain and bring down the fever.

By Sunday Oli had improved enough to eat solid foods again, and his voice sounded less like it had gone through a wood-chipper, and more like he had simply talked too much that day. He was eternally grateful to Ms. Quinn, but felt even more indebted to Kellin. However, he knew the other would just shrug it off as soon as he said something. It fueled his drive to figure out what he could do to thank the other boy. Kellin had done so much for him: nursed him through strep, saved him from getting the crap kicked out of him by Derek and his gang, and had become his absolute rock with his mental health. Kellin had become his reason to live, to keep going, to keep reaching for a future that looked brighter day to day.

He had been pondering what he could do as he sat at Kellin’s desk, wrapped in a blanket and staring at the math problems in front of him. He was so tired of the bed he’d made Kellin switch places with him. Linkin Park played softly in the background, and Kellin sat on the air mattress, chewing on the cap of his pen as he read over the history assignment silently. He was so alluring like that, dark locks tucked behind his ears and what Oli referred to as his ‘concentration face’ on.

Oli hadn’t realized he was staring until Kellin’s lips curled and he said without glancing up, “What were you saying the other day about charging for staring?”

“Think you’re funny as fuck, don’t you?” Oli smirked back.

“I don’t have to think anything.”

“That’s for sure.”

Kellin looked up with dramatic flare. “Pretty bold for someone who just got his ass handed to him by a bacteria.”

“Piss off, it bloody sucked,” he chuckled and dragged his math homework over to where Kellin was sitting, plopping down next to him. Kellin eyed him as Oli tried to figure out the right words to say. Tattooed fingers reached for pure pale ones, intertwining them perfectly.

“Something you want to get off your chest?” Kellin asked in curiosity.

“I love you,” Oli blurted out. With a breath he continued, “I know we haven’t really said it yet, at least not in a flirty way, but I do. I love you. I am in love with you. I know you’re probably not ready-“

“Actually, I already said it,” Kellin confessed suddenly.

“What? Was I not conscious?” Oli asked, confusion in his voice.

“You weren’t, and it was your mom I was telling.”

“You told my mum you loved her?”

“No! I told her I love you! We had a chat after Saturday night, and I told her that I love you, and that I would do anything for you,” he said, though seemed uncomfortable as he said it, and Oli couldn’t figure out why.

“But?”

“But?”

“You’re obviously uncomfortable about something. My mom told me you guys were getting along now and I didn’t have to worry about you fighting anymore, but your face now…have you changed your mind about me?”

“No! No, God, Oli I love you! It’s not that,” he reassured, giving Oli’s hand a squeeze that was just a bit too tight. “It’s just your mom made me promise something, and I’m considering breaking that promise.”

“What did she make you promise?” Oli asked slowly, feeling dread curling in his stomach for some reason.

“She made you promise not to tell you something,” Kellin whispered, looking down at his lap uncertainly.

“Just tell me. She’s not doing me any favors keeping me in the dark.”

“I thought so too, but then you were having those nightmares when you were sick…and…I don’t know.”

Nightmares? The only ones he’d had when he was sick had to do with his…no… “It’s my father, isn’t it?” Kellin looked sharply up, blue eyes a bit too wide. “What’s happened with my father?”

“He’s escaped.”

As soon as the words escaped Kellin’s mouth, Oli felt a numbness spread to his limbs, and suddenly everything was very far away. His father had escaped from prison. Oli would be found. He would be killed. All those terrible nightmares of being hurt, Kellin hurt, and even his friends being hurt would come true. The man surely knew by now who had turned him in, who had gotten him captured. His father had his fingers in every country. It wouldn’t take long for them to smuggle him to America, just like they smuggled drugs, and from there it would be all too easy to find Oli…and…and…

“-breathe! Breathe Oli!” Suddenly the blue eyes were in front of him and warm hands on either side of his face as Kellin begged him. One breath, then another, Oli matched his breaths to Kellin’s and rejoined the present time. “That’s it, baby. You can do it.”

“Fuck,” he breathed, trying to take deliberate breaths. He could feel his body trembling and knew it wasn’t from a fever this time.

“It will be ok Oli. You mom’s gone to the UK to make sure that they-“

“-no. No kellin, you don’t understand-“ he interrupted, shaking the hands off.

“-she’s there giving Scotland Yard all the medical records so they can move your dad onto the international level for man hunt and make sure he doesn’t escape the UK. They will catch him, and we will go to college together, and get an apartment together and marry and have kids or not or whatever the hell you want to do, but he’s not going to get to you.”

Oli appreciated the sentiment, he really did, but this time no amount of words could bring him ease. “Kellin you don’t get it. My dad has so many connections, they could smuggle him out like-“ Oli snapped his fingers. “He could easily make his way to here and don’t think he doesn’t have connections in Detroit somewhere, and bob’s your uncle he’s here and not only am I dead, but he could go after you, your family, not to mention my family, and maybe even Vic and Rachel. All because you know me. He’ll destroy everything and I can’t…” Oli could feel his eyes burn with tears, desperation creating a lump in his still sore throat. “…I can’t watch him hurt you. I would rather get every single one of these scars again, at the same time, than watch you get hurt or killed by him. I can’t do that…I won’t survive it…”Oli turned his head away and the tears poured down. “You need to break up with me and-“

A hand quickly covered his mouth, and looking back he saw Kellin glaring at him. “Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence. If you think watching me die would destroy you then you know exactly how I feel about you leaving me then. That’s what bad couples in movies do, and that is so not going to fly with me. I’m staying with you no matter what happens, which, hopefully, will be nothing,” Kellin said, and Oli knew there would be no arguing with him. He’d never heard Kellin as deadly serious as he was in that moment.

Removing his hand, Kellin replaced it with his lips, pouring all his passion and need for the other in, causing Oli’s insides to light a flame. Kellin was apparently quite serious about not letting him go. After the kiss Oli leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the other, hands fisting in his shirt and resting his head on his shoulder. He could smell Kellin’s shampoo, but even that soothing scent couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Kellin held him, rubbing his hands up and down his back.  He was just so damn scared.

They shared a bed again that night, though Oli felt like he didn’t sleep much. He kept waking up at the slightest sounds, his heart racing every time. Kellin’s back was to his chest and Oli would lean his ear in just the right spot to listen to Kellin’s heart beat and slow breaths, reassuring himself that Kellin was still alive and well. He had allowed his father to get away with so much for years, but this was where Oliver would put his foot down. He corrupted every part of his life. But Kellin was pure, clean, and the very sweetest soul Oli had ever known. He would not allow anything to happen to Kellin, no matter what it cost.

 

 

“Looks like we know what you two were up to all weekend,” Vic teased, wiggling his eyebrows, upon seeing an exhausted Oli and a quiet Kellin.

“Yeah everyone feels like shagging when they have strep throat,” Oli rolled his eyes, voice cracking a bit still. At least besides the exhaustion and underlying panic, he was feeling better. Ms. Quinn had even packed a thermos with the mint tea and vegetable soup for lunch.

“That sucks that you were sick for your birthday and your first thanksgiving,” Rachel commiserated. “I just watched my uncle get drunk and pick political fights with the rest of the family at our gathering.”

“Is that the Uncle who also insists on smoking his cigars in the house?” Vic asked.

“That’s the one…” Rachel sighed, taking her sandwich out of her lunch box.

Kellin picked at the tray in front of him. Ever since he had told Oli about his father’s escape, his boyfriend had been on edge, which worried Kellin. He was still getting used to the new drug program his psychiatrist had for him, recovering from strep, and now this. Maybe Oli’s mother was right for once about her son and what he’d be able to handle, and Kellin was beginning to regret telling him.

“Kellin…earth to Kellin…” A hand waved in front of his face, and he looked up to see Vic him giving him an odd look. “What do you think?”

“About what?” he asked, clearly not having paid attention to whatever conversation was going on around him.

“We were thinking about going to go see a movie Friday, and wanted to know if you and Oli wanted to double date with us,” Rachel stated. “You alright? You and Oli are so quiet.”

Kellin opened his mouth and then shut it, unsure of how much Oli would ever want exposed to anyone but himself.

“I got some bad news over the weekend,” Oli mumbled, stirring absently at his soup before setting the spoon aside. “My father has escaped from prison,” he stated, watching their reactions.

Confusion painted the other couple’s faces. “Your dad was in prison?” Vic asked.

“I take it Tom didn’t tell you then?”

Vic shook his head, still apparently trying to wrap his head around it. Kellin reached over and took Oli’s hand, thumb wandering up to the scars on his wrist. It was Oli’s story to tell, not Kellin’s, but he would support him in telling it. “Is that why you came to your family here? Your dad went to prison in the UK?” Rachel probed gently.

“Yeah. And I’m the one who put him there,” Oli said slowly, chewing on the inside of his mouth with nerves. Kellin squeezed his hand.

“What did he go to jail for?” Vic asked, and Kellin wasn’t sure he’d ever heard him more quiet and serious.

“Well, I handed the police incriminating tax documents because I knew it would get their attention and it was the only solid thing I had until they found the huge stores of cocaine and Ketamine. He was…is…one of the biggest drug lords in Europe. And now he’s escaped, and he knows I’m the one who got him arrested.”

“Woah your dad was a drug lord?” Vic gaffawed.

“He’s in the UK though, right? He can’t come here…” Rachel said, elbowing Vic in the side.

“He’s got connections everywhere. He could get out if he wants,” Oli stated simply, and Kellin saw the measured breaths he took to remain calm.

“But maybe he’ll lay low for awhile, right? I mean, the police have got to be everywhere looking for him!” Vic said encouragingly, recovering from the shock.

Oli was silent for a moment, staring at the crumbs in the middle of the table before explaining, “Back when I was…there…he used to make me watch what happened to people who stole from him, shorted him, or just wronged him in any way. Told me that you weren’t a real man if you didn’t take care of that stuff yourself, if you sent someone else. And then he usually beat them for awhile, make it look like a mugging, until they died. Or if someone stole from him, he would OD them to make it look like an accidental death. And he never let anything get away. So, I know his first order of business, now that he’s out, will be to come after me, because I was the ultimate betrayal.”

“Well can’t the FBI hide you or something?” Rachel asked desperately.

“My mum was in the UK this past weekend giving the Yard my medical records so they can increase the urgency with which they search and they can coordinate internationally. It should get the FBI involved, but hiding me would almost be worse.”

“Why? And why your medical records?” Vic asked this time.

“My dad fucked me up pretty good,” was all he said about the medical records, though his grip on Kellin’s hand tightened beneath the table. “And if I go into hiding, he’ll use Kellin, or anyone I know to draw me back out, to get at me.” Oli took another deep breath and looked up to the couple sitting across the table. “I guess my point is be careful when you’re out doing stuff…that is, if you still want to be around me.”

Both Vic and Rachel continued to look concerned at the last statement and Vic caught Kellin’s eyes. “Did you know about this?”

“Which part?”

“All of it?” Vic gapped like a fish.

Rachel jumping in though, putting her hands on the table firmly, “We’re not going to just up and abandon you Oli. You’re our friend, and Kellin’s boyfriend. I know we haven’t known each other for forever like Kellin and Vic have, but you’re special to us, and if there’s anything we can do to help…”

“So you knew that his dad was a drug lord?” Vic asked again.

“Yeah. He told me what…back in October? Right before we started dating I want to say. It’s not a big deal to me Vic,” Kellin said with resolution.

Vic backpedaled, “Oh I wasn’t saying it was! I’m with you Oli don’t get me wrong, you’re my friend too, I just thought maybe some…warning…would be good.”

“Warning for what?” Kellin asked, confused.

“Well I would have prepared.”

“Vic what are you talking about?” Rachel raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well I would have like come up with some distraction plans, just in case I had to distract your dad so you and Kellin could get away,” he said, looking at Oli’s confused face. “Or like, taken some self defense classes or something. Although with the way your boyfriend beat the crap out of Derek maybe it won’t be so bad if your dad does come after you Oli. I mean, all we have to do is grab Kellin and just point him in your direction, and your dad is a dead man.”

At this Kellin watched Oli crack a small smile, the first one he’d seen all day, and couldn’t help but feel grateful to Vic. “Yeah I kind of regret being unconscious for most of that fight. Would have been such a turn on.”

Kellin blushed and hid his hands in his face, “Ok, both of you can stop now. I know that I was a possessed animal that day,” he groaned.

“Which is so impressive to me considering how high your voice is,” Vic lamented.

“Shut up,” Kellin huffed.

The bell for the end of lunch rang, and as they stood, Oli took his hand again and said quietly enough so that only Kellin could hear, “You know your voice is my favorite in the world though, right?”

Kellin smirked and rolled his eyes, effectively cheered. “You’re getting wet again.”

 

 

From that point forward, Kellin, Vic, and Rachel seemed to circle Oli like vultures, following him to each class, and making sure to spend time with him after school. Oli might have found it strangling had he not appreciated it so much. It was a two way street though, as Oli could make sure they were alright as well. The added hanging with Vic had actually helped in that the other boy was helping him with a gift for Kellin. He just hoped that he lived long enough to give it to him.

In the meantime, Oli did his best to concentrate on their duet, keep Kellin from burning down the Chemistry lab, and not think of the danger lurking around the corner for them. Kellin did a good job of keeping him distracted, but the times when Oli wasn’t physically with Kellin worried him, and it was hard to cope with the panic. He tried really hard not to be clingy, he really did, but it was hard when Kellin left his sight. At least twice in the days following Oli kept him on the phone late into the evening, falling asleep to that sweet voice on the other end.

Thankfully Kellin, the beloved soul, seemed to just take it in stride and talked Oli down from his panic and understood just how much Oli’s father scarred him. He also noticed that Kellin had taken to looking at him when he thought Oli wasn’t paying attention. It wasn’t the looking itself that alerted Oli something might be wrong, as they looked at each other all the time. They were in love! But now when Kellin watched him, his gorgeous blue eyes seemed as if they were watching Oli die a slow and painful death. Oli supposed that in a way, he was. The terror his father was inciting was killing him. If the panic wasn’t getting to him, the nightmares were keeping him awake, and for the first time since being with Kellin he longed for the escape that the ketamine had given him.

The only good news was that when his mother had returned from the UK, she informed him that the FBI and CIA were fully on board and would be watching all the ports, after he confronted her about knowing. It was now an international man-hunt, and Oli was sure his picture was all over English news. Here in America though, unless you were a Mexican drug lord, you weren’t going to make the local news at 6. Oli didn’t want to tell his family how much danger they were really in, as it would only make his mother panic, and given that Tom was still his father’s flesh and blood, the one that hadn’t betrayed him, it was doubtful that his father would come after him. No, his primary target would be Oli, or God forbid, Kellin.

Thus, it was with great reluctance that Oli agreed to go to see a movie and grab dinner afterward somewhere when Friday rolled around. It felt good to get out. He had felt like a caged animal all week. They went and saw the newest Saw. Oli liked a good horror film, but particularly enjoyed Kellin holding his hand the entire time, his little jumps and gasps at each thrilling scene. Even Vic and Rachel screamed at least once.

“How?” Vic asked aloud, looking at Oli as they left the movie theater, headed to the far, dark corner where they’d managed to park. It was virtually empty now though.

“How what?” he retorted, raising an eyebrow in the dusk. It was cold, and Kellin’s hand felt so warm in his own.

“You didn’t even flinch!” Vic exclaimed incredulously. “Even Rachel screamed once!”

“Hey that was just once! I saw Kellin almost jump out of his skin when that guy’s blood-“

“You’re just jealous that my boyfriend isn’t afraid of anything,” Kellin interrupted her, grinning. “Right, Oli?”

Oli looked over, smiling as well, until he saw the little red dot, right in the middle of Kellin’s black jacket. Without a second thought, Oli stopped and grabbed his arm, shoving Kellin behind himself. “Get behind me!” he shouted to Rachel and Vic, who thankfully obeyed without question.

“Oli what’s wrong?” Kellin asked in a rushed, high-pitched voice. Oli looked down, following the red dot as it came to rest in the center of his own chest now.

“Don’t move,” he answered quietly, trying to stop his trembling.

The sound of expensive shoes clicking on the parking lot came closer and all four of them watched as two figures appeared in the darkness. One was tall and muscular, holding the rifle steady. Oli did not recognize him. Whom he recognized was the other figure, just about his height with pepper hair and grim features. His father.

“Making friends Oliver? And a boyfriend too? How quaint,” he said with his usual reptilian chill.

“I’ll go with you. Just leave them alone,” Oli said in his steadiest voice. He wouldn’t let Kellin see him scared before he died. He didn’t want his last memories of him to be like that.

“So brave now too. Is that something the psychiatrists taught you? And you don’t need to worry, your little friends and lover didn’t do to me what you did. They didn’t betray their own flesh and blood. They didn’t try to destroy their creator. You did though, so I have an entire amusement park of things I want to do to you. Prison gave me plenty of time to come up with everything,” he grinned like a barracuda. “Now if you will be so kind,” he beckoned as a dark SUV rolled up behind them.

On numb legs Oliver stepped forward but paused as he felt a hand grip his hoodie. “Kellin, let go. You’ll be ok.”

The hand disappeared and his father grabbed his shoulder, turning him and zip-tying his wrists behind his back. Oli locked eyes with Kellin’s terrified blue ones, and mouthed ‘I love you’, before his father shoved him into the back of the SUV. The car immediately took off and Oli felt his heart left behind with Kellin. The familiar sense of impending death took over him, leaving his insides numb, but calm. All he could keep thinking of was Kellin.

Through the streets toward Detroit they flew, and his father said very little. His phone was in his front pocket of his hoodie, but he couldn’t reach it to call 911 or anything. Absently he stared out the window, taking in the city as it approached, wondering about the people in all the little houses, their lives going on while his came to an end. The existential meaninglessness of his life in relation to theirs put him at ease, but then he thought of Kellin, his tears, and he wished so very hard that there was a chance he would survive this. He would do anything to see that sweet face and adoring blue eyes, and to finally give him the gift he’d been working so hard on. He wanted the future with that boy that would soon be robbed of him.

Gold Coast was down on the waterfront of Detroit, and Oli found himself ferried into an abandoned shipping building right on the water’s edge. There were two other men on the perimeter, but Oli figured his father was only traveling with light staff in order to prevent drawing government eyes and being caught. The building was mostly empty except for a few shipping containers, chains hanging down to help lift the heavy machinery.

The broad man kicked the back of his knees to bring him to the ground near the middle of rotting building, and his father took his place in front of him. His father dismissed the other man to go to the perimeter, leaving him and Oli alone inside.

“You always were useless you know?” he began, his chilling voice almost genial. “You never had an interest in taking my place, and all you wanted to do was hang out with that tattoo artist. No ambition. You have always disappointed. Stealing merchandise from your own father that you should have been helping to sell. Conveniently, that will work out in the end, as after I’m done working on you, I’ll simply give you the death you always craved. And it will look like an accident. You got in a fight with some punter, stole the drugs, and got a little too excited. Accidental OD.” The man produced a familiar looking vial, gave Oli a smile and then with exaggerated movement, set the vial and syringe on a small desk he must have dragged in from somewhere. “So, what would you like me to do first? Break all your toes? Carve new scars into you and ruin Juju’s hard work? Come now, you’ve never been shy about voicing your preferences before! You used to cry, beg and scream! Now you’re so stoic. Has America really matured you that much? No, not you. You’ll cry once I get started, I’m sure. Now, where would you like me to start?”

“Fuck you, you fucking prick,” Oli spat looking up at him. For the first, and probably last time in his life, Oli decided he wouldn’t let his father see him cry. He would be bullied and beaten without fighting back no longer. With a mighty tug he broke the zip tie he had been working on the entire time in the car. His wrists were bloody, but at least now he was free.

With a wrathful cry, Mr. Sykes grabbed a tire iron, and swung but Oli caught it, wrenched it from his grip and flung it far. He then landed a harsh blow across the man’s cheek, tackling him afterward, landing blow after blow. All of his grief, anger, pain, frustration, tears, torture; all of it was poured in to the blows he rained down. He even thought of the little red dot on Kellin’s chest and gave a particularly hard left hook.

Mr. Sykes suddenly punched back, rolled out of his grasp and kicked him back, knocking the air out of Oli. He scrambled to all fours and watched his father stand, face bloody and bruised in a way Oli had never seen.

“Where the fuck did you learn to fight like this?” his father demanded, wiping the blood. “You were always such a fucking pussy!”

“I never had anything worth fighting for before,” Oli answered, coming to his feet, and debating how quickly he could run to get to a weapon at the desk, and if he could beat his father there.

“Don’t tell me you’re fighting to stay with that l’il cunt you called your boyfriend.”

“Partly. The other part is for me. I love Kellin, but he taught me to love myself too. This is just as much for me as it is for him,” Oli answered and then made his move. Sprinting he slipped under his father’s arms, and was nearly to the desk when his father grabbed him, causing him to slip flat out. Rolling to his back to face his father in order to fight back he saw the weighted steel plate a split second before his father slammed it down. Had he not rolled, both legs would have been crushed, but with his movement the full weight of the huge plate came to bear on his right thigh, and Oli could feel the sickening crunch of his femur. Everything was white hot pain and a piercing scream escaped him.

“There it is! There’s the music I wanted to hear!” He father roared over it, laughing. Rolling the steel plate aside, he stalked to the table and grabbed a metal bar, along with the ketamine, syringe and .380 handgun.

Trying to breathe, through the pain, Oli tried to push back with his hands, but even the simplest movements sent dizzying waves from his leg. The steel plate had been dull on one side and sharp on the other, leaving a large gash on his inner thigh that was bleeding at an alarming rate.

“I think it’s time we end this. It’s time for you to pay for your crimes son, as must we all,” the man said, drawing up the full vial into the syringe, right in front of Oli. Dread filled Oli as he shut his eyes, bracing for the stick. Kellin filled his mind’s eye, laughing, wearing a flower crown, and Oli determinedly thought of nothing but him, until he heard the sound of a tire iron cracking against a head, followed by a familiar, gloriously high voice.

“You first.”

 

 

 

“Shit!” Vic exclaimed, watching the SUV drive off.

“Keep your eyes on it!” Kellin exclaimed as they raced back to Vic’s car, where they found the two front tires slashed.

“The fuck!?” Vic exclaimed.

“So glad I decided to meet you guys here then!” Rachel stated, unlocking her little red sunfire next to the beaten up Aries as they piled in.

“That way!” Vic pointed from the back seat as Rachel backed up and sped out of the parking lot.

Trying to keep his panic to a minimum, Kellin quickly dialed 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“Hi, yes, my boyfriend has been kidnapped by his father who recently escaped from prison and he’s an internationally known drug lord and I’m pretty sure he’s going to kill him,” Kellin burst out.

“Ok, what’s your boyfriend’s name?”

“Oliver Sykes.”

“And where are you right now?”

“Getting on the 75 south toward Detroit. We’re following the Black SUV but we can’t make out the plates.”

“Ok, and how old are you hun?”

“Seventeen.”

“Do you have an adult with you that I could speak to?”

“What? No, we were out at the movies and Oli’s father and some guy jumped us with a rifle when we came out.”

“Did anyone else see this internationally wanted drug lord?”

“My two friends that are with me.”

“They saw your boyfriend get kidnapped?”

“Yes!”

“You do realize that creating a fake emergency could get you in a lot of trouble, right?” Kellin just wanted to start crying in frustration.

“Yes I know that! Are you going to send help or not? Cause my boyfriend’s life kind of depends on it!”

“I’m going to call this in to the police and they will be on the lookout for a black SUV, and they might send out a patrol car-“

Kellin couldn’t listen anymore and hung up. The woman on the other end was obviously not going to help them.

“That didn’t sound promising,” Vic said from the back, not taking his eyes off the SUV as Rachel did her best to keep track but not follow too close. “Now what do we do?”

“I’m going to call his mother.”

Two phone calls and a frantic voice message later about what was going on, found Kellin shaking with adrenalin, quiet in the front seat.

“Look they’re getting off!” Vic pointed.

“I see ‘em!” Rachel confirmed, doing her best to stay a few cars back.

“This is not a great neighborhood,” Vic cringed as they made their way through the tall buildings to the seedier parts of Detroit, coming eventually to the Gold Coast.

Rachel turned her headlights off as she approached, and then pulled the car just to the one side of the chain link fence, a huge junk pile on their other side, providing them cover and camouflage. The black SUV was parked within, right next to the abandoned shipping building. All three watched desperately as Oli was pulled from the car and ushered into the building. The man with the rifle soon came back out and began to stalk around the property. Kellin felt frozen. How were they supposed to get around that guy and to Oli?

“Ok here’s the plan,” Rachel said, breaking their thoughts. “Vic and I are going to go make a distraction, and get that perimeter guy, or guys if there’s more, over away from the building. Kellin, you’re going to go find Oli.”

“They have guns though!” Vic balked.

Rachel reached over and grabbed something purple and something grey out of the glove compartment. The purple turned out to be a taser, while the grey was pepper spray. “Here! We’re just distracting them anyway. We’re going to keep trying 911 too, now that we know the address,” she explained to Vic. Then she turned her attention to Kellin. “Go bring Oliver back to us.”

With that they left the car, Kellin watching them disappear up the fence line while he snuck around the other side. Just as he hid behind an overgrown bush, trying to figure out how quickly he could run at the building to get inside, he saw huge flames erupt on the other side with a whoosh, and he took that as his cue for distraction, hoping in his heart that Vic and Rachel would be alright.

Dashing in the dark he found a mostly closed trailer parking door and squeezed underneath. Rusted shipping containers sat here and there, casting shadows like giant legos from the lights concentrated at the center of the warehouse. His heart hammered as he began searching for Oli, praying that he was still alive. Tiptoeing around the containers, the sounds of a fight reached his ears, something hard and metal clatter across to him. Peaking his head around the corner he saw a crowbar but a few feet in front of him.

“Don’t tell me you’re fighting to stay with that l’il cunt you called your boyfriend.”

“Partly. The other part is for me. I love Kellin, but he taught me to love myself too. This is just as much for me as it is for him.” Oli had his back to him, but Kellin could see both figures heaving with the effort of the fight. His boyfriend had obviously done some damage to Mr. Sykes’ face, and Kellin couldn’t help but feel so proud at the words.

Kellin’s breath caught in his throat as he saw Oli sprint to the desk, panicking as he saw Mr. Sykes grab him enough to trip him. The larger, older male then grabbed a steel plate from the floor that had likely hidden an imperfection in the concrete, and Kellin’s stomach launched into his throat as he brought it down on Oli’s leg. The scream. He had never heard anything like it, and it forced him into action.

               Scooping up the crowbar he bolted toward the sick bastard.

 “I think it’s time we end this. It’s time for you to pay for your crimes son, as must we all.”

With a mighty swing he aimed for the man’s head, though perhaps mostly got his neck. Either way he toppled to the side, Ketamine and syringe scattering away and under one of the shipping containers. “You first,” he growled.

Looking to his boyfriend, hazel eyes opened in shock. “Kellin!” The other wheezed in relief. Dropping the crowbar, Kellin knelt next to him, kissing him fiercely. He wanted to cry in relief.

Oli’s pained hiss brought them back to reality. “Shit, your leg!” Kellin swore, feeling his blood run cold as he looked at it. It was clearly broken, but it was bleeding as well.

Clearly trying to breath through the pain, Oli shut his eyes, unable to look. “How bad?”

“Bad enough that I know you need a hospital. Like now-“

“NO!” a voice boomed, and Kellin felt a fistful of his hair grabbed as he was snatched backward. A few punches left him reeling, and he coughed, pushing himself up from the cold cement. Looking up he saw Mr. Sykes, blood pouring down his face as he held the .380 in Kellin’s. The boy froze, staring at the tool of his imminent demise and holding his breath, heart trying to escape his ribs in an effort to avoid the fatal blow. “I will not have my revenge sullied by the likes of some fucking arse bandit! Now Di-“ The command went unfinished as Mr. Sykes’ legs were swept out from under by the crow bar, Oli having dragged himself over with it. The gun went skidding across the cement. Kicking Oli’s chest to push him back, the tattooed boy gave a strangled cry, and Kellin watched him fall back.

Rage boiled through his veins, and Kellin launched himself at the man. “Leave him alone you son of a bitch!” He shouted, landing blow after blow. Mr. Sykes was no Derek though, and fought back, grabbing and wrestling as the two rolled back and forth. Avoiding a kick to the groin, Kellin took his thumbs to the other’s eyes, which was met by a punch to his solar plexus, leaving him gasping for a moment. Mr. Sykes used the opportunity to pull him up by the throat, Kellin’s hands scrambling to free himself.

“Now you will die, along side your deadbeat, lazy, no-good boyfriend,” the man growled and Kellin felt the fists tighten on his air supply.

Seven loud bangs exploded the air, the sound of a ppk’s magazine being emptied, and Kellin felt the man go slack and crumple to the ground, blood flowing out from underneath like a spring. Staring in shock for a moment, trying to regain his breath, Kellin looked up to see Oli slowly lowering the gun, before tossing it in a disgusted, but weak fashion from his hands. He had dragged himself to where the gun had landed, the trail marked by his precious blood. Once again, Kellin’s insides chilled as he realized how much of it there was.

With a leap, Kellin came to Oli’s side, grabbing onto his shoulders and he weakly leaned back, having used the last of his energy to drag himself to the gun and save Kellin.

“You followed me…”

“I would follow you through hell if I had to,” Kellin answered, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice and failing miserably. He looked down at the leg and tried to channel all he had learned from his mother from over the years. “Hold on,” he said, letting Oli finally lay all the way down. “This might hurt.”

“Can’t hurt more than it already does. Fuck…” Oli moaned, clenching his eyes shut in agony. Kellin removed his belt and slipped it under the leg, doing his best not to jar it, but still earning an extra wince. “Ok, take a deep breath. This is going to suck balls. Ready?”

Oli took a deep breath and nodded. The screech that escaped his lips as Kellin tightened the belt down would haunt Kellin for years, he was sure. Still the bleeding only seemed to slow marginally. Fingers slipping with sweat and blood, Kellin turned the light of his phone on. In the distance he could hear sirens and hoped beyond hope that they were headed in this direction.

By the light of the phone he could see the cut and the bleed. The femoral artery was where it was coming from. Glancing up to Oli’s face, he took in the sheet-white visage, sweat dripping from his skin as he panted in pain. If he didn’t put pressure on it, Oli would bleed out before the ambulance could even get to him.

“I am so sorry baby, but I gotta do something that’s going to hurt like hell again,” he breathed. This time he gave no warning as he pushed through the cut and found where the fresh warm blood flowed onto his finger. With strength he pinched, and immediately noticed the difference in blood flow, drastically reducing the blood pouring from the wound, though not completely stopping it. Unfortunately Oli’s scream didn’t have half the strength the last one did.

One hand still clamping the artery, fingers buried in the wound, Kellin moved so that his other could stretch up and cup the gorgeous cheek, now cool under his touch. Oli’s eyes fluttered open, his breathing erratic. “Hang on baby. I can hear an ambulance. Just keep holding on for me.”

“This fookin’ sucks,” Oli whined, his accent thick.

“I know. I know it hurts. Just stay with me,” Kellin breathed, trying to keep the panic out of his voice, but the fear was so powerful.

“I mean…I spen’ all that time, trying to die,” Oli murmured, his voice weakening as he went. “And now that I fin’lly wanna live, I’m dyin’. S’not fair…”

“You’re not going to die. It’s just a little blood. We’re gonna get you to a hospital-“

Oli faintly shook his head. “Don…don’t b’llshit me. I know…what dyin’ feels li’.”

Rebellious tears slipped down Kellin’s face, and he rubbed a thumb against the prominent cheekbone beneath it. “I don’t want to go on without you,” he sobbed.

With failing strength Oli put his own hand over Kellin’s. “M’always makin’ you cry. M’sorry. I…I love you… s’much…”

“I love you too,” Kellin echoed in a broken voice. “Don’t you dare leave me like this. I swear I will follow you and kick your ass,” he threatened, unsure of what else to do.

A single, soft laugh escaped Oli’s lips. And his eyes flicked up to the overhead lights, blinking owlishly. “Can you…c’n you…”

“Can I what baby. What do you need?” Kellin questioned desperately.

“Sing?” Oli uttered.

“Ok,” Kellin whispered, feeling Oli’s hand slacken against his own. Kellin grabbed it and squeezed tight.

“ _How the hell did you ever pick me, Honestly, I could sing you a song, But I don't think words can express your beauty, It's singing to me, How the hell did we end up like this, You bring out the beast in me, I fell in love from the moment we kissed, Since then we've been history, They say that love is forever, Your forever is all that I need, Please stay, as long as you need, Can't promise that things won't be broken, But I swear, that I will never leave, Please stay, forever with me…”_

Kellin felt the lump in his grow as Oli’s eyes slipped shut. He could feel his heart stuttering to a halt. Boots slamming against the concrete alerted him to the arrival of paramedics through the large doors on the one side. Kellin could see the red flashing lights through the dirty windows. The two men ran over while a third wheeled in a stretcher. As they approached, Kellin began rattling off Oli’s injuries, being sure to tell them of the femoral artery he was still holding onto. They took in everything, and in a whirlwind of movement had Oli up into the stretcher, one paramedic applying pressure to his leg while the other two directed the stretcher back. Kellin followed like a ghost, eyes never leaving Oli.

“Kellin!” he heard Vic’s voice as he re-entered the frozen night air. He saw the other couple standing with the police some feet away, waving to him.

Kellin shook his head, choking out, “I’m going with Oli!”

He didn’t even wait for permission to enter the ambulance. One man had already placed an oxygen mask over the beautiful face, and Kellin watched it fog intermittently, the only sign that Oli was still alive as he sat at the boy’s head. The doors slammed shut and the ambulance lurched forward, turning the sirens on and coming up to speed. The paramedics called info to one another that maybe his mother would understand, but Kellin didn’t. Instead he ran a hand through Oli’s curls and murmured to him soothing things, watching as they set up an IV despite the movement and rocking of the vehicle. He was so still, tattoos harsh against the bright light overhead as they pulled his clothes away to setting up the monitoring equipment.

“BP 75 over 45 and dropping.”

“Give him a bolus, followed by a second in two minutes if it’s not coming up.”

“Heart-rate dropping.”

“Tell them to have two, no, 3 bags of O negative ready. I’ve given one.”

“Setting a second IV.”

“BP 70 over 40. We’re losing him.”

The ambulance came to a halt and the doors flew open, and Oli was swiftly unloaded. Kellin, followed desperately, until a nurse met him at the big red doors, barring him from following any further. “Ok hun, I’m going to walk you to the waiting room and we can get you cleaned up,” she said in a motherly tone as Kellin stared desperately through the little window in the door beyond where Oli was being taken. It was probably going to be the last time Kellin ever saw him alive, and he knew it.

Allowing himself to be directed to the waiting room, the nurse got his information, as well as Oli’s and promised that she would come out as soon as she knew something. She told him where the bathroom and coffee was, but Kellin just sat numbly on one of the seats, silent tears dripping down his face. He felt so cold and numb inside, and he couldn’t stop shaking. Never had he felt more alone. His mind buzzed with everything and nothing, unable to grasp anything concrete except Oli’s screams and his too pale face.

“Kellin!” Vic’s voice interrupted him again, and he looked over at the entrance to see both Kellin and Rachel run to him.

“How’s Oli?” Rachel asked, desperate and out of breath.

Kellin didn’t trust his voice, but gave a shrug and shook his head. He didn’t even know if his boyfriend was still alive.

“Holy shit dude, your hands,” Vic gasped, and Kellin looked down, as if realizing for the first time that his arms were soaked up to his elbows in Oli’s blood. “C’mon,” Vic said gently, and put his hand on Kellin’s shoulder, guiding him to the men’s room. Kellin stood there useless, still shaking as Vic washed the blood off as best he could. Vic then brought him back to the waiting room, where Rachel waited with tissues and some tea in a little Styrofoam cup. Kellin gratefully took the tissues and wiped at his face, but refused the tea. It reminded him too much of the boy fighting for his life halfway across the hospital. Rachel and Vic sat on either side of him, quickly falling to silence, Vic’s hand on his back the only thing keeping him grounded to the present. What would happen if Oli died? Would he go to the funeral? Make some speech? Learn to live without him someday? The thought was unbearable, and caused a few extra tears to escape. Oh, how badly he wanted to be in that emergency room with Oli, their fates tied to one another so that if Oli left, Kellin would go with him.

Vic shifted and lifted his hand, and Kellin glanced up to see Ms. Sykes, Tom, and his own mother and Jeff bustle through the door.

“Oh my baby boy,” his mother winced, and Kellin stood. She enveloped him in a tight hug and Kellin felt himself falling apart again, sobbing and crying with renewed passion. He went on and on until there were no more tears to be shed, and his body ached with the effort of his shuddering sobs. Eventually he stopped, and his mother guided him back to the chair. He was still shaking.

Police came, talked to him, talked to all of them, but still there was no word on Oli or his condition. People filtered in and out, the receptionist was changed with the changing of shifts. Time passed both slowly and quickly, and Kellin felt as though he would be stuck in the moment forever, yet dreaded anyone coming through those doors to bring them the terrible news he knew would come soon enough.

“Family of Oliver Sykes?” a nurse in pink scrubs called out shortly after coming through the doors.

Kellin was up on his numb, quaking legs in moments, drifting to her with the rest of their group with trepidation.

“How is he? How is my son?” Ms. Sykes asked, her voice wavering.

“Well Oli made it through surgery to correct his shattered right femur, but it was touch and go for a bit. I wanted to let you know he’s being moved to the ICU for now until he’s fully stabilized. Once he’s in his room, the doctor will come get you and explain everything.”

“Ok, but he’ll make it right? He’ll be fine?” Tom blurted.

The nurse didn’t seem phased and simply said, “The doctor will be able to explain his condition better.” With that she turned around and disappeared through the doors.

Tom and Vic expressed outrage at her brevity, but Kellin stood there, the same numb, distant feeling re-spreading through his body. His mother tried to bring him back to his chair but he remained steadfastly there, unable to move until a short, tan woman came through the two doors, and called the family’s name again.

“Hi I’m Dr. Pari Kumar, and I’ll be Oliver’s attending physician while he’s in the hospital. Oliver sustained several bruises and contusions, but the main problem was his right leg, as you know. There were several breaks, but thankfully our best osteopathic surgeon was on this evening, and Dr. Chang managed to piece everything back together with several plates and wires. I will let him tell you more about the recovery for that leg when the doctor gets out of his next surgery, but he did say to me he was very optimistic about it, and that everything should heal nicely. So that’s the good news.

“The less good news was that Oliver’s femoral artery was severed in that same injury, and he has lost a lot of blood because of it.” She looked at Kellin, addressing him directly. “The paramedics informed us that you placed a tourniquet and held off that vessel?” Kellin nodded, unable to open his mouth yet, waiting for her to tell him that it hadn’t been enough. “Well you should feel very proud of yourself young man. You probably saved Oliver’s life.” She went back to addressing the rest of the group. “We did replenish a lot of what he lost, but he’s still not quite out of the woods yet. He did stop breathing on his own during surgery, so we have him on a ventilator until we’re confident he can do so by himself. We are going to keep him in the ICU until his numbers improve, and like I said, he isn’t out of the woods, but the fact that he’s made it this far is very encouraging. I’ll take you up to the ICU, but visiting time is limited to one person at a time so our staff have room to work around him if needs be. Follow me.”

Kellin followed right behind the doctor, unable to look at the other’s faces as they came up to the designated floor and room. “He’s right in this room here. Please disinfect your hands before going in,” she said, directing them to a room at the end of the hall, with a dispenser on the wall outside it. “You can have a few minutes a piece, and then we need to let you go until normal visiting hours, but I didn’t want you to go home without being able to see him.”

Looking back to Oli’s mother in askance, she gave him one of the most sympathetic looks she’d ever seen on her face. “You go first dear. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go in, and…and it should be you that sees him first.”

With her blessing, Kellin disinfected his hands and walked in. A nurse was sitting on one side of Oli’s bed, writing on a chart and observing all the machines and tubes he was hooked up to. It was overwhelming. One IV with a small pack of blood hung, along with another containing fluids and a big red stick on it labeled with all the drugs added. Monitors beeped quietly, a deathly serenade, the whoosh of the ventilator holding it all together. The nurse gave him a little smile, but quickly went back to adjusting and recording as Kellin sat on the little stool on the other side. With trepidation he took Oli’s cold fingers in his own, rubbing at them to try and give them warmth as he took in the other boy. The right leg was immobilized and wrapped in bandages, while a blanket covered his other leg. More of his painted skin was exposed than Kellin had ever seen, wires attached at various places to help monitor him. The ventilation mask looked cumbersome, but Oli’s face was slack beneath it. Kellin was sure he had never seen the other boy so still. In sleeping, the Oli had always looked younger and at peace, but this was not sleep. This was injury and drug induced unconsciousness, none of the tranquility present to belie a state of comfort. Instead the face showed no signs of life, and was dead, cold and still, shadows outlining it in a skull-like manner.

Picking up the hand, Kellin kissed the other’s palm and held it to his own cheek. He could just make out Oli’s scent beneath the hospital antiseptic smell that usually clung to his mother’s clothing. He tried to think of words to say, to encourage him to make it through, to come back to him, but he couldn’t get his voice to work. Kellin stayed like that, closing his eyes and trying to imagine Oli waking up and not being the pale corpse before him anymore.

Tom poked his head in, and Kellin knew his time was up. Standing, Kellin leaned over his boyfriend and left a lingering kiss on his forehead.  The numb feeling returned, and Kellin floated out of the room. His mother informed him that Jeff had gotten them a room at a hotel nearby for the rest of the night, so they could come right back for normal visiting hours. They left Ms. Sykes and Tom at the hospital. Vic and Rachel hugged him goodbye, reassured him that Oli was strong and would pull through, but Kellin just nodded. He couldn’t bring himself to believe in their false hope.

Once at the hotel his mother ushered him to the room, and Jeff hopped in the shower. No matter what time a day it was, the man insisted on showering before bed.

“Are you hungry at all Kells?” his mother asked him softly, setting down the shopping back of Oli’s clothes that the nurses had given him to take care of. He shook his head silently as he sat down on the edge of one of the beds and plucked his own black hoodie from the bag. Oli had never given it back, and had been wearing it just a few short hours ago when he’d held Kellin’s hand in the movie theater, eyes sparkling with mirth at everyone else’s apparent terror. He had been warm, solid, alive. His phone was even still in the pocket.

Sitting slowly on the other bed across from him, his mother put her hand on his knee, worry on her face. “Do you want to talk about it?” she offered in a quiet voice. He’d always been open and honest with her, and she had never given him a reason not to be, but now he was having problems with processing anything he was feeling. He didn’t know what he was supposed to be feeling. All he knew was that all he could see was Oli’s eyes slipping closed for what could probably be the last time.

Eyes flicking up to his mother’s similar blue ones, he clutched the hoodie close. “What am I supposed to do if he dies? What am I going to do…?” Kellin’s voice broke, as his mother’s face crumbled in concern. Falling back to the bed he turned the other way, sobbing into the dark garment that smelled so completely of Oli. Broken gasps left him, and he found he could not stop, curling up and feeling like a small, helpless child. His mother joined him at his back, rubbing it soothingly and shushing him gently.

“It’s alright…it will be ok…He’s not going to leave you…” she repeated until Kellin finally cried himself to sleep.

 

 

Kellin woke the next morning feeling more hung over and miserable than the time he had gotten drunk on wine coolers with Vic at Vic’s uncle’s 50th birthday. At least that had been a happy occasion. Now, Kellin’s head ached not from alcohol, but from crying. He felt withdrawn, tired, and like he might break if he spoke too loudly or moved too quickly. His mother insisted he eat something before they go back to the hospital for normal visiting hours, but Kellin was only able to eat a few bite-fuls of oatmeal before pushing the bowl away, feeling nauseous.

Ms. Sykes and Tom were there before them, and it was obvious Tom had cried at some point, his eyes so very much like Oli’s, red-rimmed and grieved. Kellin sat with Oli for some time, still unable to say anything, but holding his hand and watching his face. A new nurse sat across from him, her dark hair done into beautiful cornrows and pulled back. Tom, then Ms. Sykes came in after him. Jeff took his mother to work, but had taken off himself to be with Kellin while he stayed with Oli. He and Jeff had never been close, despite Jeff’s continual tries, but Kellin vaguely recognized that the guy was good, and if he had to sit with someone in silence while Ms. Sykes was in with her son, besides his mom or Vic, Jeff was a pretty good choice.

Late that afternoon Dr. Kumar returned to them, this time smiling. “I am happy to say that Oli’s numbers have stabilized and we will be moving him out of the ICU and into the trauma recovery unit. Give us a few moments and we can get that started. Just sit tight for me.”

An hour later, all four occupants crowded into the private room. Kellin took up vigil on the side that held Oli’s IV lines, while Ms. Sykes took the other, mirroring his own exhaustion. She would say things to her son now and again, things that Kellin could not voice. He felt broken and empty, and knew he would never feel better until Oli opened his eyes.

Hours passed and Kellin sat in the same seat, nurses, Jeff, Oli’s family moving about him. Yet he remained, holding the cold hand, watching Oli’s face, just as corpse-like as the day before. Just as Oli’s world had stopped when he eyes slipped shut the night before, so too had Kellin’s. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. Not his grades, his music, their chorus duet, school, Derek, his hunger, his thirst, the cuts and bruises from the night before. Nothing mattered but the boy in the bed, his thin chest sliding up and down under the pale blue gown they had given him when he’d switched rooms.

“I’m going to take Tom down for dinner. Will you be ok here?” Ms. Sykes asked, and Kellin just nodded silently, eyes still trained on his boyfriend’s face. She and Tom left, and Jeff gave a few tiny snores from his spot on one of the comfy chairs, a half finished magazine splayed across his chest.

Kellin watched Oli for a few more moments, and realizing he was basically alone his heart finally spoke. Or rather it sang.

_“We'll talk and talk and talk, How crazy it seems, Someone can waste our whole lives helplessly, Just patiently waiting for a love like you and me, You still have all of my, You still have all of my, You still have all of my heart…”_

A twitch, a simple jolt and Kellin leaned forward, watching as Oli’s eyebrows drew down in concentration, as if he had simply been waiting for Kellin’s voice to awaken.

“That’s it, Oli…come back…”

Hazel eyes squinted open, and panic took shape. The ventilator. The alarms on the machine screeched, and Kellin was halfway out of his seat when two nurses poured in, one shutting off the alarm, the other calming Oli.

“Hold on Oliver, we’re going to take that out. Relax for a second.” Her hands were anything but relaxed though, swiftly undoing the strap and sitting him up. “I’m going to ask you to cough in two seconds. This is going to be a bit uncomfortable but it will feel better once it’s out,” she explained, disconnecting the tubing and turning off the ventilator. “Alright, ready? Now cough for me.”

Kellin squeezed Oli’s hand as he coughed and gagged into a tray. Another nurse came in with ice chips, which Oli grateful accepted with his free hand.

“Keep coughing and eating those as you need to, and we’ll go let Dr. Kumar know you’re awake,” the blond nurse reassured, as the three exited the room.

Hazel eyes met blue and Oli gave him a small, tired smile. “Hey love,” he greeted in a ragged voice, eyes still a bit dazed and confused, but at least he recognized Kellin.

“Oliver,” Kellin breathed, feeling the tears gather in his eyes again. Immediately he leaned forward, fiercely hugging the other boy, as the tears once again leaked down his face and sobs again escaped him, relieved as he was. Oli rubbed his back, though seemed a bit confused by such a strong emotional response.

“I’m ok…I’m right here…” he soothed despite his broken voice. After several moments, Kellin leaned back and Oli tucked some of his dark curls behind an ear. “I’m always making you cry,” he said softly.

“It’s good to see you awake Oliver,” a bright voice greeted them at the doorway, and Kellin sat back a bit. Jeff, who had slept through the alarms and Oli’s first moments awake, startled to at the woman’s voice.  “How are you feeling? Any pain anywhere.”

Oli frowned, and ate a few more ice chips. Swallowing he said, “My leg hurts, but it’s not bad. I have a headache and my throat hurts. I feel really…I don’t know…heavy.”

“That would be the residual weakness from losing all the blood you did. You’ll be feeling that for a little bit I’m afraid. We’ve already weaned you off the morphine last night, but I’ll up your butorphanol if you’re feeling a little uncomfortable,” she reassured him, looking at some of the machines he was still hooked up to as well as the chart at the end of his bed.

“Is it broken? My leg?” Oli asked, as if trying to wrap his mind around everything she was saying.

“Yes, unfortunately your femur was shattered into a few pieces, but Dr. Chang is the ultimate master at humpty dumpty and managed to put you back together again. The real hero is your boyfriend here though.” Oli frowned, looking at Kellin, causing the latter’s face to heat up. “The impact severed your femoral artery,” Dr. Kumar explained. “But thanks to some quick thinking on his part, we barely managed to stop you from bleeding out. He was able to hold your artery off until the paramedics arrived, and I do believe that is likely the biggest reason that you are awake and talking with me right now.” Kellin looked away under Oli’s intense gaze. “For now, I want you to rest, and I’ll have Dr. Chang drop by and talk to you about physical therapy on that leg of yours. I think, barring any complications, you can expect to go home in a day or two. Do you have any questions while I’m here?”

“Where’s my mum?” he asked, brow furrowed.

“They went down to the cafeteria to get dinner,” Kellin explained.

Jeff rose and gave Kellin a warm smile, “I’ll go get Ms. Sykes and Tom. You two catch up,” he said and left the room for the other side of the hospital.

“Any other questions?” Dr. Kumar asked. Oli shook his head. “Alright then. I’ll be in to check up on you in awhile, and Dr. Chang should be by later this evening. Just try and rest now. Don’t do anything strenuous. If you need anything, drinks or the bathroom, hit the call nurse sign and they can assist you.” With a swirl of her white coat and dark wavy hair the woman left the room.

Now alone, Oli leaned back against the upright pillows, watching Kellin with the greatest affection, and reached out to hold Kellin’s hand again, despite the IV in the back of it. “You alright Kells?”

Kellin sniffed and a deprecating laugh escaped him. “You’re the one sitting in a hospital bed. I should be asking you that.”

“I’ve been unconscious, and now I’ve got good drugs making me a bit high if I’m being honest. You had your hand knuckle deep in my leg holding off an artery while simultaneously watching me bleed to death…I don’t know how many hours ago. I may be a little high, but I know which one of us got the shittier role here.”

“Twenty-four hours,” Kellin mumbled.

“Exactly. Now, are you alright?”

Slowly Kellin shook his head. “No…no I haven’t been ok since I saw that bastard take you…” he choked, frustrated at the tears that were once again welling up. Would he ever stop crying? “And then I found you and you were bleeding and you shot him and…and…you tried to say goodbye and I just…”

Crawling up onto the bed, Oli automatically move over to let Kellin in at his side, mindful of his leg and equipment to not jar it. Kellin couldn’t stop himself. He needed to feel the other boy, his warm body pressed against his own. Kellin’s sobs were quiet this time, and he felt Oli’s arms wrap around him, running through his dark locks and up and down his arms, reassuring him that Oli was there and life could move forward now.

Ms. Sykes and Tom came in, but Oli never made Kellin move, instead talking with them while Kellin slowly unwound at his side. Oli stayed awake for some time before drifting off beside Kellin. Kellin stayed and shut his eyes as well, finally feeling decent enough to sleep, now feeling secure in the knowledge that Oli would be with him for a long time to come.

 

 

 

The shuffling of someone at the side of his bed and the sound of someone bidding another person farewell caused Oli to blink back to consciousness. He was in the hospital, his father was dead, and he was safe, he reminded himself. More importantly Kellin was with him, and when Oli tilted his head to look, he saw the mop of dark hair nestled and his shoulder, body tucked against him, breathing soft and slow in sleep. From what he could see, Kellin still seemed a bit pale, his face mottled from crying so much in the time Oli had been unconscious. Though still a bit fuzzy in the head, Oli could remember that very clearly.

“Hey hun. Nice to see you awake,” Ms. Quinn greeted him. “Your mom and Tom left a little bit ago, and Jeff just stepped out to go find something for us to eat,” she explained when Oli checked the rest of the room for anyone else.

“Yeah I saw my mom earlier. She explained everything that happened,” Oli said, his voice but a bare whisper so as to not wake Kellin. “Thanks for letting Kells stay a bit longer.”

“No problem,” the mother answered, laying her had on Oli’s in a comforting gesture. Vaguely he appreciated how compassionate she was. Unlike his own mother, who seemed to panic at every venture, Kellin’s mom was solid and reassuring, and Oli was sure that’s where Kellin had gotten it from. Only now… “It’s going to be work to get him to leave this evening anyway,” she sighed.

 Oli looked down at Kellin, and ran a hand tenderly over the dark waves. “It was bad, wasn’t it?”

“Well, you did stop breathing on your own, and Vic told me how much blood Kellin had on his arms. I see this stuff every day, and I can tell you that you’re pretty lucky,” she answered thoughtfully.

“No, I meant Kellin. He was…I’ve never seen him so upset, even when I woke up. Usually he’s a rock when I’m a mess. I didn’t know…” Oli trailed off as Kellin shifted his head, burying it further against his shoulder, and then taking a few deep breaths, falling back deeper into sleep.

“You didn’t think Kellin would be that affected by losing you?” his mother suggested.

“It’s not that I didn’t think he’d miss me, but I always thought he was so strong, really the stronger of the two of us, and it’s just wonky to see him so…not him,” he tried to explain.

Ms. Quinn took a deep breath, apparently arranging her thoughts before she spoke. “Kellin has always been a pretty happy boy. Chatty, funny, a pain in my butt sometimes,” she smiled ruefully. “He’s been through things, his father leaving and all that, but he has always taken stuff in stride, but what I saw yesterday, it scared me a little. When Jeff and I got here, I held Kellin and he cried and I told him that it would be ok, that this hospital has a great reputation, and when he calmed down, I thought that would be that. He would look forward to seeing you, and optimistically wait. Well, your mother let him in to see you first in the ICU, and when he came out he looked absolutely destroyed, even though the doctor was cautiously optimistic. He was so quiet, and when we got back to the hotel all I did was ask him if he wanted to talk about it, and…I’ve never seen him that lost Oliver. He just cried and cried, and there was nothing I could do to make it any better. The only thing that was going to do that was a couple blocks away in the ICU. Even this morning he was a mess. Barely ate breakfast, wouldn’t talk to anyone…” She sighed again and met Oli’s eyes. “Kellin has had a decent amount of boyfriends over the years since he started dating, but he is a completely other person with you. I know you have been through a lot, and you are still working on those things, but I want you to know that you are just as important to his sanity, as he is to yours.”

Oli felt the blush creep up his neck, despite the blood loss, and he looked down to Kellin’s peaceful face. “I’ll try to keep that in mind,” he said softly.

Jeff returned with food, and Kellin woke up. He reluctantly climbed from Oli’s hospital bed and sat next to him to eat. He still looked a tad wane, but managed to grin and smack Oli’s hand when he kept stealing fries.

“Oh c’mon, hospital food sucks.”

“Well then you better heal fast,” Kellin stuck his tongue out and took another bite of the chicken sandwich his step-father had gotten him.

Over the days he spent in the hospital Oli pondered Kellin’s response, however. Dr. Orsbeck came to visit him, and while he felt strange having killed his father, part of him felt rather liberated, as if the storm clouds that had followed him his whole life had dissipated. Killing someone left a weight, but when it came down to the two of them, Oli was glad it had been he that had survived. He knew his father had not given him a choice. Things still felt cloudy once in awhile, but he knew the sun would return eventually. According to Dr. Orsbeck, the death of his father, along with the new regimen seemed to be working well for him.

“I don’t know what to do about Kellin though…” he said toward the end of their session.

“Are you still confused by his behavior?” Dr. Orsbeck asked, adjusting her glasses.

“Yeah, I mean, he’s always been so tough. But according to his mum he just shut down when I got here, and when I woke up, he was a mess. Like, more of a mess than I expected. Even when he visits me now, he keeps looking at me like I’m just going to bite it at any moment. I don’t know what to do.”

“I take it his behavior worries you?”

“Yeah. Scares the piss out of me really.”

“Let me ask you this then. When you’ve though about taking your life, how do you imagine people responding?”

“Well my mum would be upset for awhile, and Tom too, but they’re used to it just being them too, so life goes on for them. I always thought Kellin would be sad for awhile, but move on. I mean he’s so funny and sweet, that anyone’d be lucky to have him really. But now, it makes me worried what he’d do if anything happened to me. I don’t want anything to happen to him because of me.”

Dr. Orsbeck gave a knowing smile, “I suggest you talk to him about what you’re feeling, and let him know that you care. Sometimes when we share ourselves, it’s enough to get that other person to be open with what they are feeling.”

               That Wednesday Oli was allowed to go home, and he had his opportunity. Kellin had come with Ms. Sykes and Tom to the hospital to take him home, and as Oli hobbled up the familiar stone steps he had never been more happy to be home. No more nurses popping their heads in every few minutes, insisting that they help him do anything, machines beeping, people bustling up and down the halls. He couldn’t really rest there. He was fine when his family and Kellin, and even Rachel and Vic visited, but when he was alone at night all he could think about the rehab facility, and all the lonely nights he had spent in a room just like that one. At least they’d let him have his phone and we would text Kellin back and forth until he fell asleep.

               “There’s probably so much work in that bag, isn’t there?” he asked Kellin, following him down the hall to his bedroom. His leg ached, but he didn’t want to take any of the Percocet the doctor had given him. He was worried that he might slip back into the old pattern of being addicted to that weightless, painless existence. If therapy had taught him anything, it was to avoid triggers if he could.

               “Yeah. Miss Geck gave us a whole packet of buffering solutions to work on,” he groaned.

               “I remember doing a ton in Sheffield,” Oli sighed, making it to the bed before collapsing back on it with a sigh, letting his crutches drop to the floor unceremoniously. “Bloody hate hospital beds,” he moaned. Kellin picked up the crutches, and leaned them against the desk, and then sat heavily next to Oli, looking affectionately down at him in the usual way that made his heart flutter against his ribs. Sitting back up slowly, he tugged Kellin a bit closer and tilted his head, capturing the other’s sweet lips in his own, the first real kiss they’d had in days, since making out in the hospital room was rather frowned on. Kellin had apparently missed him as well because his cold hands were suddenly running under Oli’s shirt, causing him to draw breath and give Kellin an opening to all but stick his tongue down Oli’s throat, earning him a squeak of excitement. Oli had his hands tangled in Kellin’s hair, and leaned back, bringing Kellin with him. They made out for several moments, Oli slowing Kellin’s frantic pace, mapping the inside of the other’s mouth with daring seduction. This ended abruptly when Kellin, trying to shift and get a better angle, jarred Oli’s leg.

               Biting back a harsh cry, Oli turned away, his breath caught in his throat.

               “Oh shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I didn’t-“ Kellin said in panic.

               After seeing stars for a moment, Oli got his pain and his breathing under control, and grabbed one of Kellin’s wrists as the other rolled off. “It’s alright love, we just need to go a bit slower,” Oli reassured. “Pain has already backed off.”

               “Sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Kellin murmured, picking at the bedspread, and Oli sat up next to him again, moving his hand down to hold Kellin’s hand in his own. The distant, breakable look was back on his boyfriend’s face, and Oli wished desperately that he could erase it.

               Feeling awkward with how to begin, Oli took a deep breath and just went for it. “Y’know, the last time I was in the hospital, I had wanted to die more than anything else.” Kellin looked up sharply at this, as Oli rarely mentioned his suicidal tendencies, even if they both knew they were there. Sure, they would talk about Oli feeling anxious, or his arms itching, but never about actually wanting to die, at least not outright since that fateful afternoon when Kellin had seen his scars for the first time. “And I rationalized it too. My father obviously hated me. My mother may love me, but she’d lived without me for long, it wouldn’t really be all that different for her. Tom too. I knew they both could make it without me. When I came here, I thought the same thing: they’ll be alright without me. And in the beginning, it was the same with you. You’re so sweet and funny, I knew you could date anyone you wanted, and figured that if I went away, you could easily move on and find someone else. But you made me want to stick around, so I did. And I was always amazed that you just dealt with me, my anxiety, my depression, my baggage, like it was no big deal, at least it wasn’t until I saw you cry that day after the concert. I knew then that you really cared, and that you’d miss me if anything happened to me. And it made me want to get better, so I could be better for you.

               “I didn’t want to leave you when that bastard took me, but in the back of my mind I knew you’d be ok in the long run. But when I woke up, I started second guessing myself. I starting feeling like I’d rubbed my tendencies off on you. And I don’t want that. I need to know that wherever we go from here, that you’re going to be ok,” he finished, honestly.

               Kellin’s brow furrowed as he took in the words, and it took him a moment after Oli finished to form his own words. “I wasn’t ok that night,” he whispered. “If you didn’t make it out of the operating room, I wanted to go in and die with you. It was…it was bad. I didn’t want to eat, or drink. It was like my whole world stopped when you were in there and I wasn’t one hundred percent sure you were gonna be ok. I couldn’t stop crying, and I just wanted you to wake up. Probably the worst twenty-four hours of my life, including watching my dad walk out the door on my mom and me,” he swallowed.

               Oli sighed. He needed to fix this for good. “At the beginning of school some adorable boy told me that we are 50 shades of fucked up and then made me compromise that I would tell him when I needed help, and in return he would be real with me if me and all my issues were weighing him down,” he said, placing his warm hands on Kellin’s cheeks and then sliding them down to this neck with fondness. “I think we have outlived that compromise and we need a new one.”

               “Oh?” Kellin asked, raising an eyebrow.

               “Yeah. If anything should happen to either of us, it is the other one’s job to live their life for the both of us. Because one of use could get hit by a bus tomorrow, or die by cafeteria food poisoning, and I need to know you’re going to be ok, as much as I know that you need to know I’m going to be ok too.”

               For the first time in days, Kellin gave him a real smile. The blue-eyed boy leaned forward, resting his forehead on Oli’s and gave his lips a soft kiss to seal their promise. “Deal.”

 

 

               “I can’t believe your mom bought nice, expensive pants, and just cut the leg off,” Kellin gapped at his boyfriend. With the bandage and splint around his thigh, Oli had been forced to wear loose pants and shorts in order for them to fit underneath comfortably and not jar his leg. He’d gotten really good at the crutches though, which at first scared the hell out of Kellin when he’d shown off in the hallway, using one to spin about like breakdancing.

               Kellin also had to adjust to Oli’s shorter hair as well. They’d had to shave a bit in the back when in the hospital where he’d had a cut, so Oli had simply had his whole mane cut back. While Kellin loved being able to see all of Oli’s face, he also missed the longer hair to tangle his hands in when they made out. To this effect, Oli promised he would grow the chocolate waves out again. For now, though, he looked clean-cut and handsome.

               “I told her I could just wear black shorts, but she insisted,” Oli sighed, as both Kellin and he lined up to walk in for their Chorus concert. Mr. Hakes had already warmed them up, and Oli held Kellin’s hand as the students buzzed noisily around them.

               Between each piece a senior soloist or pair would come down in front of the rest of the chorus and sing. So far, the duets had all been sopranos paired with altos, so when Oli and Kellin descended, two tenors they were, they garnered some looks. Kellin grinned when he saw his mom, Vic and Rachel sitting in the audience. Ms. Sykes had a business meeting, but Tom was there, much to Kellin’s surprise. Oli had to sing the entire time balancing on one leg, as the crutches didn’t allow him to draw enough air when they propped him up, but they had practiced this.

               Overall, Kellin loved singing with Oli, the other’s lower, throaty voice complementing the sweet, nearly contratenor quality to Kellin’s. The audience appeared to love it as well, giving them a big cheer at the end. Kellin shared a smile with Oli, who blushed and gave it back.  The rest of the concert flew by and Kellin couldn’t stop grinning at Oli. “Told you we’d do a really good job. Now c’mon! I know my mom went to her shift, but Vic and Rachel are probably waiting for us.” The tattooed boy just gave a soft smile, taking an infuriatingly long time to help put the band room the way it was, so that the concert band didn’t get upset the following day. In fact, by the time Oli was finished puttering, nearly all the other students had gone, and Vic, along with Tom and Rachel were poking their heads in.

               Assuming they had gotten tired of waiting, Kellin held up a hand in apology, “Sorry. We’re just a bit slow.”

               Vic just grinned though, and said, “Oh we’re not here to collect you. Oli do you want me to set the mic over here?” he asked, pulling out a stool and setting the mic in front.

               Confusion reigned in Kellin’s mind as he watched Oli, Vic, and Rachel set up a small ensemble. Vic even brought out his acoustic guitar, and tuned it quick while Tom sat down at the drums. Rachel grinned mysteriously at Kellin and dragged a seat over for Kellin to sit. “Relax. Mr. Hakes knows we’re here and said to just make sure we clean up after.”

               “Clean up after what? What are we doing?” Kellin wondered, imagining some sort of karaoke.

               Oli hobbled over to him though, and balanced on his crutches so he could clasp both Kellin’s hands in his own. He looked almost shy. “I’ve been thinking of getting something for you for a long time, to thank you for all the times you were and are there for me-“

               “-because I want to be. Oli you didn’t have to-“

               “Sh!” Oli quieted him, giving a tentative smirk. “I wanted to get you something nice, but nothing I thought of seemed to fit. And I tried to think of something you love, and even though I kind of don’t like my voice, you always claim to love it, even when I don’t. And it got me thinking of all the times that you loved me when I couldn’t love myself, and how I always love hearing you sing me to sleep, so I figured I might…y’know…sing for you. Just me. So, I wrote up this song and Vic and Tom helped me with the music bits. But I wrote it for us, like a conversation of sorts and well…I’m shit at explaining this so I’m just going to sing it and hope it doesn’t make your ears bleed.” Bringing his babbling to a halt, he kissed Kellin’s cheek and then hobbled back to the stool in front of the microphone and cleared his through. Rachel gave him a smile from up in the stands as Kellin sat, feeling his stomach practically twirling with anticipation. Oli took one last look back to Tom and Vic, who grinned and nodded, and began to play.

               Kellin watched, as Oli closed his eyes a moment in the intro to center himself, and then began to sing.

                 _My head is haunting me and my heart feels like a ghost_

_I need to feel something, 'cause I'm still so far from home_

_Cross your heart and hope to die_

_Promise me you'll never leave my side_

               Kellin could feel his heart pounding, his heart in his throat as he listened to his boyfriend really sing. It was perfectly tailored to him, from the lyrics to the range.  

_Show me what I can't see when the spark in your eyes is gone_

_You've got me on my knees I'm your one man cult_

_Cross my heart and hope to die_

_Promise you I'll never leave your side_

Ah, this was Oli had meant by conversation. Kellin knew his part when he heard it, but hearing it spelled out to him was magical.

_'Cause I'm telling you you're all I need_

_I promise you you're all I see_

_'Cause I'm telling you you're all I need_

_I'll never leave_

_So you can drag me through hell_

_If it meant I could hold your hand_

_I will follow you 'cause I'm under your spell_

_And you can throw me to the flames_

_I will follow you, I will follow you_

The throaty quality of Oli’s voice, full of emotion and effort made Kellin feel like he was falling in love all over again, especially knowing that the words had been written just for him.

_Come sink into me and let me breathe you in_

_I'll be your gravity, you be my oxygen_

_So dig two graves 'cause when you die_

_I swear I'll be leaving by your side_

_So you can drag me through hell_

_If it meant I could hold your hand_

_I will follow you 'cause I'm under you spell_

_And you can throw me to the flames_

_I will follow you so you can drag me through hell_

_If it meant I could hold your hand_

_I will follow you 'cause I'm under you spell_

_And you can throw me to the flames_

_I will follow you, I will follow you_

_I will follow you, I will follow you_

_So you can drag me through hell_

_If it meant I could hold your hand_

_I will follow you 'cause I'm under you spell_

_And you can throw me to the flames_

_I will follow you, I will follow you_

Oli’s chords tapered off, and hazel eyes met blue again, and if he didn’t have a broken femur, Kellin would have tackled him. Instead he got up on shaking legs and came over to the boy sitting hopefully on the stool. No one had ever done something like this for him, and Kellin felt as though his heart was going to burn out of his chest with all the adoration he felt toward Oliver Sykes at that moment.

Vic and Tom’s wolf whistling and Rachel’s giggling were just background noise as Kellin kissed him, conveying all the emotions he was feeling, sure that Oli understood. They stood looked at each other a moment afterward, grinning like the two idiots in love that they were, before Kellin chuckled, “Now who’s wet?”

At this Oli laughed and said, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all- I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Here are just some notes cause I'm a dork.  
> I obviously don't own those lyrics, and they are sung by those bands, respectively.  
> I apologize for any medical shenanigans- I don't work in human medicine, but vet med, so I know everything about ketamine, but rather little about antipsychotics, and the anti-anxiety/depressants I do know from experience are very limited.  
> I also am a fan of flower crowns and destroying lives with my writing.  
> Also for those of you in the great lakes region of the US, a big ol' high five for you. I grew up there and lake effect snow...sometimes I miss it, and other times I'm pretty happy not dealing with it any more.  
> Also I really wasn't sure what song Oli was going to sing at the end until I got there. I went back and forth between Follow you, mothertongue, drown, and deathbeds. For those of you complaining it's all newer/softer stuff, it was hard to have him sing Chelsea smile, count your blessings, or my personal all time fav: Blacklist, in the fic, but maybe another time?  
> Cheers! Leave kudos, or not. IDGAF.


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